More Mindless Stories on ‘the city’
29
“The City” is Not Being Canceled. You Hear Me? NEVER!
Join Me on “The Facebook.” You’ll Love It!
I don’t even know if that was a complete sentence or if the copper wires in my brain are getting tangled, but some sh*it-bum website tried to ruin my day by saying that The City is being canceled at the conclusion of this season. Oh, and by “day” I, of course, mean “life.”
Like many of you, when I first heard this “news” I immediately got my rosary beads, took a bath in holy water, and then flew directly to the Vatican in order to appeal to Pope J…Pope Paul….Pope Benedictis….er…um…Mr. Pope to see if he could force the world to pray in unison until Jesus made sure that The City wouldn’t, in fact, be canceled. I even had him bless my Kelly Cutrone doll that I may or may not have made out of Mrs. Potato Head spare parts, some newspaper, black yarn, and glue. I’m kidding. I didn’t use black yarn. I used cat whiskers.
Well it seems as if my prayers were answered because I then took to “The Facebook” and both Kelly Cutrone and Whito Port are both claiming these rumors are not true and The City is not being canceled. Seriously, they better never cancel that sh*t because, let’s face it, this is really all I have left. If they ever even thought of ending this show I would just dress up the homeless people who live outside my apartment and force them re-enact my favorite scenes. I mean, I’m not an animal so I would be sure to pay them for their time. However, instead of currency I would pay in tin-foil hats, ripped Walgreen’s bags, and smiles. Oh, and I reached out to Olivia for comment, but apparently she has no clue she even films a television show.
The City Forever,
IBBB (love and light)
Join Me on “The Facebook.” You’ll Love It!
14
Love Letters from Erin Kaplan
Well, well, well. I must admit when I first saw the email from Erin Kaplan of “The City” fame, I immediately assumed it was some type of electronic restraining order or one of those pesky “slander” lawsuits. No joke, when I first saw it I was like, “Oh crap.” That’s usually the reaction I have when I encounter and/or hear from someone I write about. However, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. Who knew Erin Jo loved my City recaps? I love when people I write about “get it.” You know what I mean? They take it all in fun. Erin Kaplan? Gets it. Kelly Cutrone? Gets it. Tommy Lee? Didn’t get it. Kim Zolciak? Didn’t get it. The only thing that could have made this email better is if Erin attached a picture of herself giving me the side-eye or an double eye roll. I’m kidding. It would have been better if the email went a little something like this:
My Dearest IBBB,
Where do I begin? I love your recaps of The City. I love you. I love the fact that as I type this email to you I am using Olivia has a footstool underneath my desk. It’s a little bony, but still comfortable. Anyeyeroll, since I work/live in NYC and you work/live in NYC let’s get together for a beer or 10 and then stop by and pick up Kelly Cutrone and go sing Christmas carols in front of Olivia’s apartment. Oh hell, Joe Zee Messina can come too. We’ll talk about knocking over a 7-11 as the night progresses.
Forever Yours,
Erin Jo
19
Roxy Olin and Jesse Metcalf Because That Makes Sense
Don’t think I didn’t immediately spot you, Roxy Olin. Like a high pitched whistle that only a dog can hear, I can spot a cast-member from an MTV reality show even faster than I can find Waldo. For most it’s like finding a needle in a haystack, but for me it’s like shooting side-eyes in a barrel.
“The City’s” Roxy Olin was apparently trying to learn how to read from Jesse Metcalf whilst at Coachella over the weekend. In additional signs that I’m getting old: Those hats.
How in all the holiest of hells are these two friends? I mean, from a technical standpoint I couldn’t care less, but I think things like this should be public knowledge. Court ordered, some would say.
15
Each One Represents My Facial Expressions While Watching an Episode of “The City”
Whitney, Roxy, and some dude who I will pretend is really Jay suffering from anorexia, were spotted shooting some last minute scenes for “The City” in the West Village of NYC yesterday. Seriously I’m outside every day (at least once), why do I never see Whitney…ever? I bet they just shoot on a sound stage in Brooklyn…or in the basement of Kelly Cutrone’s summer home.
Do you think Whitney is askinK Roxy why she’s bothering shootinK this dumb reality show when she’s had a reoccurring role on ABC’s Brothers & Sisters? I know I’d ask her. In fact, when I’m walking to and from work every day I am ready to shout that at her if I ever see her. I kid. I’d really ask if Whitney passed the 4th grade. I’m kidding. The 3rd.
05
Well Look What the Scripted Cat Dragged In!
I guess there’s no reason to watch the next episode of The City because the photo above is showing that Whitney and Ozzy Bobby are still together. I’m going to take it an assumption further. It looks like these two are married. It looks like Ozzy Bobby is impregnating Whitney as they walk out from STK in LA. It looks like Whitney is 4 centimeters dilated and Ozzy Bobby is mouthing the words to ask me to be the Godfather of their bastard child. I hope Sleepy Time Allie is the Godmother.
Anycowbell, Whitney was out celebrating her 24th birthday. Ah, I remember the days of being 24. I had just got off the Santa Maria, hi-fived Columbus, and signed my name on Ellis Island. It may not have happened in that order, but that’s what I recall. Good day.
04
“The City” Makes Their “Own” Elle Magazine Jessica Alba Cover. Kudos to the Props Department!
Fool me 17 times shame on you. Fool me 4,347 times shame on me (and a little shame on you too, still). Look, it’s not like we don’t know that The City and The Hills script the shit out of their episodes. Fine, they “coach” the shit out of their episodes. But, this may be the most scripted (literally) event that has taken place on The City since that one episode of The Hills where Heidi/Spencer happened to show up at Ketchup with Lauren/Brody. Yet, I still watch.
Anypalermo, if the 10 of you who are watching The City recall, in Monday’s crapisode Whit got piggity-pissed at Olivia for taking the credit for “pulling the clothes” for the Elle Magazine Jessica Alba cover. The two skanks in charge at Diane Von Fartandburp even showed Whitney and Olivia what the cover is going to look like and, wow, it happens to be the shot of Alba in the clothes that Whitney picked and not Olivia. Drama. Yeah, so, uh, the real cover of Elle Magazine with Jessica Alba is not only NOTHING like the one that The City showed, but she’s also wearing NOTHING that Whitney and Olivia picked out. Hurtful.
My final thought on the recap stands true, then. The cake in the background of the last scene was the most interesting (and believable) part of the show. How rude! What was I thinkinK?
16
Live Blogging The City! I Rule!
IBBB is live blogging The City! Lucky you! Feel free to comment here as the crapisode is shown. We’re like a big happy family, aren’t we?
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30
The City Recap: The Editing Machine is Already Broken. Plus, I Still Want to Play Dirty Games with Olivia.
Yes, my photoshopping skill level has officially hit “tilt.” Well the moment we’ve all been waiting for is finally upon us. Nope, not world peace. I’m talking about the season premiere of The City. Within the first few minutes we really get to learn a lot about how this season will go.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
22
Olivia Palermo from The City…..Peace Out Lauren!
Ugh! Stalking people is absolutely exhausting! After seeing a craptastic pukeview of Whitney’s new reality show, “The City” I immediately fell in love with a new “character” who had about 4 seconds of airtime. There haven’t been sweeter words ever whispered than “Hi, I’m Olivia.” After I picked up my perverted jaw I immediately took to “The Google” to find out just who this chick was. Here’s what I discovered:
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
13
Whitney Shoots Scenes for "The City." What is She DoinK?
Ugh. Looks like the producers/creators of Whitney’s new Hills spinoff, “The City” are already giving up. You know how on The Hills now they don’t even bother shooting scenes of Heidi in her “actual” office because they know we don’t believe she works there? They just have her sit in the lobby and they’re like “Fine. Cut. That’s a wrap everybody.” Well I feel like they must already be doing this with Whitney. Did they just photoshop her into this New York scene? I mean, I only ask this because Whitney’s feet are not even on the ground and, let’s face it, the concept of Whitney knowing how to talk on her cell phone and jump AND film a scene at the same time isn’t too probable.
10
Whitney Port Does "The City." Or Is it "CitK?"
What a real craptastic treat it will be for me to be able to to recap 2 horrific shows on a weekly basis. As if my social life couldn’t be more in the can we add this to my white-trash plate of crap to do. Oh well. I’ll do it for my country and I’ll do it for Whitney.
Here’s a little about the show according to Us Weekly who seems to blow anything “Hills” related every chance they get.
According to the release, Port, now a Diane Von Furstenberg employee, reunites with “a best friend from her past” and meets “a guy she’s head-over-heels for.”
“Surrounded by all new friends, pursuing a fresh love life and starting to work in the upper echelon of the fashion industry is a lot to navigate for a new girl in the big city… especially one who has everything to lose,” the release reads. “In a city full of people with their own agendas, Whitney will have to quickly decide who she can trust and who to stay away from.”
I’m not going to lie, I may tune in simply for the fact that I am anxious to actually hear Whitney try to pronounce, “Von Furstenberg.” Who else thinks she’ll be calling her, “Van FurtenberK?”
Lauren is said to be happy for Whitney because she’s such a “likable person.” That is true. Whitney doesn’t drizzle douche when she’s on The Hills, so I don’t know how much drama there will be besides the dead-on assault Whitney will lead against the English language. It’ll be worse than me trying to spell on this here blog. Cripes! Good luck to the both of us.
Whitney, I’ll be looking for you every day now that you’re in NYC. If you feel someone tackle you with a laptop, camera, and cell phone….don’t try to fight it. It’s just me.
This will be interestinK and as I saiT before, Whitney is a real prize who should do well on her own. I lie.
