How Tara Connor, Miss USA, REALLY F’d Up

Posted by IBBB

As you know by now, Miss USA was not fired by Donald Trump. I’m still a little in shock that there was an actual press conference about all of this, but I guess I have seen crazier things before. I now present you my short open letter to Tara Connor, Miss USA:

Dear Tara Connor aka Miss USA,

You really messed things up and I’m a little disappointed in you. Underage drinking? Rehab? Sexual escapades? I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed that you didn’t talk these things up more! The biggest mistake, career wise, that you could have done was apologize for this behavior. And seriously, rehab? Uh, doesn’t everyone drink before they turn 21? Aren’t you just basically building up your tolerance level for your 21st birthday when you’re starting at 16?

Let’s face it, the title Miss USA kinda sucks. I mean, it’s a good title, but seriously what are you going to do with it now? Let’s look and see who’s all over the news, magazines, websites, etc. That would be Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, etc. These people should be role models for you. Get the message? No one likes a good girl. Clearly, drunken trash is the way to go. Ok, so as Miss USA you can be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, but a drunken, bisexual, coke-head FIRED Miss USA gets the cover of US Weekly, People, Entertainment Weekly, and endless talk show appearances. Not to mention you could have been a shoe in for the next season of Dancing with the Stars.

So, as you can see, I’m disappointed in you. Your best bet would have been to show up at your press conference completely shit-house, wreaking of tequila, and swearing into the microphone. Bonus points if you attempt to pull off the Donald’s wig.

In conclusion, I hope you make better decisions for yourself in the future. Have a couple drinks, make out with Paris Hilton, show off a little of the stanky putanky, THEN go to rehab. Ride the wave baby because we’re already starting to forget about you.

See Jesus in Everyone,
Pasquale (Career Advisor to the Stars!)

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Dec
18

Trump to Miss USA: To the Left, To the Left!

Posted by IBBB

donald trump, miss usa, tara connor

All of a sudden a little “coke” is a bad thing? Apparently Donald Trump thinks so and after it’s been reported that current Miss USA, Tara Connor, has tested positive for cocaine and has been sneaking dudes into her Trump apartment, which I guess is frowned upon.

TMZ has reported that the doorman for the Trump building as said that, “She does not live here anymore…and is not allowed on Trump property.” He also didn’t think that this was her choice. Uh yeah, Mr Doorman? I kinda think you will be fired next for blabbing to the paparazzi. Anyway, she should be “decrowned” soon…very soon.

Here’s the way that I think it went down and what Donald Trump said to Miss USA:

To the left, to the left,

Everything you own and your box to the left.

In the closet that’s my rug,

Yes if I bought it, Miss USA please don’t touch.

And keep snorting that coke, that’s fine,

But could you snort and walk at the same time,

And it’s my name that’s on this pad,

So remove your bags, let me call you cab (sponsored by Yahoo!)

You must not know ’bout me, you must not know ’bout me,

The Apprentice on NBC.

Clearly, not as funny as my live Donald Trump impression, but you get the point.