More Mindless Stories on ‘steve sanders’
09
Man With Santa Pubes Beard Attacks Lifelike Q-Tip?
Oh wait, cancel the call to the police. A life-like Q-Tip is actually one Ms Heidi Montag and the man with the Santa pubes beard is actual one Mr. Santa Pubes Pratt. I was wondering why the paparazzi wasn’t doing anything?! Heidi and Steve Sanders continued their “We’re Going to Burn in Hell One Day” victory tour around Robertson Blvd for some much needed camera time and then ended up at a mattress store in which the two used-douche-bags hopped on a bed and played like children with rabies.
I like how that the more time that passes, the more that Heidi is starting to look like Cousin It. At this point she’s basically like a wig hanging on a broomstick….and as talented! Steve Sanders, too, is starting to just turn into a hairball. They better be careful if they’re ever around Heidi’s horse in Crested Butte. I don’t want that precious horse coughing up hair….before it gets slaughtered to make glue. Just sayin’.
06
But Where are the Seagulls?
Fashion, put it all on me don’t you wanna see these clothes on me. At first horrid glance, I assumed that Heidi and Spencer were filming a new and wonderful music video whilst on the beach in CA the other day. Alas, they weren’t. Spencer Pratt is trying to get Heidi Montag’s ass (which at present time is the only real thing on her body) into shape. He was quite the gentleman by holding the umbrella over her head as she lifted weights, did squats, and proceeded to run on the beach.
My favorite photo is the first one where Heidi is doing her best “Superstar!” impersonation. These two are an f’n joke. Who wears a hot-pink J Lo jumper when working out? She’s that douche that’s at the gym that is all dressed up with a full face of makeup and lifting 1lb dumb-bells while walking at a 3.5 pace on the treadmill. I mean, I’ve been to the gym only one time, but that one time I say a girl like that. Anyscript, Heidi is that girl.
I miss the seagulls 
22
Douche Bags! They’re Just Like Us!
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to write creepy comic-strip jokes in the Sunday paper. A normal Sunday paper would never hire me, so I’ve decided to write my own “Hills Comic Strip.” Clearly I have a knack for cheesy jokes and, well, Heidi and Steve Sanders basically write this crap themselves.
05
Funny, This is What I Always Assumed Heidi’s Vaginastein Looked Like
These two can officially kill themselves. I am now giving them permission to do so. Heidi, her new chin, new boobs, new nose, and Steve Sanders filmed riveting scenes for upcoming episodes of this show they’re on. That show is called “The Hills.” Apparently it’s been on for a while.
24
I Now Pronounce You "Mr and Mrs. Santa Pubes." You May Kiss Us Weekly.
Let me just say that I’ve probably taken 4 days off from the blog in the past 2 years. Of course, of course, I would take the day off when Heidi, her new chin, her new boobs, her new nose, her fake hair, would marry Spencer/Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes. Of course I would not find out about this until the end of the day.www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
21
And You Know That the Security Machine Beeped Every Time Heidi Walked Through!
Heidi and Steve Sanders were heading out of LAX to an unknown destination. I’m assuming they’re flying to Crested Butte so that they can cook up and eat Heidi’s horse for Thanksgiving just like the Pilgrims did in 1492. Perhaps my math is wrong.
14
They Don’t Even Bother Hiding the Script
Steve Sanders and Sandy Sanders enjoyed a wonder taco lunch on Sunset Boulevard in LA the other day while they also filmed “scenes” for The Hills. Holy Christ is this season ever going to end? I’m pretty sure I spotted the script sitting right there on their table and I’m 100% certain I spotted Stephanie Pratt’s armpit cleavage. No lunch for me today!
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31
This Time Last Year: Heidi, the Fugly Mermaid
Happy Halloween and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Heidi and Spencer’s Halloween costumes…this time last year…
I wanna be where the chins are. I wanna see, wanna see Heidi dancing. Walking around with those -what do you call ‘em? Oh – fake boobs! Flippin your nose, you don’t get too far. Talent is required for singing, dancing. Up where she walks, up where she runs. Up where she sells-out all day in the sun. Talent free. Wish I could be, part of her world!
Bonus points if you got any of that. Heidi and Steve Sanders got their Halloween costumes off the rack in the Halloween aisle at Walgreens. I can almost smell the plastic and felt from here and I’m not even talking about Heidi’s nose and boobs. Oh! Stop me if you heard this!
Heidi looks simply beautiful with her little mermaid outfit and Steve Sanders looks like the real spiderman! It really is a special day. I mean, Steve Sanders clearly permed his hair for his costume and Heidi clearly washed up on shore for her Halloween costume. The saddest part? At some point these two both looked in the mirror and said, “Perfect. Let’s go.”
24
Stop Teasing Us and Just Use the Gun Already!
First of all if you’re not going to play “Murder/Suicide” than I don’t want to see these pictures. Second of all, I don’t care why these pictures were actually taken…there is no part of me that believes that Heidi Montag can read more than 4 words (boobs, nose, chin, lips). Third of all, I’m waiting for the pictures in which Spencer/Steve Sanders finishes that 6 pack of WhiteTrasheiser bottles and pummels the ever living pee pee out of Chin Montag.
25
And You Know the Homeless Are Like, "Eh, I’ll Pass Thanks"
Heidi and Steve Sanders are continuing on with their “We Help People” press tour. This time around they’re scooping mashed potatos and toilet water sundae’s (I’d assume) at the Union Rescue Mission House.
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22
You Know What? I Don’t Want to See the Slaughtered Cow on the Wall, Why Would I Want to See This?
Unless this is their obituary photo, I don’t want to see it. Heidi and Steve Sanders, from The Hills, are now hanging from the wall at Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant, “Cut.” It’s not as promising as it sounds. Their pictures are hanging there, not them themselves. Ugh. Better luck next time. Seriously the last thing I would want to see as I’m stuffing my fat face is Heidi’s chin looking at me or Steve Sanders creepy wife-beater eyes watching my every move. I am, however, pleasantly surprised that Heidi has almost completed her transformation into a cartoon duck. So that’s the upside.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
17
Oh God, Where Do I Go With This One
Look, even I’m not going to make some dumb joke about these kids. IBBB does, in fact, have a heart….contrary to popular belief. I just think that these kids have already suffered enough. To have to sit there and pretend that they’re happy to see Heidi and Steve Sanders is just like adding salt to the wound.
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15
When Did Spencer Start Dating Cindy McCain?
So is this Cindy McCain sub-storyline going to make it into future crapisodes of The Hills? Steve Sanders and Heidi Montard, who literally looks like a Q-tip, walked the gray carpet at the Pink Party in Santa Monica yesterday. Elyse Walker played host to the 4th Annual function that was held in Hangar 8 at the Santa Monica airport. Proceeds to the benefit will go to the Cedars-Sinai Women’s Cancer Research Institute. That’s a mouthful.
Anytip, Heidi is almost unrecognizable. I mean, not to me. I totally know every feature of Q-Tip Montard as I’ve followed her every move from when she walked that fashion show back in Laguna Beach, you know, the one where Dieter and crew tried to raise money for the millionaires who multi-million dollar homes started to slide off the hill during a major storm. Yeah, that one.
Moving on, it also looks like Steve Sanders may have eased up on the Sun-In he sprays on his head and face (for the Santa pubes) and, apparently, he’s back to the Brady perm. Let’s face it, there’s a lot going on with the both of them. A lot.
11
A Two-Headed Montag Monster…..and Heidi’s Mom is Suddenly the New Dina Lohan
I couldn’t decide on what to title this post so I combined them. I own this crap. I get to decide. Anyhills, my worst nightmare has come true (Siamese Montag sisters) at the same time my dream has come true (Darlene Montag is totally the new Dina Lohan!). It’s almost like Hills implosion for me. Heidi Montag, her more than likely douche-bag sister Holly Montag, her MILFless mother, Darlene, and Steve Sanders were all teeth and fake blond hair while they had a little dinner at STK in LA the other night.
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22
Yes! We Finally Have a Strategy on How to Smoke Bin Landen Out of the Hole He’s Hiding in! Heidi and Spencer are Going to Iraq!
Here’s what Heidi had to say on Extra:
“My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”
