ImBringingBloggingBack

Celebrity Gossip and Pop Culture Blog

More Mindless Stories on ‘steve sanders’

Apr
09

Man With Santa Pubes Beard Attacks Lifelike Q-Tip?

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Oh wait, cancel the call to the police.  A life-like Q-Tip is actually one Ms Heidi Montag and the man with the Santa pubes beard is actual one Mr. Santa Pubes Pratt.  I was wondering why the paparazzi wasn’t doing anything?!  Heidi and Steve Sanders continued their “We’re Going to Burn in Hell One Day” victory tour around Robertson Blvd for some much needed camera time and then ended up at a mattress store in which the two used-douche-bags hopped on a bed and played like children with rabies.

I like how that the more time that passes, the more that Heidi is starting to look like Cousin It.  At this point she’s basically like a wig hanging on a broomstick….and as talented! Steve Sanders, too, is starting to just turn into a hairball.  They better be careful if they’re ever around Heidi’s horse in Crested Butte.  I don’t want that precious horse coughing up hair….before it gets slaughtered to make glue.  Just sayin’.

Feb
06

But Where are the Seagulls?

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Fashion, put it all on me don’t you wanna see these clothes on me.  At first horrid glance, I assumed that Heidi and Spencer were filming a new and wonderful music video whilst on the beach in CA the other day.  Alas, they weren’t.  Spencer Pratt is trying to get Heidi Montag’s ass (which at present time is the only real thing on her body) into shape.  He was quite the gentleman by holding the umbrella over her head as she lifted weights, did squats, and proceeded to run on the beach.

My favorite photo is the first one where Heidi is doing her best “Superstar!” impersonation.  These two are an f’n joke.  Who wears a hot-pink J Lo jumper when working out?  She’s that douche that’s at the gym that is all dressed up with a full face of makeup and lifting 1lb dumb-bells while walking at a 3.5 pace on the treadmill.  I mean, I’ve been to the gym only one time, but that one time I say a girl like that.  Anyscript, Heidi is that girl.

I miss the seagulls :oops:

Dec
22

Douche Bags! They’re Just Like Us!

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to write creepy comic-strip jokes in the Sunday paper. A normal Sunday paper would never hire me, so I’ve decided to write my own “Hills Comic Strip.” Clearly I have a knack for cheesy jokes and, well, Heidi and Steve Sanders basically write this crap themselves.

IBBB can now check this off his list. Only 23,426 more things left to do!
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Dec
05

Funny, This is What I Always Assumed Heidi’s Vaginastein Looked Like


These two can officially kill themselves. I am now giving them permission to do so. Heidi, her new chin, new boobs, new nose, and Steve Sanders filmed riveting scenes for upcoming episodes of this show they’re on. That show is called “The Hills.” Apparently it’s been on for a while.

Whilst the two frolic on the beaches of Mexico I can’t but help to be reminded of a simpler time when Heidi was running on the beach with her arms flailing all about (ideal for the Hokey Pokey) chasing seagulls who were probably infested with rabies. Maybe it was Heidi that had the rabies. Either way someone or something had rabies and I was happier back then.

Nov
24

I Now Pronounce You "Mr and Mrs. Santa Pubes." You May Kiss Us Weekly.

Let me just say that I’ve probably taken 4 days off from the blog in the past 2 years. Of course, of course, I would take the day off when Heidi, her new chin, her new boobs, her new nose, her fake hair, would marry Spencer/Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes. Of course I would not find out about this until the end of the day.
I just have 2 words for Heidi and Steve Sanders. “Thanks for inviting me to the secret wedding. I’m sure Us Weekly was there, on their knees, filming the whole thing and holding the cue cards.”
Anychin, the two natural blonds eloped in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on November 20th. I wonder if Frankie Delgado let them get married in his backyard?
By the way, here is what Steve Sanders vows were: “Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I’m honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always.”
Mmmm sweet. I’m pretty sure “you are the light in my life” is the name of a song. I’m pretty sure “…makes me want to be a better person” was from that Jack Nicholson/Helen Hunt movie. And I’m pretty sure that “I feel complete” was also from a late 90’s movie.
No word yet on what Heidi’s vows were, but rumor has it Heidi said something along the lines of “Ow Spencer! Get your hand out of my ass….it hurts when I talk.” I’m trying to get that verified.
Darlene Montag was not at the wedding and was not supportive of it. When Heidi called to give her a heads up, Darlene thought she was calling to tell her they had broken up. Oh snap! Hopefully Darlene will get revenge by shooting Heidi’s horse on Main Street of Crested Butte.

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Source It Up!

Nov
21

And You Know That the Security Machine Beeped Every Time Heidi Walked Through!

Heidi and Steve Sanders were heading out of LAX to an unknown destination. I’m assuming they’re flying to Crested Butte so that they can cook up and eat Heidi’s horse for Thanksgiving just like the Pilgrims did in 1492. Perhaps my math is wrong.

Anyway, I wonder how many times the security machine beeped when Heidi walked through? I mean, you can take off your belt and remove the change from your pockets, but I don’t think it’s as easy to remove your new chin, nose, and boobs right there whilst you’re in line.

As a side note, aren’t you supposed to take off your shoes when walking through security? Is this a real airport or is this like a “Hills airport?” Ugh. It’s probably the same set they use for Stephanie Pratt’s apartment.

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Nov
14

They Don’t Even Bother Hiding the Script

Steve Sanders and Sandy Sanders enjoyed a wonder taco lunch on Sunset Boulevard in LA the other day while they also filmed “scenes” for The Hills. Holy Christ is this season ever going to end? I’m pretty sure I spotted the script sitting right there on their table and I’m 100% certain I spotted Stephanie Pratt’s armpit cleavage. No lunch for me today!

Looks like Steve Sanders is allowing his perm to grow out. Eh, I’m sure it’s only another week or two before he and the girls head to the salon to get their hair set in rollers again.

Sidenote, Steph just accepted me as a myspace friend, so I’ll let you know how that goes.

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Oct
31

This Time Last Year: Heidi, the Fugly Mermaid


Happy Halloween and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Heidi and Spencer’s Halloween costumes…this time last year…

I wanna be where the chins are. I wanna see, wanna see Heidi dancing. Walking around with those -what do you call ‘em? Oh – fake boobs! Flippin your nose, you don’t get too far. Talent is required for singing, dancing. Up where she walks, up where she runs. Up where she sells-out all day in the sun. Talent free. Wish I could be, part of her world!

Bonus points if you got any of that. Heidi and Steve Sanders got their Halloween costumes off the rack in the Halloween aisle at Walgreens. I can almost smell the plastic and felt from here and I’m not even talking about Heidi’s nose and boobs. Oh! Stop me if you heard this!

Heidi looks simply beautiful with her little mermaid outfit and Steve Sanders looks like the real spiderman! It really is a special day. I mean, Steve Sanders clearly permed his hair for his costume and Heidi clearly washed up on shore for her Halloween costume. The saddest part? At some point these two both looked in the mirror and said, “Perfect. Let’s go.”

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Oct
24

Stop Teasing Us and Just Use the Gun Already!

First of all if you’re not going to play “Murder/Suicide” than I don’t want to see these pictures. Second of all, I don’t care why these pictures were actually taken…there is no part of me that believes that Heidi Montag can read more than 4 words (boobs, nose, chin, lips). Third of all, I’m waiting for the pictures in which Spencer/Steve Sanders finishes that 6 pack of WhiteTrasheiser bottles and pummels the ever living pee pee out of Chin Montag.

Stuff her body in that blue bag and then the both of you can jump off that cliff behind you.

I’m just playing. Keep doing The Hills. Thanks.

Sep
25

And You Know the Homeless Are Like, "Eh, I’ll Pass Thanks"


Heidi and Steve Sanders are continuing on with their “We Help People” press tour. This time around they’re scooping mashed potatos and toilet water sundae’s (I’d assume) at the Union Rescue Mission House.

I have a question. Why are Heidi and Steve Sanders wearing white gardening gloves WITH plastic gloves over their gardening gloves? They’re probably afraid they’ll “catch homeless” if they accidentally brush hands with the housing impaired. How come 2 sets of gloves, yet no hairnet? It doesn’t matter that these people typially eat out if dumpsters, I’m sure they don’t want to choke on Heidi’s Barbie hair that’s stapled to her head or Steve Sanders Santa pubes that are glued to his face. They’ve suffered enough. Let them alone.

P.S–> Before you send me hate mail saying I never do anything to help people you’d be right 99% of the time, but I recently donated some cash to Stand Up to Cancer and I did my good deed without a photoshoot. I mean, mainly because no one would want to take my picture, but still….

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Sep
22

You Know What? I Don’t Want to See the Slaughtered Cow on the Wall, Why Would I Want to See This?



Unless this is their obituary photo, I don’t want to see it. Heidi and Steve Sanders, from The Hills, are now hanging from the wall at Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant, “Cut.” It’s not as promising as it sounds. Their pictures are hanging there, not them themselves. Ugh. Better luck next time. Seriously the last thing I would want to see as I’m stuffing my fat face is Heidi’s chin looking at me or Steve Sanders creepy wife-beater eyes watching my every move. I am, however, pleasantly surprised that Heidi has almost completed her transformation into a cartoon duck. So that’s the upside.

Correct me if I’m wrong (no, don’t) but I believe it was one of Wolfgang Puck’s restaurants that exposed a bunch of celebrities to Hep A. Yes? No? The answer is “yes.” Mmmmm Heidi and Steve Sanders on the wall AND a shot at getting Hep A? When’s my reservation!?

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Sep
17

Oh God, Where Do I Go With This One

Look, even I’m not going to make some dumb joke about these kids. IBBB does, in fact, have a heart….contrary to popular belief. I just think that these kids have already suffered enough. To have to sit there and pretend that they’re happy to see Heidi and Steve Sanders is just like adding salt to the wound.

I mean, what kind of example are Heidi and Steve Sanders to these kids anyway? It’s like having Omarosa swing by the burn unit. Why? They could have had Whitney visit the kids as she at least is a good example. She may not be the smartest, but at least she is wholesome, positive, and hard working.

I don’t even know how this was set up. I’m sure Heidi just happened to be at the hospital getting another layer shaved off her chin and added to her rack and then she probably saw some photographers down the hallway and jumped behind the wheelchair. I want to see the security camera tape because I’d bet my life that’s how it went down.

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Sep
15

When Did Spencer Start Dating Cindy McCain?


So is this Cindy McCain sub-storyline going to make it into future crapisodes of The Hills? Steve Sanders and Heidi Montard, who literally looks like a Q-tip, walked the gray carpet at the Pink Party in Santa Monica yesterday. Elyse Walker played host to the 4th Annual function that was held in Hangar 8 at the Santa Monica airport. Proceeds to the benefit will go to the Cedars-Sinai Women’s Cancer Research Institute. That’s a mouthful.

Anytip, Heidi is almost unrecognizable. I mean, not to me. I totally know every feature of Q-Tip Montard as I’ve followed her every move from when she walked that fashion show back in Laguna Beach, you know, the one where Dieter and crew tried to raise money for the millionaires who multi-million dollar homes started to slide off the hill during a major storm. Yeah, that one.

Moving on, it also looks like Steve Sanders may have eased up on the Sun-In he sprays on his head and face (for the Santa pubes) and, apparently, he’s back to the Brady perm. Let’s face it, there’s a lot going on with the both of them. A lot.

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Aug
11

A Two-Headed Montag Monster…..and Heidi’s Mom is Suddenly the New Dina Lohan




I couldn’t decide on what to title this post so I combined them. I own this crap. I get to decide. Anyhills, my worst nightmare has come true (Siamese Montag sisters) at the same time my dream has come true (Darlene Montag is totally the new Dina Lohan!). It’s almost like Hills implosion for me. Heidi Montag, her more than likely douche-bag sister Holly Montag, her MILFless mother, Darlene, and Steve Sanders were all teeth and fake blond hair while they had a little dinner at STK in LA the other night.

I tell ya, a little lighting from below the face really takes years off. With the camera lights on Darlene looks like 25 year old. When the camera lights fade, Darlene is looking more like her horse that lives at Crested Butte. I miss that damn horse.

I know I said the other day that Holly Montag looked gross, but these pictures make me feel differently. I’m confused. I’m in Montag turmoil. At least you can always count on Heidi to be a complete fright-fest. And Steve Sanders with that extra shiny black shirt? Looks like someone raided Darlene’s closet before they went out. And is that a new perm I see, Spencer? Seems like setting it in rollers the night before is really doing the trick.

6 more sleeps until The Hills is back on!

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Jul
22

Yes! We Finally Have a Strategy on How to Smoke Bin Landen Out of the Hole He’s Hiding in! Heidi and Spencer are Going to Iraq!


Please don’t stop the war yet! Just give it a little more time! Trust me, you’ll thank me later troops! Heidi and Spencer have surprisingly strayed away from Us Weekly and told Extra that Heidi plans on going over to the Middle East and “perform” for the troops. No joke. Haven’t these troops suffered enough? I’m sure after hearing Heidi “perform” for them they’ll be running into Taliban terrorist training camps without their weapons. Imagine? Imagine you’re a solider fighting for our country, you haven’t seen your family in months, you’re shot at everyday, and then you hear the following statement, “Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for HEIDI MONTAG!” This alone should force Bin Laden out of hiding! I knew that Heidi and Spencer would one day be good for something.

Here’s what Heidi had to say on Extra:

“My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”

Source!

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