More Mindless Stories on ‘steve sanders’

Spencer Pratt Quits “The Hills” to Take a Glamorous Job in Desktop Support

I mean come on now.  Seriously.  Which lever to I pull for the anvil to fall on my head?  Heidi and Spencer are continuing their prank on America by coming up with new and ridiculous stories, none of which I buy.  Not one.  I do want to go on record saying I don’t believe any of this.  I don’t believe Heidi got 10 surgeries.  I don’t believe Heidi fired Steve Sanders as her manager and hired a psychic to lead her career.  And now, I don’t believe the latest story that Spencer has quit “The Hills” for the season in order to fight cyber crime, per issue of President Obama.

In the latest craptastic reports, Steve Sanders says, “In the last few months I have discovered a new passion and new purpose to my life. With this in mind, I have decided to take a break from my obligations to MTV’s The Hills and discontinue filming any more episodes for this current season.”

Santa Pubes, who is currently studying software engineering with a focus on encryption at USC says he is headed towards working for American Defense Enterprises in their cyber security division.  Of course he is.

What made Santa Pubes want to leave all the glamor behind and work in the exciting world of “the computers” you ask?  Well you can thank, once again, President Obama.  Prattsicle says, “Upon learning of President Obama’s declaration that the ‘cyber threat is one of the most serious economic and national security challenges we face as a nation,’ I have decided to refocus my energy and devote my full resources to helping America face this and other unprecedented challenges.”

I used to wish that the lights from “The Hills” would fall on his head and knock him out during filming, but now I’m just left to wishing that he gets carpal tunnel syndrome.  Eh, at least it’s a start.

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Man With Santa Pubes Beard Attacks Lifelike Q-Tip?

Oh wait, cancel the call to the police.  A life-like Q-Tip is actually one Ms Heidi Montag and the man with the Santa pubes beard is actual one Mr. Santa Pubes Pratt.  I was wondering why the paparazzi wasn’t doing anything?!  Heidi and Steve Sanders continued their “We’re Going to Burn in Hell One Day” victory tour around Robertson Blvd for some much needed camera time and then ended up at a mattress store in which the two used-douche-bags hopped on a bed and played like children with rabies.

I like how that the more time that passes, the more that Heidi is starting to look like Cousin It.  At this point she’s basically like a wig hanging on a broomstick….and as talented! Steve Sanders, too, is starting to just turn into a hairball.  They better be careful if they’re ever around Heidi’s horse in Crested Butte.  I don’t want that precious horse coughing up hair….before it gets slaughtered to make glue.  Just sayin’.

But Where are the Seagulls?

Fashion, put it all on me don’t you wanna see these clothes on me.  At first horrid glance, I assumed that Heidi and Spencer were filming a new and wonderful music video whilst on the beach in CA the other day.  Alas, they weren’t.  Spencer Pratt is trying to get Heidi Montag’s ass (which at present time is the only real thing on her body) into shape.  He was quite the gentleman by holding the umbrella over her head as she lifted weights, did squats, and proceeded to run on the beach.

My favorite photo is the first one where Heidi is doing her best “Superstar!” impersonation.  These two are an f’n joke.  Who wears a hot-pink J Lo jumper when working out?  She’s that douche that’s at the gym that is all dressed up with a full face of makeup and lifting 1lb dumb-bells while walking at a 3.5 pace on the treadmill.  I mean, I’ve been to the gym only one time, but that one time I say a girl like that.  Anyscript, Heidi is that girl.

I miss the seagulls

Douche Bags! They’re Just Like Us!

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to write creepy comic-strip jokes in the Sunday paper. A normal Sunday paper would never hire me, so I’ve decided to write my own “Hills Comic Strip.” Clearly I have a knack for cheesy jokes and, well, Heidi and Steve Sanders basically write this crap themselves.

Funny, This is What I Always Assumed Heidi’s Vaginastein Looked Like

These two can officially kill themselves. I am now giving them permission to do so. Heidi, her new chin, new boobs, new nose, and Steve Sanders filmed riveting scenes for upcoming episodes of this show they’re on. That show is called “The Hills.” Apparently it’s been on for a while.

Whilst the two frolic on the beaches of Mexico I can’t but help to be reminded of a simpler time when Heidi was running on the beach with her arms flailing all about (ideal for the Hokey Pokey) chasing seagulls who were probably infested with rabies. Maybe it was Heidi that had the rabies. Either way someone or something had rabies and I was happier back then.

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