More Mindless Stories on ‘stephanie pratt’

Stephanie Pratt: I’d Rather Film “The Hills” Without a Script Than Wear Fur – Peta Ad

“I’d Rather Get a Heidi Montag Head Transplant….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Go on a Meth Binge Again and Steal from Aisle 3 in Walgreens….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Learn How to Answer the Phone at People’s Revolution…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Be Stupid Enough to Drink at “Da Club” and Then Pull My Car Out in Front of the Police Who Saw Me Drinking….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Shave Off my Pubes and Hot Glue Gun Them to Spencer’s Face….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Use This Here Photoshopped Rabbit to Lure Enzo Into a Diddler Clown Van….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Shove a Toothbrush Down My Throat, Again (Allegedly)….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather “Do Scissors” With Jen Bunney If That Would Keep The Hills on For Another Season Than Hold This Bunny….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Triple Dip in the Spray Tan Machine, Get a Poof, and Try to Pass as Snooki’s Long Lost Cousin to Get Cast on Jersey Shore Season 2…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Keep Doing Coke to Keep Up With Raspy Coke Voice Cavallari….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Stand on a 10 Foot Ladder so That Audrina Could Look Me in the Eyes When We’re Talking…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Perform Heidi’s Back Scoop Surgery With My Tongue…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Show The Hills Cameras My Empty Shopping Bags When We’re Filming a Scene of Us Leaving Robertson Boulevard…Than Wear Fur.”

Ok.  All Out.  Good day.

Understatement

New faced Stephanie Pratt was all tired smiles and knobby wrinkly knees while she posed at “Super Trash” at Sundance in Park City, Utah over the weekend.  Super Trash which is English for “A lot of trash” is a new clothing line that will debut at New York fashion week.

Stephanie, the least deserving of all the Pratt’s, is already back to work filming realistic looking scenes for the new season of The Hills with fellow undeserving castmates, Kristin Cavallari and Teefs Patridge.  While I don’t want to spoil the plot, I’m sure it’s safe to say that all three girls fight over Justin Bobby until the director yells “cut” and then removes the batteries from each of them.

I’m looking forward to the new season of The Hills as it will be most enjoyable trying to figure out which one is playing Audrina, which plays Heidi, and which plays Stephanie.  It’s like when Roseanne recast “Becky” and “Bewitched” replaced Darren.  Hopefully though they can take the cue from Happy Days and Family Matters and send one of the cast members up to their “room” to never be seen or heard from again!

Stephanie Pratt at Millions of Methshakes

Our little Hills minx, Stephanie Pratt, has become quite popular at the offices of IBBB.  And why shouldn’t she be?  She’s is an upstanding citizen and brilliant actress.  A triple threat, if you will.  Anyscript, Steph was one of the latest “celebrities” (puke) to make up their very own milkshake at “Millions of Milkshakes” in West Hollywood over the weekend.

With the paparazzi and random onlookers, Stephanie worked as quickly as she could crafting the new methshake milkshake that she called, “Steph’s Slumber Party.”  That’s not a joke.  She did.  While the secret ingredients are not available, I’ll take a stab at the recipe.  Simple mix:

1 cup of methamphetamine
3/4 cup of grey goose at room temperature (just get it out of her trunk)
2 scoops of vanilla ice cream (pre-purge)
1 Hills script shredded and then sauteed over a low flame (22 minutes)
1 old nose (either Stephanie’s or Heidi’s, if generic)
1 old chin (either Stephanie’s or Heidi’s, if generic)
Once finished, simply take methshake on the road with you!  It makes the perfect
refreshment when you’re being questioned by police and given a sobriety test.  Ole!

It’s Not Like She’s Going to Eat it Anyway

Stephanie Pratt, the Tina Yothers of our generation, was being the best little scripted elf she could be by serving food on Christmas Eve at the Los Angeles Mission.  I’m not sure the last time someone took the temperature of the homeless, but asparagus wrapped in bacon is enough for me to stop paying rent and head out into the cold streets of New York.

Stephie Poops was all smiles even whilst she dished out the food and pretended to not look puzzled by the way the food looks when not floating in the toilet.  Allegedly.  I always think it’s a wondrous thing when you help out a charity and get your picture taken.  It worked for Mother Theresa and, well, it works for Stephanie Pratt.

I’ll Take the Stephanie Pratt Lamp for $199, Pat, and the Rest in a Gift Certificate.

Everyone’s favorite scriptedly drunken puke machine, Stephanie Pratt showed up to show her support at the Candy Ice Jewelry ”Sparkle in Their Eyes” charity event in LA the other night.  I’m sure Methanie was just pleased that it was “Sparkle in their eyes” and not “Police lights in her eyes.”  Hey oh!  Well, with the recent Stephanie Pratt jingles I’ve written lately like the Stephanie Pratt Fraggle Rock jingle and the Stephanie Pratt Christmas jingle, I only see it fitting to keep up the musical tradition that, sadly and pathetically, is taking place lately on IBBB.  So here we go. To the tune of Frank Sinatra’s “The Lady is a Tramp”  And a 1 and a 2 and a 1, 2, 3, 4…

She just too high for dinner at 8,
She loves to drink and stays out too late,
She loves her brother, even though I hate,
That’s why Stephanie Pratt is an anorexic lamp.

Threatens to leave The Hills whilst her lunch she hurls,
Is becoming less interesting whilst Holly Montag does drunken twirls,
Only dishes the dirt whilst the MTV camera rolls,
That’s why Stephanie Pratt is an anorexic lamp.

Her face is sunken in, her arms look like rods,
Looks more like a bobble-head, than the rest of these broads,
Someone check the script, this show only features frauds,
That’s why Stephanie Pratt is an anorexic lamp.