More Mindless Stories on ‘stephanie pratt’
22
Stephanie Pratt: I’d Rather Film “The Hills” Without a Script Than Wear Fur – Peta Ad
“I’d Rather Get a Heidi Montag Head Transplant….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Go on a Meth Binge Again and Steal from Aisle 3 in Walgreens….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Learn How to Answer the Phone at People’s Revolution…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Be Stupid Enough to Drink at “Da Club” and Then Pull My Car Out in Front of the Police Who Saw Me Drinking….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Shave Off my Pubes and Hot Glue Gun Them to Spencer’s Face….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Use This Here Photoshopped Rabbit to Lure Enzo Into a Diddler Clown Van….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Shove a Toothbrush Down My Throat, Again (Allegedly)….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather “Do Scissors” With Jen Bunney If That Would Keep The Hills on For Another Season Than Hold This Bunny….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Triple Dip in the Spray Tan Machine, Get a Poof, and Try to Pass as Snooki’s Long Lost Cousin to Get Cast on Jersey Shore Season 2…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Keep Doing Coke to Keep Up With Raspy Coke Voice Cavallari….Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Stand on a 10 Foot Ladder so That Audrina Could Look Me in the Eyes When We’re Talking…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Perform Heidi’s Back Scoop Surgery With My Tongue…Than Wear Fur.”
“I’d Rather Show The Hills Cameras My Empty Shopping Bags When We’re Filming a Scene of Us Leaving Robertson Boulevard…Than Wear Fur.”
Ok. All Out. Good day.
26
Understatement
New faced Stephanie Pratt was all tired smiles and knobby wrinkly knees while she posed at “Super Trash” at Sundance in Park City, Utah over the weekend. Super Trash which is English for “A lot of trash” is a new clothing line that will debut at New York fashion week.
Stephanie, the least deserving of all the Pratt’s, is already back to work filming realistic looking scenes for the new season of The Hills with fellow undeserving castmates, Kristin Cavallari and Teefs Patridge. While I don’t want to spoil the plot, I’m sure it’s safe to say that all three girls fight over Justin Bobby until the director yells “cut” and then removes the batteries from each of them.
I’m looking forward to the new season of The Hills as it will be most enjoyable trying to figure out which one is playing Audrina, which plays Heidi, and which plays Stephanie. It’s like when Roseanne recast “Becky” and “Bewitched” replaced Darren. Hopefully though they can take the cue from Happy Days and Family Matters and send one of the cast members up to their “room” to never be seen or heard from again!
12
Stephanie Pratt at Millions of Methshakes
Our little Hills minx, Stephanie Pratt, has become quite popular at the offices of IBBB. And why shouldn’t she be? She’s is an upstanding citizen and brilliant actress. A triple threat, if you will. Anyscript, Steph was one of the latest “celebrities” (puke) to make up their very own milkshake at “Millions of Milkshakes” in West Hollywood over the weekend.
With the paparazzi and random onlookers, Stephanie worked as quickly as she could crafting the new methshake milkshake that she called, “Steph’s Slumber Party.” That’s not a joke. She did. While the secret ingredients are not available, I’ll take a stab at the recipe. Simple mix:
1 cup of methamphetamine
3/4 cup of grey goose at room temperature (just get it out of her trunk)
2 scoops of vanilla ice cream (pre-purge)
1 Hills script shredded and then sauteed over a low flame (22 minutes)
1 old nose (either Stephanie’s or Heidi’s, if generic)
1 old chin (either Stephanie’s or Heidi’s, if generic)
Once finished, simply take methshake on the road with you! It makes the perfect
refreshment when you’re being questioned by police and given a sobriety test. Ole!
28
It’s Not Like She’s Going to Eat it Anyway
Stephanie Pratt, the Tina Yothers of our generation, was being the best little scripted elf she could be by serving food on Christmas Eve at the Los Angeles Mission. I’m not sure the last time someone took the temperature of the homeless, but asparagus wrapped in bacon is enough for me to stop paying rent and head out into the cold streets of New York.
Stephie Poops was all smiles even whilst she dished out the food and pretended to not look puzzled by the way the food looks when not floating in the toilet. Allegedly. I always think it’s a wondrous thing when you help out a charity and get your picture taken. It worked for Mother Theresa and, well, it works for Stephanie Pratt.
18
I’ll Take the Stephanie Pratt Lamp for $199, Pat, and the Rest in a Gift Certificate.
Everyone’s favorite scriptedly drunken puke machine, Stephanie Pratt showed up to show her support at the Candy Ice Jewelry ”Sparkle in Their Eyes” charity event in LA the other night. I’m sure Methanie was just pleased that it was “Sparkle in their eyes” and not “Police lights in her eyes.” Hey oh! Well, with the recent Stephanie Pratt jingles I’ve written lately like the Stephanie Pratt Fraggle Rock jingle and the Stephanie Pratt Christmas jingle, I only see it fitting to keep up the musical tradition that, sadly and pathetically, is taking place lately on IBBB. So here we go. To the tune of Frank Sinatra’s “The Lady is a Tramp” And a 1 and a 2 and a 1, 2, 3, 4…
She just too high for dinner at 8,
She loves to drink and stays out too late,
She loves her brother, even though I hate,
That’s why Stephanie Pratt is an anorexic lamp.
Threatens to leave The Hills whilst her lunch she hurls,
Is becoming less interesting whilst Holly Montag does drunken twirls,
Only dishes the dirt whilst the MTV camera rolls,
That’s why Stephanie Pratt is an anorexic lamp.
Her face is sunken in, her arms look like rods,
Looks more like a bobble-head, than the rest of these broads,
Someone check the script, this show only features frauds,
That’s why Stephanie Pratt is an anorexic lamp.
11
Oh I’m Sorry. Is That Stephanie Pratt With “Red” from “Fraggle Rock?” You Guys See This Too, Right?
So Stephanie Pratt was taking a picture with Red from Fraggle Rock at Kitson in Los Angeles yesterday. Well that’s a sentence that not only did I never think I would say, but I’m almost certain it’s also a sentence that has never been said by another living human being. Red came out of retirement to help raise money for a Toy Drive to Benefit the LA Mission in California. Since my Stephanie Pratt Christmas Song was such a hit with “the kids” let’s do another one with the theme song to Fraggle Rock. And a 1, and a 2, and a 1, 2, 3, 4…
Puke the pounds away,
Steph can workout another day,
Drunk-driving’s not the way,
Meet “The Hills” cock block!
Lollipop Heads are “in” today,
Make sure you stash your meth away,
Let the Douche-Bags play,
They’re Brody, Frankie, Heidi, Spencer, Audrina, Enzo!
Throw the script away,
Move “The Hills” back to Monday,
Invite LC to come back to play,
Meet “The Hills” cock block!
Meet “The Hills” cock block!
Meet “The Hills” cock block!
How do I make that into a ringtone? Anyterriblepeople, Steph Pratt wasn’t the only random chilling with Red. Check out the pictorials below of others like: Paris Hilton, Joey Lawrence, Carmen Electra, and the chick who played Becca Thacher on “Life Goes On.”
07
I Always Knew Santa Was a Drunk. I Just Never Knew He Suffered From Anorexiaitis
Here comes Drunky Claus,
Here comes Drunky Claus,
Right down Anorexia Lane.
New nose and lips, and all her reindeer,
With Meth shooting out of her veins!
Sirens ringing, driving and drinking,
Stephie’s merry, but not bright,
So get your bail money and say your prayers,
‘Cause Drunky Claus comes tonight!
Here comes Drunky Claus,
Here comes Drunky Claus,
Right down Anorexia Lane.
She’s gotta bag that’s filled with meth,
For Heidi and Spencer again!
Bells are ringing, Enzo’s INS’ing,
The Hills is such a fright,
So jump in bed, Stephanie’s got a new head,
‘Cause Drunky Claus comes tonight!
23
So Apparently Stephanie Pratt Has Officially Morphed Into That Chick from Danity Kane
Well, it’s offical. After buying a new face, which I will assume is taken from The Heidi Montag Facial Blueprint (new nose, new chin, new lips), dropping down to an anorexic-prize-fighter weight, grabbing a free DUI, and adding a little pink to her hair, Stephanie Pratt has officially morphed into that chick from Danity Kane. I believe that chicks name was Syphilicious or something like that.
Anydazed, Stephanie Pratt was all frozen face at the premiere of “Ninja Assassin” in sunny Los Angeles over the weekend. Hopefully she’s taking copious notes on this assassin business so she can take out the entire “cast” of The Hills before the show ends.
20
She’s So Fine, There’s No Telling Where the Money Went
The lights are on, but you’re not home, you’re mind is not your own. Might as well face it you’re addicted to love. Kristin Cavallari, only missing her guitar and additional backup dancers, was all pissed-off looks while she attended the Us Weekly’s 2009 Hot Hollywood fiesta that took place in West Hollywood. That’s California, my map says. Other guests who attended that I deemed note-worthy and by “note-worthy” I, of course, mean “brain-rotting” were Whitney Port, Stephanie Pratt, and Joel McHale. Obviously I tossed in Joel McHale as he is my career inspiration and his time on The Soup must be winding down. Check out my lazy thumbnails below and see if you can figure who some of these headless pictures belong to.
19
Holly Montag’s Drunken Birthday Wish (According to Me)
Dear Birthday Jesus-Wish-Giver,
Hey. It’s Holly. Woooooooo! I am so drunk Birthday Jesus-Wish-Giver. So drunk. What’d you say? Whatdyousay? Whaaatdyousaaay? It’s my birthday!!! What’dyousaaay? Stephanie stop tryin’ to interupt mybithdaywish with Birthday Jesus-Wish-Giver. God Stephanie you’re so like this. I hate you. Stephanie? I totally love you, you’re like my burp…you’re like my…burp….my buurrrp….sister. No seriously I like (insert tears) love you, like a lot. Why’s Stacie here? Why’s Stacie here? She’s such a bitch. Stacie I love you! Let’s show our tounges to everyone. Oh my God Stephanie you’re tongue is blue. Your tongue is blue. Yourtongueisblue. Did you blow a smurf? Ohmygod did you blowasmurf? Stephanie who’s standing next to you? Hey you. Hey…you. You. Hey. I said hey you. Oh, hey Stacie whendyougethere? Stacie your tongue is totally blue. Is Stephanie’s? What? My tongue is blue too? Stephanie did you just say my tongue is blue too? Whendyougethere Stephanie? Stephanie you’re such a bitch. I love you. Hey guys, you guys wanna stick out our tongues and give peace signs and shit? Hey guys, you guys wanna stick out our tongues and give peace signs and shit? Hey guys, you guys wanna stick out our tongues and give peace signs and shit? Hey guys, you guys wanna stick out our tongues and give peace signs and shit? Oh wait was I not saying that out loud? Oh my God you guys I just said the same sentence like a thousand times in my head.
Anyway, Birthday Jesus-Wish-Giver are you still there? Ok so here’s my birthday wish. Here’s my birthday wish. Heresmybirthday wish. We’re all driving home tonight. Let Stephanie be the one who gets pulled over, ok? Thank you Birthday Jesus-Wish-Giver!
Wooo hoooo it’s my birthday! It’smybirthdayyouguys. Hey Stacie and Steph. When did you guys get here? Whendidyouguys get….here. BURRRRRRRRRRRP.
18
Stephanie Pratt Arrested for DUI. My Money Was on Holly Montag.
Wow. They will stop at nothing to promote the upcoming crapisode of The Hills! At least they’re sticking with the theme: Drunken Undeserving Skankasauras’. According the my friends at TMZ, Stephanie Pratt was arrested in the early morning hours and charged with DUI in happy Hollywood, CA. I hope Heidi is praying for her.
According to TMZ, her bail was set at $5,000 or approximately what Frankie Delgado is hoping to get paid per season on The Hills. It has been reported that some drunk bastards outside of “da club” were taking pictures of Stephanie getting cuffed and, well, I’ve already added these alleged pictures on my list to Santa Claus, so hopefully these will surface soon.
I would have put money on HOlly Ethel Mertz Montag getting busted for DUI since this weeks crapisode of The Hills features HOlly getting trashed on the regular, an episode that I’m hoping makes it into the Hills Hall of Fame.
12
There May Be a Problem When Audrina is the Fat One
Stephanie Pratt is apparently on day 100 of her “Tour of Anorexia.” You know there’s a bit of a problem in the food department when Audrina is now the fat one on the show. I mean, pull out Audrina’s two front teef and she appears to still weigh a good 25 pounds more than Stephanie. All in all they probably both weigh 110 pounds combined, but Oddrina better shine up her toof brush and start playing “puke, blah, and wahhh” over the toilet or Stephanie is going to really start showing her up!
Please note that IBBB does not promote playing “puke, blah, and wahhh” over the toilet. In fact, IBBB feels that women should get up to Oprah’s weight as I’m sure she will just make it mandatory at some point before the year is over. Perhaps a law.
02
Someone Check His Cuffs for Pratt’s Meth Stash
“Hills Monday” continues with a little Stephanie Pratt/Sandy Sanders walking up the street with some dude who’s dressed the same way that my mom would dress me when I was really little and couldn’t fit into normal sizes pants. She’s literally cuff my pants up to my knees and I could wear said pants until I was like 15. Cost effective! Who knew that I was dressed like a douche-bag way back when!?
Also, please note that “Pratt’s Meth Stash” is not to be confused with “Lauren’s Mustache.” Two different things.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
