More Mindless Stories on ‘snooki from jersey shore’
09
Couples Who Wax Their Eyebrows Together Stay Together
It’s like where does his hair end and her face begin? Or where does her hair end and his face begin? If I wasn’t being told this was Snooki’s new boyfriend I would have just assumed it was a caricature rendering of Snooki on the street at the Super Bowl being held up next to the real Snooki.
The Sophia Loren of our generation, Snooki Polizzi told Radar Online all the important details of her new boyfriend: “He is actually a body builder and works at the gym. He is just like my typical guido juicehead with like a good personality. We’re the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that.”
And you totally know Jesus is thinking, “And I died on the cross for this?!”
04
Why Did Snooki’s Makeover Turn Her Into an Asian Extra on Dynasty?
If there’s one thing you know I love it’s Snooki. Snooki for breakfast. Snooki for lunch. Snooki for dinner. Hell, even Snooki for a sensible mid-day snack. This time around Snooki was getting a complete makeover which basically consisted of brushing out her “freakin’ poof” and removing her slut clothes.
Snooki spoke with Inside Edition about being ready, yet nervous, for a quick makeover. Snooki waaaahed, “I can’t even walk out of the house unless I put bronzer on. My hairstyle is called “the poof.” I’m actually 4′9″, but maybe 4′11″ with the poof!”
According to IE, “Celebrity hairstylist Francky L’official brushed out Snooki’s sky-high poof. Then, her heavy bronzer and dark eyeliner and shadow were replaced with much lighter neutrals and Us Weekly’s Fashion Director Sasha Charnin Morrison stripped off the “Jersey shore” and put Snooki in couture.”
31
Snooki Goes to the Grammy Awards
Nope, you’re eyes aren’t deceiving you. That is not Lil Kim on the red carpet at the Grammy’s just now, and it’s not Danny Devito in a purple dress either. That is one Ms. Snooki “Nicole” Polizzi and I have no idea why she gets to go to the Grammy Awards (very early I might add) and I’m stuck here in NYC sitting on my couch and writing about it. Fine, she landed a gig for MTV to be a red carpet correspondent, but still I definitely need to up my “douche bag status” in time for next years Grammy’s.
I have to admit that Snooki looks like she lost a little bit of weight. I mean, don’t get me wrong, when she exhales her dress will likely snap up like a rubber band and expose her “gentlemen greeter” whilst the photographers snap it up…but she still looks decent. Maybe the lack of “poof” makes her look thinner, you know, like when you paint a house a dark color it looks smaller? Yeah, like that.
I’m telling you, without the “freakin’ poof” Snooki is almost looking a little like Christina Aguilera. Maybe we’ll hear a duet from them soon.
Check out some other pictures of Snooki from the 2010 Grammy Awards. Fist pump, fist pump, fist pump.
25
I’ll Take, “Things That Are Taller Than Snooki” For $200
People always ask me how tall is Snooki and you know what I tell them? Google it. That’s what I say. Google it. However, this really got me to thinking, how in the Guidette hell tall is Snooki from Jersey Shore? After that thought, I then thought, “I wonder how many other random things are taller than Snooki” and, sadly, this is what I came up with.
- Snooki stands somewhere around 4′9″ – 4′10″, maybe 4′11″ but that depends on two things: (1) The size of her freakin’ poof and (2) the wind.
- Danny Devito (the father of Snooki in my mind) is taller than Snooki standing at a whopping 5 feet.
- 15 duck phones stacked on top of each other are taller than Snooki quacking at 5′ 1″.
- 10 Dep gel bottles carefully balanced one on top of the other stands stiff at 5′ 4″.
- One official leg lamp from “A Christmas Story” is taller than Snooki by standing sexy at 5′ 5″.
- 34 of Snooki’s “freakin poofs” hair-sprayed together (thanks to ample AquaNet) is taller than Snooki at an outstanding 5′ 8″.
Well there you have it, folks. Don’t say you don’t learn things like math and science when you visit IBBB because, clearly, you do. Studying this Snooki Height Chart is likely to help raise your SAT math scores up to about a 250 so, well, you’re welcome!
19
Brad Ferro, the Dude Who Punched My Little Snooki, Suing MTV?
As if this couldn’t end up anywhere else but Judge Judy. Brad Ferro, the teacher who allegedly snooki-punched Jersey Shore’s Snooki in the Burnt Sienna face, may be suing MTV after he was fired from his Queen’s High School teaching position. My random drunken sources claim while Ferro, 23, did sign the release form for the production company/MTV to show and use his image in any way they see fit, he also may have signed this form while not of sound mind (aka three-sheets to the wind).
As you know, after weeks of promoting the Snooki punch, MTV ended up removing the punch from the actual crapisode of Jersey Shore but, let’s face it, that image has been burned into our minds and runs on a constant loop in slow motion. Isn’t it a little too late from Ferro to sue for defamation of character? Even if it’s not, his best bet is to stop drawing any additional attention to himself…unless it includes him being added to a future cast of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Dancing With the Stars? Sky could be the limit, although I’m sure Jersey will be his limit.
I always knew that I held a special bond with My Little Snooki and now I finally realized the the punch took place on August 19th, IBBB’s birthday! It’s like all the stars have aligned.
Catch up on all the Jersey Shore recaps before the season finale which airs this coming Thursday, January 21st @ 10pm on MTV.
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11
Snooki Puts on Everything She Owns for a Fist Pumping Competition
Originally thinking that her “freakin’ poof” came to life, began to learn, and then started attacking its owner, I soon realized that Jersey Shore’s Snooki was just wearing a hood with some fur whilst on the gel’d carpet at the Opium Nightclub inside the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida on Saturday (1.9.10).
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi put on everything she owned in order to host the night. Yes, she is, in fact, the host of the night. What is the event, you ask? Why it’s a “Fist Pumping” competition, but of course! So how much does Snooki get paid for something like this? Oh, the answer to that would be $10,000. Yes, really.
Snooki is taking a cue from the “Lauren Conrad Mustache of Success” book and making sure that she is milking every last second of fame while she can. Now I personally think that LC’s mustache is a bit thicker, but that could just be because we’re looking at dark hair on pale white skin, versus looking at Snooki’s mustache which is dark hair on orange skin. I believe that’s called an optical illusion.
Also interesting to note is that this fist pumping competition takes place in the same location that Anna Nicole Smith was found dead so, well, good luck with that foreshadowing Snooki, good luck with that.
07
Snooki: From Duck Phone to Duck Hunt
Hold on to your “freakin’ poof” because Snooki from Jersey Shore stopped by the MTV Newsroom to catch up with some of the good folks over there (who will hopefully, for the love of God, hire me one day) and to play a little shootin’ game called “Big Buck Safari.” With big plastic gun in hand, Snooki tried to beat out Spencer Pratt’s high score by shooing animals as they appeared on screen. I’m sure it was a little difficult for her as seeing all the animals probably confused her into thinking it was fellow cast members getting their hair “did” for a night out at “da club.”
Snooki had a little trouble spelling her own name and just settled for “Sno” and then began shooting away. Toss in some F-bombs and “bitch” shout outs and you’ve got yourself a very entertaining 1 minute and 56 seconds of pure Snookivision.
My personal favorite is at the end when Snooki is told that her high score beat out Tokio Hotel and she responds by saying “Who’s that?” Awww Snooki Snooki!
Check out the recent photo of our beloved Snooki below blowing us a kiss at MTV the other day. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it yet again, “Snooki is the love child of Lil’ Kim and Danny Devito.” Quote me.
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20
Snooki on SNL (Saturday Night Live) Weekend Update
Past Jersey Shore Recaps
You knew it was only a matter of time before a skit about Snooki from Jersey Shore was to make its way onto Saturday Night Live Weekend Update. And who better to play Snooki than Bobby Moynihan?! We even get a guest appearance by Mike “The Situation” and his abs that seem to cover his entire body. What a treat for 11:55 at night.
I’m hoping, and by “hoping” I mean “starting a letter writing campaign” that future Jersey Shore skits will also consist of Jenny Slade playing JWoww ShamWow and Kristin Wiig as either Sammi SweatStains or Pauly D. Yes, I think she could play a man just as well.
Spoiler Alert: My favorite line from Snooki at the end is when she tells Seth that he can call her Garfield because she’s orange and likes lasagna. Brilliant.
As a side note, how I’m not a Jersey Shore consultant on SNL is beyond me. With all the Jersey Shore recaps I’ve done and additional mindless coverage you would think I’d be the perfect fit. Alas, I am trapped prisoner here at this blog.
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Play the trivia game “Jersey Shore Hair…or Just an Animal?” by clicking on the video below:
Past Jersey Shore Recaps
17
Jersey Shore Cast Jaywalking on Leno = Early Christmas Gift from Jesus Claus
Is it normal that when Snooki, Grandpa Situation, and Pauly D from Jersey Shore were on Leno last night playing the Jaywalking game not only did I get a bunch of emails, but I also got text messages, including my dad telling me to immediately put on Leno to see this. Well, I think it’s normal. When you think of Jersey Shore you should think of IBBB. Such is life. Anywax, this clip was actually pretty entertaining and, once again, Snooki stole the spotlight. I won’t give anything away so you can enjoy it on your own, but all I have to say is that the Snooki punch may have actually done some good for her. Allegedly.
Play the trivia game “Jersey Shore Hair…or Just an Animal?” by clicking on the video below:
14
Snooki Brings Her Myspace Poses to the Video Game Awards
Awwwwww Snooki, Snooki! I did it all for the Snooki, the Snooki, so you can take that BumpIt and stick it up your WAH, stick it up your WAH, stick it up your WAH! Well, those are the only two songs I can think of inserting Snooki’s name in for now. Anytruckerhats, Snooki (Nicole Polozzi), from Jersey Shore, graced us all with her signature Myspace poses on the red carpet during the Video Game Awards in LA the other day. These poses consist of “The Boob Push Out,” and “The Kissy Lips,” and my personal favorite, “The Boob Push Out with The Kissy Lips AND the Hand on Hip.” Seriously, if someone doesn’t take Snooki for a DNA test to prove that she’s the illegitimate daughter of Lil Kim and Danny Devito, I’ m going to take her on Judge Judy and force her to take the test myself. I mean, I have no vested interest, but as a citizen of The United States and/or Some of the Americas, I think it is my civic duty.
Check out some of the other Guido’s and Guidette’s at the Video Game Awards like Grandpa Situation, JWOW(Janky Wigs on Whitetrash Woman), and Pauly D. No word, yet, on where Sammi Sweetheart was, but all dumpsters in the local area are thoroughly being inspected.
11
Snooki Punch Update: MTV Pulls Snooki Punch. So, Um, Erase it From Your Memory.
My hopefully future employer one day, E! News, has just reported that MTV has decided to pull the footage of Snooki getting socked in the face, allegedly, by gym teacher, Brad Ferro after receiving a ton of negative feedback from viewers, sponsors, Santa Christ, Jesus Claus, and Elian Gonzalez.
MTV issued a statement in which they said, “What happened to Snooki was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing. After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context not to show the severity of this act or resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air Snooki being physically punched in the face.”
Well, there you have it. I guess I agree with them, but at the same time if we were forced to sit through 2 full seasons of “The Ashlee Simpson Show” back in 2004, surely Americans (sorry Canada) can handle this. Eh, either way sometimes it’s best to take the high road.
However, if it were up to me, I would just edit in the d-bag who hit her hitting a pop up clown instead of Snooki. See? There are ways around this.
What do you guys think about this? The right choice? Sponsor pressure? A Chrismtas miracle?
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07
Who Punches Snooki in the Face on Jersey Shore, You Ask?
Check Out the “Jersey Shore” Craptastic Recap, Sponsored by AquaNet!
IBBB’s Jersey Shore recaps are apparently the new Hills and The City recaps, which is fine by me! Also, people seem to think that somehow I know these people or work on the show. I don’t. I just watch, in horror, from the comfort of my apartment with a moderate beer buzz and hands partially covering my eyes.
Everyone seems to want to know who punches Snooki in the face during this craptastic season of MTV’s Jersey Shore. My first guess would, of course, be “karma,” but after doing a little ghetto research, I may have found the answer. According to a Philadelphia newspaper from August 2009, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, don’t sue me, allegedly, allegedly, I have nothing to sue over, allegedly, a drunk man from New York, Brad Ferro (23 yrs-old) punched a female cast member (Snooki) square in her over-tanned, caked-on-makeup, Guidette face….AFTER stealing her drink at the bar. Surprisingly, Brad Ferro’s hand didn’t shatter in 14 different places after it came in contact with Snooki’s “faccia brutta.”
According to the police report, Ferro was arrested on simple-assault and disorderly-person charges and Snooki was not treated. Not even to a full Ricki Lake style makeover? Let down.
I, personally, was surprised it was considered assault since I thought that’s just how people in New Jersey said “hello” to each other. Rumor has it, that had Ferro been from New Jersey and not New York, one Ms. Nicole Snooki would be married to him today and living a juiced-up-tanned-out-Guido-Guidette-dream-life on the Jersey Shore with two baby girls, both with tiny little “freakin’ poofs” on top of their heads.
Looks like we’ll just have to stay tuned to watch this scene in terror and wait to hear Snooki say, “Who hits a girl!?!”
And remember, friends, it’s never ok to hit a girl. If you get the urge, just hit yourself in the face. Deal? Deal!
Play the trivia game “Jersey Shore Hair…or Just an Animal?” by clicking on the video below:
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