More Mindless Stories on ‘sass-off’
14
Aretha is Hungry and On Edge
Oh snap! Oh no you just did not! Similar to the rule of Oprah, don’t ever sass Aretha, especially when she’s just coming off a diet. So I guess Aretha’s leather thong is shoved to far up her Immaculate ass because she is not too happy with Beyonce and the Grammy’s overall. Here’s what went down (minus the food) after Beyonce introduced Tina Turner/Tina Knowles as “the queen. Aretha said, “I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé. However, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy.”
First off, please don’t use “stepping on someones toes” lightly. If that actually we to happen the person whose toes were stepped on by Aretha would probably need their foot amputated and replaced with a wooden peg. Second of all, huh? Third, my eyes were the ones that were bruised when I was forced to watch Aretha sing gospel with her boobs not only hanging down to the ground, but swinging around like props from Cirque du Soleil.
While Beyonce couldn’t be reached for comment, her father/lover could and here’s what Matthew Knowles had to say: “Beyonce referred to Tina Turner as a queen. Not queen of gospel, queen of soul, queen of blues, Queen of England. I consider my wife a queen and sometimes call her that. Does Aretha have a problem with that?”
Ouch. Get ready for the smackdown Matty. Oh, and my money is on Aretha. And I hear she doesn’t use her boobs or ass as a weapon. Nope. She uses one of her many chins. Geesh just give her a hug and a hoagie and let’s call it a day.
08
Mariah, J Lo, and a Pig Walk Into a Bar
Uh, sooooooooooieeeee! Being on stage with J Glow is like being on stage with a pig. I’m just kidding. Being on stage with Lupe Lopze (her mom) is like singing with a pig. That Lupe is a real slam-pig, or so I hear when I’m riding the 6. I have no idea what any of that means. The point is is that I want to hear Mariah and Saint Jennifer singing “Waiting for Tonight” and doing futuristic dance moves. Hell, I’d settle for them both singing Bailamos and/or insert popular Spanglish song from 1998 here ___________.
At this time J Glow has yet to comment on Mariah’s statement as she is still peacing the puzzle together of what exactly Marc Anthony is.
Anyway, let me settle this between these two once and for all. Mariah, don’t dance….ever. J Lo, don’t sing….ever. Mariah and J Lo, don’t act….ever…ever….ever again. Problem solved!
10
Halle Berry Has a "Sass-Off" at CVS
Halle Berry can do no wrong in my book. I mean, sure, she had that whole hit-and-run incident a few years back and even thought of killing herself years ago too, but I love me some crazies and Halle fits the bill. Halle was at CVS in Malibu the other day and appears to be having a “sass-off” with some customers as she leaves the store. In photo one, the customers shoot a little sass at Halle. In photo two, Halle walks away and shoots her own sass back at them, but unfortunately the sass wasn’t shot in their direction so that weren’t hit by the sass. Finally in photo three the customer comes back and shoots a little sass out of the corner of her eye and hits Halle with that sass on her ass (bonus points). So who won this “sass-off?” I would have to give it to the CVS customers this time around. Sorry Halle, better luck next time.
