More Mindless Stories on ‘sanjaya’
Apr
26
26
Sanjaya’s Mom Grows Pot. I Needed It!
It appears that Sanjayjay’s mom was busted in 2005 for growing and selling pot, or “marijuana cigarettes” as the kids like to call it. I don’t see what the big deal was. I mean, she was only busted for having 310 marijuana plants at her house. Also, Sanjayjay’s sister, Shyamali, was also arrested, but her mug shots couldn’t be made public because she was only 17 yrs old. I guess we’ll have to settle for her naked with a guitar covering her “Sanjaya’s.”
You know what I would have said! If there are 310 marijuana plants, where are the receipts? I think it was selfish that his pot growing mom didn’t share some of those plants with the American public who were forced to listen to her son “talk-sing” week after week. However, bonus points for Paula having the ability to smoke 304 of the 310 plants prior to going “on-air.”
Apr
24
24
Sanjaya’s Smile Makes Me Nervous
(Please sing the next 3 sentences to the tune of “How Much is that Doggy in the Window”)
How much is that pedophile in the window, the one with the stringy perm. How much is that diddler in the window. I do hope that diddler is registered.
Seriously? What the hell is up with Sanjaya’s spooky smile? In every picture it either looks like he’s legit doing “Sanjaya’s” in his pants or he is planning to start diddling. It’s really a toss up at this point. Sanjaya is literally where Michael Jackson is in his life right now, but at the age of like 17. I’m waiting to see pictures of Sanjaya holding his sister, Shyamali, over the balcony. At the same time I can actually see Sanjaya moon-walking on top of a limo with a black umbrella at his very own child molestation trial. Relax, relax. I’m just kidding. I don’t think he’ll use an umbrella.
These spooky photos were taken of Sanjayjay while he was getting ready to frighten Regis and Kelly (minus Regis).
Apr
11
11
Jennifer Lopez Teaches American Idol Kids To Sing. No One Feels the Irony. World Still Implodes.
Ok, so once in a while the stars really do align. One time all of the world’s elements combined to create the “perfect storm.” Well, it’s happened again. Saint Jennifer Lopez de la Bronx has appeared on American Idol in order to help “teach the kids” how to sing. Really? Dance. Sure. Sing? No thank you. I mean I’m not going to ask the devil on pointers on how to be a good Catholic, so why would someone ask J. Glow pointers on how to be a good singer? Wait a minute, is Sanjaya behind this? So here’s what went down. Please note that I am “dumber” for watching this…if that’s possible.
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J. Glow greets all of the kids while she is “rehearsing” for her concert. My favorite part is that she makes them all sit on the floor and she sits up high on a chair and looks down upon them.
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Scratch that, my favorite part is where Saint Jennifer says, “Yeah, we watch American Idol at “my” house.” She makes sure that Marc Anthony knows that it’s her house. Brilliant.
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Saint J now has to give advice to Melinda Doolittle. Really? I bet Melinda was like, yeah whatever. That’s like me giving spelling lessons. It just makes no sense.
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Speaking of Melinda, is she intentionally trying to look like Condoleeza Rice? Seriously, she’s 50. It’s like watching the grandmother from “Family Matters” trying to perform.
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Next up, Lakisha. J. Glow teaches her how to dance. Ok, at least that I believe. Yowza, then cue Lakisha singing and “moving” on stage. I think her boobs were technically doing the conga, but the rest of her was having a stroke. I’m very embarrassed at this point because she keeps grabbing her head. I instantly change the channel.
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I’m back, Chris Richardson is up. He’s wearing a scarf. Saint Jenny from the Block/Bronx takes another opportunity to remind us that she can speak Spanish by correcting everyone. Thank God she’s doing this because I forgot she was a Latina and I also forgot she is just a simple girl from the Bronx.
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Does Chris have tourettes? Just asking.
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Ok, now this makes sense. Jennifer Lopez is providing advice to Haley. I say both are equally bad singers. What? Just saying.
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Haley sings possibly the worst song ever, “Turn the Beat Around.” Luckily her shorts are shorter than normal and I instantly think she is a brilliant performer. I don’t even mind the blood pouring out of my ears.
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Phil Stacey is up. Next.
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Jordan was born in Dec of 1989. I’m officially 75 years old.
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Jordan performs “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You.” Yeah, the rhythm actually tried to get Jordan, but it missed her. She kinda just walked in circles on the stage and moved her head to the left (to the left). Actually I like to call her style of dance, “Old White Man Wedding Dancing.” However, bonus points for the few cameltoe shots thanks to her tight black pants.
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Blake decides to sing “I Need to Know” by Marc Anthony. Let me guess, he’s going to “beat box” to this song too. Yeah, we get it. Looks like I was wrong. He left the beat box at home. Why did I think his performance was retarded, yet the judges loved it? I say bring back the beat box.
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Ok, let’s face it. The only reason why anyone is even watching is “Sanjaya.”
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It’s nice to see that Sanjaya is rocking the “soaking wet perm.”
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I really was hoping that J. Glow and S. Fro would have done a duet…a good old fashioned “sing-off!”
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Sanjaya is singing something in Spanish. Scratch that. He’s “sing-talking” again. Why can’t he just sing? Why sing-talk? And why does he have a French moustache? I’m confused.
Mar
28
28
Sanjaya Literally Murdered Gwen Stefani
Ok, so I admit I haven’t been keeping up with all of the American Idol “hoopla” Yeah, I said it. Hoopla. However I couldn’t miss what Sanjaya would do. Gwen Stefani was the musical influence this week. Fast forward (thank you Tivo) to Sanjaya. Now if there was a camera on me when I saw him you would get the full effect, but here is literally what I thought as Sanjaya came out one stage: “Oh for the love of all that is good and pure in the world, what in the Christ is this?” Sure, most people thought it was a Mohawk, but not me. I immediately thought he was channeling “Red” from Fraggle Rock. Can you technically perm a Mohawk? Then….he sings.
Technically, it’s not singing. He’s talking. He’s sorta singing. He’s talk-singing. Actually he’s whining. I think I even heard a whimper at one point. Why would he sing “Bath Water” by Gwen Stefani (No Doubt)? Why would he do that? Stop talk-singing Sanjaya. Stop at once! Gwen must have been pissed. I would have washed his mouth out with soap. How is it possible that Gwen is more manly than Sanjaya? And what in the hell were those dance moves? Did he learn that at his “how to molest kids and not get caught” seminar? I mean, that’s where I learned mine. And why is he smiling so damn much? I wouldn’t smile if I were him. I’d cry the whole time. The ENTIRE time. From the moment I got on stage to when the song finally ends, I would cry. Ball my eyes out.
All I can say is that I pray to my sweet Jesus that Sanjaya stays until J. Lo joins the show. There isn’t anything I want more than for Sanjaya to either sing “Waiting for Tonight” or have a duet with J. Glow. Everyone, please pray. Now.
All I can say is that I pray to my sweet Jesus that Sanjaya stays until J. Lo joins the show. There isn’t anything I want more than for Sanjaya to either sing “Waiting for Tonight” or have a duet with J. Glow. Everyone, please pray. Now.
