Wanna see J Lo’s twins and I’m not talking about her ass cheeks! First of all, she made it clear, don’t call her J Lo. Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx and her two new kids that she shot out of her “gentlemen greeter” were on the cover of People Magazine. Check out Max and Emme in a 12-page spread as they sit there and pretty much that’s all they do because they’re 30 days old.

Hopefully Saint J Glow sings soft lullabies to them such as, “Waiting for Tonight” and “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing.” Those were always sweet songs that were sung to perfection. Sure only dogs could hear some of the notes, but that only adds to the serene nature of the voice of Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx.

Pick up this weeks People Magazine at your local drugstore this Friday right next to the multiple packages of Peeps and to the left of US Magazine that more than likely will have a picture of either Lauren Conrad or Heidi Montag on it.

Source It Up!

Rumor has it that when it was taking the kids a long time to come out, J. Glow belted out such wondrous tunes as “Waiting for Tonight” and “If You Had My Love” until the babies bolted out kicking and screaming (similar to the way I react when I hear those songs).

We don’t know these names of these two yet, but I’d like to make the recommendation that we name the girl “Richer than Rich” and we name the boy, “Set for Life.” Anyway, congratulations Saint Jennifer and Ricky Martin on the birth of your kids. Me gusta la ventana!

Who Claims This!?

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx really is just a simple girl from the Bronx who’s attending her simply Bronx-like baby shower at the Gramercy Park Hotel. Oh, her baby shower was thrown by Elaine Goldsmith-Thomas who produced J Glow in the “hit” movie “Maid in Manhattan.” Other simple people that were in attendance were Leah Remini, Roberto Cavalli, Diane Sawyer, and Lupe Lopez. Keeping with the simple theme, the entire place was decorated in blue and pink and Swarovski crystal. One drunken eye witness claimed that J Lo looked “very pretty and very pregnant.” Well let’s hope so, as J Lo is pregnant. If she wasn’t she’d basically just be having a party and stealing some gifts. Now THAT’S more Bronx-like. Just assuming.

Anyway, Saint Jennifer showed up wearing a black coat that kinda looks like those accordion folders and Marc Anthony really classed things up by apparently wearing grey Adidas running pants with black shoes, a see-through black sweater, and a coat that resembles what the crazy dude from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wore. Way to go that extra mile.

Who Said That!?

Uh, sooooooooooieeeee! Being on stage with J Glow is like being on stage with a pig. I’m just kidding. Being on stage with Lupe Lopze (her mom) is like singing with a pig. That Lupe is a real slam-pig, or so I hear when I’m riding the 6. I have no idea what any of that means. The point is is that I want to hear Mariah and Saint Jennifer singing “Waiting for Tonight” and doing futuristic dance moves. Hell, I’d settle for them both singing Bailamos and/or insert popular Spanglish song from 1998 here ___________.

At this time J Glow has yet to comment on Mariah’s statement as she is still peacing the puzzle together of what exactly Marc Anthony is.

Anyway, let me settle this between these two once and for all. Mariah, don’t dance….ever. J Lo, don’t sing….ever. Mariah and J Lo, don’t act….ever…ever….ever again. Problem solved!

Mariah, J Lo, and a Pig Walk Into a Bar

So I was walking to work yesterday morning, trying to dodge and weave against the other 212 million people who were also walking to work, when all of a sudden I was walking by Good Morning America and thought to myself, “Is that Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx yelling into a microphone?” And….it was. If only the Olsen Sluts had been there I could have crossed them off the list too. But, since clearly I’m a “the glass is half full” type of guy I decided to detour right and stand there and watch J. Glow perform. And perform she did. I never admit when I’m wrong, but I will this time I will. Saint Jenny was actually….wait for it…wait for it….wait for it….singing. She was not lip-syncing, but actually using her voice and throwing it into the microphone.

So I stood there for about 3 minutes when I realized, wait a minute..I don’t actually like J Lo music. So I turned to leave when Diane Sawyer runs on stage and says into the camera that “J Lo has shut down Times Square.” Really? Shut down? If you mean there were about 250 people standing in front of the stage then “sure” Times Square was shut down. Just what J Glow needs….more fuel to add to her ego. J Lo was jumping around so much on stage that I’m thinking if she is pregnant, she isn’t anymore. Good day.

Me and St. Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx