More Mindless Stories on ‘Saint Jennifer Lopez’

Jennifer Lopez and the Case of the “Where’d Ya Go, Camel Toe?”

It seems like just a few days ago we were ringing in the New Year with a little J Lo camel toe and now, just yesterday, we see Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx leaving the Oribe Salon in Miami, Florida with her little camel hiding/suffocating in some black spandex-like pants.  I believe the kids call them “leggings.”  Yes, leggings.

So what gives?  Why sport some CT one day and then not the other?  I thought that what you did on New Years Eve rolled over into the new year?

In other Saint Jennifer news, J Glow recently told Latina Magazine that she felt that her performance in “El Cantante” should have earned her an Oscar.  No really, she does.  The simple girl from the Bronx said, “I feel like I had that [Oscar worthy role] in ‘El Cantante‘ but I don’t think the Academy members saw it.  It’s a little bit frustrating.”  Gulp.

Personally I think the Academy members are still trying to sit through “Gigli” in its entirety and still trying to figure out what in the hell “Louboutins” means.

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Jennifer Lopez New Years Eve Camel Toe. Wait. Is That What “Auld Lang Syne” Translates To?

I mean, ringing in the New Year any other way then with Jennifer Lopez’s camel toe is, well, just plain wrong, pointless, and illegal in the city that I’m the mayor of.  Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx was kind enough to play the role of the New York terrorist and “sing” some hits on New Years Eve in Times Square to a crowd who is already suffering enough in the cold and without a bathroom.  While I typically joke about this, she actually did perform “Waiting for Tonight” and ”Let’s Get Loud“ and even her new song “Louboutins” which I believe is Spanish for, “I’m so lucky that Spanish singers were big in 1998 and that I was a Fly Girl on In Living Color or you probably wouldn’t have heard of me today.”

J Glow crawled around the stage in a bedazzled cat burglar onesie and danced her ass (almost) off and then when finished yelled to the crowd, “You didn’t think I could do that in the rain, did you?”  Personally I’m more surprised the rain didn’t make the record skip.  Either way, you know what this outfit means….

So, boys and girls, this means it’s time to play the first official cameltoe game of 2010, ““ImBringingBloggingBack Cameltoe Rating System….to the Stars!”  What a real treat this is.  As you know the rules, I can award up to 5 camels.  This time I am awarding Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx….wait for it….drum-roll….wait for it…..5 out of 5 camels!  Applause, applause, applause.  Whilst a celebrity is hardly ever awarded 5 out of 5, I felt Saint Jennifer did deserve this as she is 40 and somehow has mastered a little camel toe in the front and in the back all whilst dancing and “singing” in the rain.  Bravo, J Lo.  Here’s to more “toe” in ‘10.

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“Excuse Me Ma’am, Do You Happen to Have a Pant-Suit That Will Really Make the Camel Toe Pop?”

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx and her husband Darth Anthony spent a little time on the orange carpet at the Miami Dolphins game the other day at the Land Shark Stadium in Miami, FL.  J. Glow made sure to steam her denim jumper from the “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” video and put her best foot forward with not snickering whilst holding Darth Anthony’s hand.

In other Saint Jennifer news, if you like listening to your iPod in Times Square you’re going to love this!  J. Blow will be performing livein Times Square on “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” with Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest.  I hope she sings Bailamos.  Either way if I make it back to NYC for the ball drop I will be sure to yell from the crowd, “J Lo, did you take the 6 to get here?” as I literally do when I walk by the 6 subway.  Sadly after a few drinks it’s always my standby joke.  Note to self: Work on new material.

Sluts Wear Red….

….but not when it comes to Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx because she’s, well, just a simple girl from the Bronx.  As a sidenote, anytime I walk by an entrance to the 6 subway in NYC I always yell down the stairs, “J Lo?”  I’m cool like that.  It’s sadder because I actually do do that.  I said do do.

J Glow was doing her best “pull my finger” prank to the paparazzi (who are for some reason dressed for a snow storm even though it was 60 degrees yesterday in the city) while she was in Midtown attending some business meetings.  Some people may see that bump and assume she’s pregnant, but I’m pretty sure it’s just a pouch that she has….kinda like a kangaroo.  Basically I figure that Marc Anthony sits in the pouch while Saint Jennifer run errands.

In other J Lo news, there isn’t any.

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx and the Case of the Elvis Mullet

No me gusta el palo de las Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx.  No yo soy un lapiz.  Donde estal el cuarto de bano?  These may be all grammatically incorrect Spanish sentences you may be asking yourself when looking at this photo of J Glow as she exited a hair salon in Beverly Hills the other day.  Yes, someone actually did this to Saint Jennifer’s hair….on purpose.  I’m not quite sure how she’ll be able to sing “Waiting for Tonight” with this Elvis looking mullet on her head.  How is she supposed to terribly act in horrific movies with bushy sideburns?  Will this new hair style end the career of this simple girl from the Bronx?  So many pointless questions to answer, so little time.

While many other websites like the play the “Love it or Leave It? game, I think we should play the “Muppet or Skeeza” game with this photo.  So, folks, I ask you:  Muppet? Or Skeeza?  Let’s play the Feud!