More Mindless Stories on ‘rehab’
10
Jonathan Rhys Meyers Pulls an Opposite Britney
Jonathan Rhys Meyers (I don’t know what two of those three words mean) pulled an opposite Britney Spears by leaving rehab early and then shaving his head. Dude, if you’re trying to create some buzz about yourself you’re clearly supposed to shave your head and then enter rehab. Such an amateur mistake. Oh, and don’t forget to call yourself the anti-christ and draw “666″ on your forehead.
Anyway Jonathan Rhys Meyers was at some random restaurant in LA fresh outta rehab and drinking coke. Boring. Get back to drinking, stupid. Never quit. Never. I mean, best of luck.
Who Shot The Opposite Britney!?!
25
Rehab is the New Anorexia and the Old "Child Out of Wedlock"
21
Hide Your Umbrellas, Britney Has Been Released From Rehab! Run Britney, Run!
As I skillfully reported last night that Britney would be checking herself out of Promise of a New Day rehab it looks like that actually came true. Britney has un-cuffed herself from the radiator in her room and has left the rehab facility after playing the “get well soon” game for 30 days. No word yet if her green umbrella will be spending an additional 30 days at the facility to deal with its anger issues.
Britney’s manager, Larry Rudolph, gave the following boring statement:
“[Britney] has been released by the Promises Malibu Treatment Center after successfully completing their program.”
Wow. Interesting. If I had issued a statement it would have gone a little something like this:
“After claiming she was the anti-Christ, wreaking havoc, and declaring jihad on the Promises Malibu Treatment Center, Britney Spears has checked out of the facility to claim she is the anti-Christ, wreak havoc, and declare jihad on the following cities: Malibu, Hollywood, and Los Angeles. Please continue to follow her with cameras over the next few weeks as pictures of her taking her first drink could potentially pay for your new home. Good day.”
Who Said That!?!
20
Britney’s Cured & Ready to Leave Rehab
Random drunken sources are claiming that she and KFed had an “amazing meeting” on Sunday and are figuring out who will have custody of their two kids (What’s His Face, and, The Other One). I guess the plan will be a 50/50 split for now, but later on Britney will take full custody while KFed will have visitation rights.
16
Britney Plays Tennis; Rehab a Blast!
Seriously, Promise of a New Day rehab seems like a blast. Next time I head out to LA I’m totally going to stay there. They have a huge pool, tennis court, and Britney Spears basically lives there. Toss in a few “Hollywood Walk of Fame” stars on the ground and a couple of mini Oscar award replicas and you’ve got yourself a real tourist trap. I love it.
Rumors are also flying that Britney will be checking out of rehab early to attend her ex-husbands birthday party in LA. I hope she stays a little while longer because I’m looking forward to seeing more pictures of Promises rehab. I want to know all about what my stay will be like.
