Celebrity Rehab 3 With Dr. Drew and his oddly gray hair that hasn’t grown a half-centimeter in three seasons is back on Video Hits One, or VH1 as “the kids” call it, Thursday, January 7th at 10pm. Am I excited? Sure. I heart Intervention on A&E and so seeing some of my favorite fauxlebrities from years-of-past yelling at each other during withdrawals is always quite the crowd please for me and my refrigerator of beers.
I do have to admit, however, that the thought of having to watch Mackenzie Phillips continue her “I Had Sex With My Father” tour is not overly an interest of mine. But still, after watching the preview clip (see below) it seems that most of the “patient” fights are taking place between themselves and the camera and/or camera-man. And at one point, no joke, Heidi Fleiss is yelling “f*ck them” to the camera as she’s standing on the street with a multicolored parrot sitting on her elbow. So, uh, any chance there can be a whole crapisode of just that because, if so, I’m increasing my regular alcohol intake so that I can hit “tilt” on my “Squeal-With-Delight-o-Meter.”
I also look forward to reading what Dennis Rodman has to say as television shows typically have to add subtitles when he speaks and, well, that’s how I get my book learnin’ in for the day. I also predict a Joey Kovar and Lisa D’Amato showmance with a side of Tom Seizmore and Mike Starr constant crazy.
Rumor (Willis) has it that Britney Spears has checked her arse back into rehab, according to X17Online.com. I hope this isn’t true, as a sober and cleaned up Britney is a boring and uninteresting Britney. If this is true, I hope that she goes to Promises Rehab, as that place seems like a real blast. I mean they have tennis, volleyball, shuffleboard, and is rumored to also have weekly Bingo. Awesome!
Britney was recently charged with a little “hit and run” and driving without a license. Luckily there is no law that is currently in place that says you can’t drive without underpants. Pheeew! That was a close one for Britney. If found guilty, Britney could face up to 1-year in jail (6-months for each charge), but I’m sure she’ll just have to pa a fine. I mean, Lindsay Lohan basically killed someone, Nicole Richie drove up the wrong side of the freeway while on drugs, and Paris Hilton drove without her license about 15 times. These three whores served a total of about 45 minutes in jail. I’m sure Britney will be fine. On a sad note, Britney doesn’t have much else to shave. Maybe she’ll pull out her front tooth. Ohhhh I hope it’s that.
UPDATE: Britney, thankfully, is NOT in rehab as X17 originally thought. Pheeew! Back to drinking and flashing your “gentlemen greeter.” God bless!
Did anyone witness that dog actually walking? My money is on that it’s a stuffed dog that has about $50,000 worth of coke shoved inside of it and Lindsay will simply drag that dog back to Camp Rehab. Anyway, Lindsay continues her nation-wide victory tour of rehab facilities and goes for a hike. As a side note, “no” those are not white socks she’s wearing, those are her legs. Apparently spending the day in the sun yesterday “rafting” repels any form of a tan on Lindsay No Pants.
I was jealous when Lindsay No Pants was at Promises Rehab because that place just looked awesome. Even when Lindsay was at Wonderland Rehab I was jealous because it seemed like a really nice hotel and I could certainly use some rest and relaxation. Once again I am very jealous of the rehab that Lindsay is attending in Utah. This place must be so cool! I mean, you get to go white-water rafting!? Are you kidding? I would need to figure out if that was included in my rehab price or if I would have to purchase it separately, but I’d totally want to do that. Lindsay is so lucky to be a booze-hound and a crack-whore because she gets to have to much fun at rehab. I hope Lindsay remembers to put on some extra SPF while out on the water all day. I don’t want to see her freckle in the sun.
According to my close friends at TMZ.com (they don’t know me) have some of the first pictures of Lindsay No Pants in sunny Utah and just taking a short break from rehab. I know that if I were to take a break from rehab (which I would never do…I mean even beginning attending rehab) my very first stop would be to get my tan on! Allegedly Lindsay went in for a quick spray tan and then headed back to rehab. I think it’s important to be as tanned as can be when your body is shaking from the lack of alcohol and drugs. Plus, Lindsay needs to look extra purdy when she heads off to prison. Just a guess.