More Mindless Stories on ‘real housewives’

Real Housewives of New York City: Trainwreck Edition is About to Begin

Pistol whip your TIVO because the Real Housewives of New York City: Trainwreck Edition is about to start the hell up.  The whole crazy-train gang attended the Season 2 Premiere Party at the Palace Hotel yesterday in New York City.  I’m surprised they didn’t hold the premiere party at Simon and Alex’s crack-house in Brooklyn (I’m sure they could have asked Mrs. Rossini to clean the apartment and make some raviolli).

I love how no matter what picture is taken of her, Ramona always looks like a police officer is shining a flashlight in her face and giving her a drug test.  Equally as amusing is Simon and Alex.  They’re not particularly doing anything comical, but just looking at them is entertainment enough.

This season we are introduced to Kelly Killoren, who the rest of these skanky-skankersons dislike.  They should have thrown Nene into the mix just for good measure and, perhaps, Kim’s wig.  Maybe they could have had Nene wear Kim’s wig and play a different character.  Why am I not writing for this show?

Luann de Lesseps Alert! Er, I Mean Cuntess de Lesseps. Pardon My Ignorance.

Oh snap! You better be on your best behavior and put on your classy-pants because Countess Luann de Lesseps (the best one out of all the Lesseps) was on the red carpet at the JCPenney “Style Your Spring” event in New York City last night.  So, uh, JCPenney?  Oh yeah?  I always assumed Luann was a little more regal than “The Penney.”  Isn’t that almost like going to a Walgreens red carpet event?

Who else is a big loser-tool-bag like me and is kinda pumped about the new season of The Real Housewives of New York City that’s starting up next week?  From the commercials it looks like everyone hates each other and fights the whole time.  Sweet.  Looks like they took a cue from the success of the Real HOusewives of Atlanta.  Who knows, maybe Bethany will find herself a fab-uh-lous ath-uh-lete?

Deshawn Snow Peaces Out of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Time to Downsize.

Drunk Gretchen from Real Housewives of the OC Makes Me Want to Actually Watch The Real Housewives of the OC. Score!

Like many of you, IBBB reader and friend – Debil Dog, has asked me numerous times to watch The Real Housewives of Orange County. She was adiment about me watching last nights episode so I Tivo’d Nip/Tuck and tuned in for the drunken debacle that was RHoOC.

First off, watching Tamra go to etiquette class is like watching Britney Spears trying hard not to say “y’all.” She’ll never quite get there. After completing her class, Tamra decided to throw a fancy dinner with some random chef for the whole cast. This consisted of food and a ton of alcohol. Sadly, I was without alcohol so I could barely make it through this crapisode. That was until Gretchen started to get shit-tanked.

Look, Gretchen is hot. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. I just wish she looked more like she was 30 and not so much like 40 and like one of “Barker’s Babes” from “The Prices is Right.” Let’s take a journy out of the 90’s and head on in to 2009.

With all that said, Gretchen totally made this episode. She got drunk. And when I say “drunk” I really mean “one tequila shot away from getting her stomach pumped.” I love when reality show people get real drunk and not faux-drunk. Gretchen was slurring her words, grabbing her boobs, lifting up her dress, and flirting with Tamra’s creeptastic son, Ryan, who looks like he’s ready to become a professional diddler. My favorite part, of course, was when Gretchen started to yell out “Tamraaaaaaaaaaa TamRaaaaaaaaa.” Pure brilliance. You know the part.

I was a little disappointed at how extra d-baggy Tamra and Vicki were for making sure Gretchen hit the “4th sheet to the wind.” She was fun at 3-sheets, but got a little sloppy at 4-sheets. I figured it was just because Tamra is white-trash, so getting other people hammered is like an Olympic event for her and Vicki is dead inside, so this helped bring her back to life.

The episode ended with Gretchen (who’s engaged to some dude who is in the hospital with cancer) leaving the main party and heading into the bathroom with Tamra’s son. At first you can hear Gretchen telling Ryan that he can’t kiss her or hug her because she’s “with a great guy” already, but then she says that “he’s really turning her on.” Then they cut to …..”to be continued.” Damn it all to hell, now I’m going to need to watch next week. Either way, Gretchen’s hot. Sometimes hotness makes you cheat on people. Sometimes those people are dying in the hospital. Sometimes that happens. And “Ryan” is going to look like even more of a tool if this did happen because he tried to hook up with a drunk chick (which is normally fine) whose fiance is dying in the hospital. Way to go, dude.

Oh, by the way Lynne and her husband were there, but no one seemed to care.

What did you craptastic readers think of this crapisode? Do you think Gretchen went down for a little sucky sucky or do you think it’s just crafty editing?

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Oprah Tries to Fix the Real Housewives of Orange County

Put a cork in your spray tan gun because Oprah’s giving away makeoverrrrrrrrs! Everybody gets a makeover. You get a makeover and you get a makeover and you get a makeover and you get a makeover. Everybody gets a makeooovvvverrrrrrr! Ok I’m done.

Blessed Mother Oprah Winfrey decided that the chicks from Real Housewives of Orange County not only needed a complete makeover, but they also needed to be hosed off and left to dry hanging on a clothesline. The crew from Oprahland chiseled off six layers of makeup, placed their racks in the witness protection program, and taught the women that there are other hair color options besides “white.” Betty White, that is.

I think the makeovers make them all look 15 years older, although it was nice to get them out of the mid 90’s. Jeana (last photo) looks good and thin too! I wonder if they used that camera that Paula Abdul used in her “Promise of a New Day” video?

P.S –> Tamra looks like Elise Keaton from “Family Ties.”

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