More Mindless Stories on ‘real housewives of new york city’
12
So Does Ramona Make Money Every Time She Says, “Renewal?”
What is it about Ramona that makes me want to watch her on a constant loop? Ramona Singer and Alex McCord from Real Housewives of New York City stopped by Good Day NY (which may be the worst show on television next to Good Day LA) to talk about what’s been going on so far this season. Similar to my inability to watch “True Life: I Have Tourette’s” or “True Life: I Have OCD” as I believe I can catch those diseases through my TV simply by watching it, I notice my eyes start bugging out and twitching and I constantly change my seating position anytime I watch Ramona. I’m totally catching whatever the hell it is that she’s got.
02
Ramona Breaks News That Alex Isn’t Rich. In Other News, the Terrorists are Trying to Kill Us.
In keeping with Real Housewives “news”, Ramon Singer (the housewife I would most like to knock over a 7-11 with) catwalked her way onto the Wendy Williams Show which, sadly after Oprah and Tyra leave, is the future of daytime television (cue world implosion), to talk about the new season of Rel Housewives and how everyone basically hates each other. However, my favorite part is at the end where she let’s the scripted cat out of the scripted bag that Alex would be voted most likely to be pretend to be rich, but actually not have any money. Well, I said that, but Ramona confirms it.
I love how when asked questions Ramona looks like she’s having seizures all over the couch. And why the hell does she never finish one sentence before starting the next sentence? It’s like she has slurred tourettes! I still love her though, as I typically do love me some crazy.
26
Real Housewives of New York New Cast? If Ramona Gets Replaced, I Quit Life.
Blah. Even these photos look like they suck. The Real Housewives of New York attended their premiere party the other night at Tenjune in NYC. Fitting. So here’s the breakdown. We have Bethenny Frankel (the Stewie Griffin of the group), along with Ramona Singer, Ramona’s eyes, Alex McCord, Alex’s flapjack boobs, and a couple of newbies. One new cast member is Sonja Moran and the other is Jennifer Gilbert. I don’t know which is which and, honestly, I couldn’t give to sh*ts. All I know is that one looks like Marlee Matlin (and makes me already wish I was deaf) and the other one looks like if Lynne and Alexis from Real Housewives of Orange County merged into one skanked out trash-heap.
Not pictured is Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimon, and LuAnn de Lesyphilis. However, Jill Zarin is talking about the 3rd season of Real Housewives and has said, “This season is like Opposite Day from last season. This season is ‘Bizarro Housewives.’ Bethenny and I were best friends, and now we’re not. Kelly and I weren’t friends, and now we are, and as you’ll see, there will be more ‘opposites.’ “
Thanks for explaining what “opposites” are, Jill. I know you think that the audience who actually watches this show wouldn’t know, but guess what? We almost do.
12
Real Housewives of New York City Preview: Ramona Dancing, Ramona Walking the Runway. Enough Said.
Every time I see a commercial on Bravo telling me it’s going to be an “explosive season” I never really believe it….until now. The Real Housewives of New York City starts up their new season on March 4th and I’m pretty sure they all hate each other. I’m also pretty sure that each housewife is trying to sell out an in a new an innovative way and, well, I guess technically I can’t hate on them for that. Did I just say “hate on them?” I’m the worst. Moving on. LuAnn tries her hand at singing and will most likely give Kim Zolciak a run for her court-ordered money. Bethany continues her Skinny Girl tour whilst also someone promoting her spinoff show. My favorite, Ramona, is seen dancing in multiple scenes, which pretty much makes the entire show….that is until I see the scene of Ramona walking the runway during a fashion show and staring us all down all whilst trying to keep her balance. I’d like to watch that on a constant loop if at all possible. Check out the preview clip for the upcoming season and let me know what you think. Or don’t. It’s fine. We’re on a break anyway.
12
No I Didn’t Draw This: Kelly Bensimon on the Cover of Playboy (Animated Edition?)
You know how I sometimes (aka “all the time”) photoshop pictures of Heidi Montag’s new head onto random objects like mannequins, beavers, and the like? Well, it looks like the folks over at Playboy basically did the same thing, but this time they tapped into the experts over at Hanna Barbera to help with the face of Kelly Bensimon.
The 2nd most allegedly medicated schizophrenic on Real Housewives of New York City did anything but get into good shape for her Playboy spread (giggity). Kelly told Us Magazine, “I literally drank beer — Corona — and ate chicken wings for two weeks!” Wow. Because nothing says “hot sex” quite like a beer belly spread eagle pose. Staaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhp Kelly, staaaaaaahp!
13
Bethenny Staaaaaahhhhp! Staaaaahhhhhp Bethenny, Staaaaaahhhhppp!
Real Housewives of New York City cast member, Bethenny Frankel, was promoting her pregnant ass off for her new book “The Skinnygirl Dish” at Barnes and Noble in Fort Lauderdale yesterday. B. Frank was also signing bottles of her very own Skinnygirl Margarita for anyone and everyone who would take it. If you listen very quietly you can almost hear Kelly Bensimon hoarsely yelling, “Staaaahhhp Bethany, staaaahhhpp!”
B. Frank is gearing up to shoot a baby out from her body, the new season of Real Housewives, and her upcoming spinoff reality show on Bravo currently titled, “Bethenny Getting Married?“ This chick is b-u-s-y! If she doesn’t take a minute to catch her breath she’ll end up giving birth in her toilet and being a guest on my other favorite TV show, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.”
17
Starting Your Day Any Other Way Than Seeing Jill Zarin Wearing a Hair Net is Just Pointless
Anyone remember the female mouse from Cinderella who helped her sew a new dress for the ball? Well if they ever make a real life Cinderella movie (not Whitney Houston and Brandy related) and need to cast that mouse and they don’t choose Jill Zarin from the Real Housewives of New York City I’m going to be pissed. I’ll probably march on Capitol Hill in protest, but I’ll work out all the details at a later date. In the meantime, Houseknives, Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimmon (staaahp, staaaahp, staaaaaaph) strapped on some hair nets that they probably ganked from their maids and helped serve dinner to those in need (Simon and Alex) at the Food Bank for NYC Community Kitchen of West Harlem yesterday.
Why do I have a feeling that the only time that Jill Zarin steps foot in West Harlem is when she’s digging in the dumpsters for hired, yet illegal, help. And before I get the standard hate mail that says, “And what do you do to help people, you loser!” let me just say that I do help people. I help thousands of people per day who are stuck in cubicles at jobs they hate take their mind off their work and become less productive which, in turn, makes the companies that they work at think they need to hire more people since their current employees are hardly working. So to sum up, what do I do to help people? I create jobs all throughout the United States. You’re welcome.
16
Bethenny Frankel Peta Ad: “I’d Rather Be Photoshopped Than Wear Fur”
Now I hate to speak ill of anyone in the Real Housewives of New York as I have daydreams of playing drinking games with them and plotting how to jump the Real Housewives of New Jersey, but what in the jihad hell kind of photoshopping is that? It looks like my level of photoshopping which consists of removing everything from the neck down and then just copying and pasting the face onto another body. I do, however, like how Bethenny Frankel is pointing to her ass so that we know just exactly where it’s supposed to be. It’s like an anatomy lesson, if you will.
Anycrap, Bethenny is pleased to show off her Peta Ad that consists of a 24 foot billboard in Times Square. In other Real Housewives news, it’s being reported that LuAnn de Lesseps’ gap-toothed smile will be plastered across the Saint Louis Gateway Arch. Well, it’s not so much being reported as it is me just making that part up. Ok. That will be all. Good day.
12
Real Housewives of New York City: Trainwreck Edition is About to Begin
Pistol whip your TIVO because the Real Housewives of New York City: Trainwreck Edition is about to start the hell up. The whole crazy-train gang attended the Season 2 Premiere Party at the Palace Hotel yesterday in New York City. I’m surprised they didn’t hold the premiere party at Simon and Alex’s crack-house in Brooklyn (I’m sure they could have asked Mrs. Rossini to clean the apartment and make some raviolli).
I love how no matter what picture is taken of her, Ramona always looks like a police officer is shining a flashlight in her face and giving her a drug test. Equally as amusing is Simon and Alex. They’re not particularly doing anything comical, but just looking at them is entertainment enough.
This season we are introduced to Kelly Killoren, who the rest of these skanky-skankersons dislike. They should have thrown Nene into the mix just for good measure and, perhaps, Kim’s wig. Maybe they could have had Nene wear Kim’s wig and play a different character. Why am I not writing for this show?
07
The Real Housewives of New York City: The Band is Back Together!
The New York premiere of “Bride Wars” really brought out all the A-listers the other night. There were many celebrities there, but that’s pretty boring. The Real Housewives of New York City also stopped by the blue carpet and it made me long for them. Of course crazy ass LuAnn Delesepps was there (minus her alleged coke and whoring), as was creepy Simon, his fire faced beard and Alex McCord who seemed to have dyed her hair to match the drapes of everyone in the family. Finally, the house favorite, Ramona Singer, had a little alone time on the carpet whilst her fellow castmates tried their best not to laugh directly at her.
