More Mindless Stories on ‘prison’
Don’t drop the soap, boys, because Khloe Kardashian is heading to the slammer and she’ll surely assault you with her penis. She’s been tucking it in between her legs for years. Surprise!
Khloetard has been sentenced to 3 full days in LA County jail for violating her probation after her DUI arrest. She was supposed to fulfill her community service which included roadside cleanup and enrolling in alcohol education class. Wait, she didn’t do her roadside cleanup? Isn’t that her job anyway? I mean, besides her full time job of being a horrible, horrible person. Just horrible.
In even more shocking news, Khloe has a rep. Her rep has told People that “Khloe is ready and willing to serve her sentence, no matter how long and where, and have this resolved.”
Yeah, it’s not so much as she’s willing and ready as she is forced, by law, to do this. No one says they’re willing to go to jail. You’re told to go. Is it bad that I’m kinda wishing that someone takes a pillowcase filled with soda cans to Khloe’s face? Screw you and what you think about it. I’m adding it to my letter to Santa.
Source It Up!
Happy Friday and welcome back to everyone’s favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Paris Hilton going to the slammer this time last year…
Well it’s official. Paris Hilton is officially fighting off bitches in prison. Paris, her mom, and her lifeless sister, Nicky, got together and took Paris to jail to turn herself in and start her 23 day sentence. This comes just hours after Paris was at the MTV Movie Awards, which by the way besides the opening with Sara Silverman was horrible. I think Paris sitting through that entire award show was punishment enough. Halfway through I was thinking, why do I care who wins these categories? What do these categories even mean? My God, I’m 65 years old. Anyway, back to Paris. Paris was interviewed during the pre-show by SuChin Pak, awkwardly, and Paris talked about being scared to go to the slammer, but was ready to do her time and wants others to look at her situation and make better decisions in their lives. That’s hot.
Enjoy prison Paris. Become a woman or perhaps even a mother while you’re there. We’ll miss you these next 22 remaining days and look forward to seeing your wonky eye back on television and your bad acting back on the silver screen soon.
Wesley Snipes is about to pull an accelerated Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton prison sentence, it’s been announced. Snipes was found guilty of doing “tax tricks” with the US government and was therefore sentenced to 3-years in the clank. Yowza! Who knew filing your taxes was a requirement. I better get on that STAT.
Snipes addressed the court and stated, “I’m very sorry for my mistakes and errors. I apologize to my family, the court and the community. I’ve asked the court to show me mercy and the opportunity to make things right.”
Yeah, well the court didn’t show too much mercy. Looks like Wesley is going to be slow dancing with a couple of inmates shortly. He didn’t, however, have to report directly to jail, but will be allowed to do so at a later date. How ’bout 2095?
I’ll never understand why celebrities do this risky crap? You are rich, very rich. I would never break any law and risk ever not being able to spend my millions.
Source It Up!
Lindsay who? Fine, so I’m reporting this about 12 hours after everyone else but it’s still worth mentioning that Mischa Barton, star of ???, has been arrested for driving under the influence, possession of a narcotics (narc alert!), driving with a suspended license, and for being a complete bore (ok I made that last one up). As a sidenote, what technically is a “Mischa?” Stupid. Hopefully she’ll get charged with a retarded name too. Mischa was using her car as a missile and declaring jihad on West Hollywood around 2:45 AM when she was driving in about 15 different lanes. Mischa was being held on $10,000 bail.
My thoughts? Yay! She’s paving the way for more celebrities
facing jail-time. With Lindsay on the straight and narrow (and boring) and Britney just up to her typical tricks I was really hoping that someone would be spending some time in the slammer. Thanks Mischa.
Also, that’s a great mugshot. Again, is the camera man hanging by a rope from the ceiling? As more on this story develops I’ll be sure not to report on anything as I am already bored with this story.
Jail is he new rehab and I think that’s great! Just the other day it was stated that Keifer Sutherland will be spending about 48 days in jail for his latest and greatest DUI and now it appears that the soft spoken Michelle Rodriguez will be spending 6 beautiful months in prison for violating her probation. She didn’t do her dumb community service and she was caught drinking 3-times while wearing her alcohol monitoring bracelet.
Rodriguez must report to the slammer by December 24th. Ho-ho-ho! Not only will Santa not be able to find her, but she’ll miss Jesus’ birthday too. What a real let down. She won’t be home for Christmas, you can’t count on her.
I think Michelle Rodriguez is going to perform miraculously in the slammer. I predict she will come out with multiple tattoos, girlfriends, and possibly an STD or two. You know she’s going to spend the majority of her time in the shower. Bom-chica-bom-bom.
Jail is the new rehab and the old bulimia!