More Mindless Stories on ‘poshtoria’
Ok fine, so I really just needed an excuse to say “Poshtoria Spiceham,” but I realized that I hadn’t referenced her in a while so it’s a win-win.
Poshtoria Spiceham put on her best stone-washed-jeans dress and DJ Tanner headband and headed out to the Allure Magazine Cover Party for her “friend” Eva Longoria at Beso restaurant in Los Angeles, CA. “Los Angeles” is Spanish for “The Angels.” Thanks Dora!
Poshtoria Spiceham’s boobs look like two midget Daddy Warbucks stuffed into her dress. Just an observation. Feel free to make your own.
I have nothing else to say.
Happy Friday and welcome back to everyone’s favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Poshtoria Spice and Queen Latifah…this time last year…
What a fun celebrity world it must be. Poshtoria and David Beckham were doing a little shopping (because clearly they don’t already have enough stuff) at the high-end “H Lorenzo” in West Hollywood when they ran into Queen Latifah. Poshtoria and Queen Latifah semi-awkwardly embraced. I seriously think that Poshtoria thought she could “catch fat” from Queen Latifah if she hugged her too tight. I mean, there was a study that just came out that said that obesity could be contagious. Maybe she heard about that? Perhaps she thought Latifah would break her in two. I think a firm hand-shake and a “ta” would have been enough for the British. Oh well, I continue to learn each and every day.
Poor Poshtoria. And by poor, I actually mean “rich.” Poshtoria is still wreaking havoc on her Elle Magazine photoshoot. She will do anything the get that cover, which includes scaring the holy-hell out of small children (and adult bloggers with a childs mentality). Now I know I’m still new to all this crap, but is this what they consider to be “high fashion?” If so, high fashion is stupid and I hate it. I never want to see high fashion again. As a side note, I’ve never used the word “high fashion” so many times before.
In other Poshtoria and/or Spice Skanks news, the famed “musical” group has leased out a Boeing 757 and have officially called it Spice Force One. Those tricky/creative little Spice Skanks! I think they should have called it: “Bulemia 757: Spices Give Me the Shits.” Now that has a ring to it!
Who Shot That Skank!?
What a fun celebrity world is must be. Poshtoria and David Beckham were doing a little shopping (because clearly they don’t already have enough stuff) at the high-end “H Lorenzo” in West Hollywood when they ran into Queen Latifah.
Poshtoria and Queen Latifah semi-awkwardly embraced. I seriously think that Poshtoria thought she could “catch fat” from Queen Latifah if she hugged her too tight. I mean, there was a study that just came out that said that obesity could be contagious. Maybe she heard about that? Perhaps she thought Latifah would break her in two. I think a firm hand-shake and a “ta” would have been enough for the British. Oh well, I continue to learn each and every day.
Who Shot That!?!
So I’ve been reading a lot of books lately. I know, it goes against everything I believe in. So, in order to dumb-me-down again I checked out the Victoria Beckham reality show. Will my head explode? Will the horrific British accent kill me? Will I make it through the whole episode? Let’s see how this went down:
Instantly I am disappointed that there aren’t subtitles. I am having a hard time following along to the British accent. If they can provide subtitles to Ozzy they sure as hell can provide it to Poshtoria.
So some girl shows up to try to be Poshtoria’s assistant. As a “try out” she gets to hang out with her for a few days to see how it goes. I want to be the personal assistant of a celebrity…or a reality show star…or a fauxlebrity….or a celebrity impersonator. I don’t even need to get paid. I can make money by selling crack on the streets in my spear time to children in a school playground. I really want to be one now. Where do I sign up? Crap I missed some of the episode by thinking about this new plan I have to be a celebrity assistant.
Crap. Poshtoria has a “Paris Hilton That’s Hot” saying. Hers is “that’s major.” See what she did there? She replaced the word “hot” with “major.” I hate myself a little more at this point.
Victoria then meets up with Perez Hilton. He needs no more press. Moving on…
Next up, she gets her license, goes to the house of some crazy-rich-elderly-drunken neighbors, goes house hunting, and practices for earthquakes. Oh, and she goes shopping. I’m pretty sure all of this happens within one day.
I pause for a minute to try and remember why she has her own television show. Oh yeah, she’s moving to LA. When I moved to NYC my sister took a couple of pictures of me. Basically, I can totally relate.
Moving on Poshtoria and crew try to fool the paparazzi by buying a blowup doll and making it look like Poshtoria and then driving it around town. I was just about to make a blowup doll joke, but Poshtoria beat me to it. This sucks.
Next – she throws out the first pitch at the Dodgers game. That was dumb, but the best part was Tommy Lasorda having no clue who she was and what appeared to be him having a stroke. Brilliant.
Welcome to “the America” Poshtoria. Terrorists….get her!