More Mindless Stories on ‘pete wentz’
Ashlee Simpson and her husband, whom she had to marry after getting knocked up, Pete Wentz, welcomed a 7 lb, 11 oz baby boy named Bronx Mowgli Wentz or “BMW” for douche/short.
Bronx? Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx is going to be bullsh*t! How dare someone else try to force you to think of them instead of J Glow when you hear the word “Bronx.” Heads will roll. Or chins will roll. Either way, something will be rolling.
It has been rumored that whilst in the hospital Ashlee pretended to be screaming during child birth, but it was really another woman in the background doing the screaming. Once that lady stopped screaming, Ashlee got embarrassed and just began a ho-down right in the middle of the labor and delivery room and then walked out.
In news that I thought was confirmed 4 weeks ago, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have announced on Pete’s website, friendsorenemies.com, that they are in fact “with child.” Just when Ashlee thought she’d never have to see her old nose or chin again, looks like she’ll be giving birth to it around December 2008.
Here’s what the shotgun couple had to say:
“While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family.”
While Pete certainly wreaks of day-old douche, I guess they’re right for waiting for the first trimester to pass before making it public. This got me to thinking. I think I’m going to follow a random person on the street that has a little bit of a stomach and shout at her “I think you’re pregnant.” Then I’m going to take pictures of her every day and put them on IBBB with arrows that say “baby bump?” I wonder if it’s just as fun when it’s not a celebrity. Stay tuned.
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Ashlee Simpson and her fiance Pete Wentz are finally married. These two “entertainers” tied the knot in the backyard of Ashlee’s parents casa in Encino, CA. Joe Simpson, Ashlee’s creepy dad, officiated the wedding ceremony and probably deep-throated his daughter when Pete was supposed to kiss the bride. Oh, and as a predictable sidenote, Ashlee is 4-months pregnant. Shock. Oh, and she had a nose job. Oh, and she had her chin done. Oh, and Milli Vanilli didn’t really sing. Oh, and Magic Johnson has AIDS. Oh, and Dolly Parton’s boobs aren’t real. Oh, and wrestling isn’t real. Oh, and The Hills
isn’t reality. Oh, Jack didn’t really trade his cow for some magic beans that grew a magic beanstock. Nicole Richie attended this ceremony and wore a purple dress. Seriously I hate these two, I hate this story, and I hate the fact that Nicole Richie was described being there “wearing a purple dress.” Who gives an F?
The new nose and chin shaving must have really done the trick because last night Ashlee Simpson announced that she is, in fact, engaged to Pete Wentz. Can someone check on Jessica because I’m pretty sure she is on suicide watch now and strapped to the bed…and not in the good way.
Ashlee and Pete released a joint statement:
“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us.”
You hear that? Ashlee and Pete think I’m the best. That was nice of them to say. It’s nice that they consider this such a “very private matter” that they told everyone “on the Internet.” Yeah no one reads that wild and crazy “Internet.” It’s just a flash in the pan.
Crazy ass Joe Simpson told People Magazine that he is “totally happy” and “so excited to have Pete part of our family.” I’d assume he’d continue on by saying “now I can finally start sharing Pete’s clothes and dressing younger and now I can FINALLY talk to Pete about what it’s like having sex with my daughter and not seem weird.”