Reason # 6,671,993 why other countries hate us. Paris Hilton, dressed in a blue dress with white stars all over it (trust me the missing red color was under her dress….trust me) showed up to spend a little time with David Letterman because, at the end of the day, Paris Hilton has the right to promote the crap she works on because we live in a country that allows her to do so. What are some of those countries who don’t allow stuff like this? You know, the ones where one person dictates everything that goes on? We should try that out for a bit and see if we can rid ourselves of anything Hilton related.

Happy Skankerween! A walking STD never looked so spookstacular! Paris Hilton has the most creative Halloween costume. Ahoy, whories! The SS Hilton is sure to go down at every house she stops by this Halloween season. Being on her knees bobbing for apples has never come in handy more than for this time of year. I mean, how she stuffed her little boy boobs into that anchor bra is a treat in itself. It’s the great whore-bag, Charlie Brown! Ok, I am 100% out of bad Halloween jokes.

Happy Friday and welcome back to everyone’s favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Paris Hilton and her mini whore…this time last year…

I don’t know how I missed this last week, but Paris Hilton was at the debut of her own denim and sportswear crap she made at Kitson in Beverly Hills. Now I’m not sure if this is the little girl from another country who actually made the clothes for about 13 cents an hour and is handcuffed to her sowing machine…or if she’s just a fan of Paris. Regardless, I think it’s great that her parents allowed her to dress like a whore at such a young age. She has the Paris Hilton look down to a science, although she isn’t quite as orange as one would like. Someone call DSS.

This Clip is in Quicktime. If You Don’t Have Quicktime, Too Bad.

You really find Jesus at a time like this. Folks, we almost lost our national treasure (besides Heidi Montard) as Paris Hilton was leaving the Kate Somerville Skin Care Experts Salon in LA yesterday and almost fell down a flight of stairs. She must have had a guardian angel on her bony shoulder because she maintained her balance after she only slid down a few steps. Reminiscent of when Whitney Port (from The Hills) slid down the stairs on live television during a Good Morning America segment, Paris remained composed at all times and continued on with her pointless life.

Once Paris completed her near death experience she tried to get into her Bentley, but was unable to open the door. Opening doors is tough. Her boyfriend, Benji Madden, tried to help her, but was unable to and random black SUV picked them up. Note to self: There is an abandon Bentley in front of the Kate Somerville salon.

Thank you, my baby Jesus, for protecting Paris Hilton. I don’t know what I would write about if your took her to heaven and by “took her to heaven” I actually mean “deservedly sent her to hell.” I’ll see her there.