More Mindless Stories on ‘paris hilton’

Paris Hilton Drunk = Useful Paris Hilton

Ah now here’s the Paris Hilton that really makes a difference in the world.  The sluttastic whorefaced drunken skankenheimer (allegedly) was celebrating the weekend in Brazil and doing a little liquor promotion when she apparently got bit my the “drunk bug.”  Odd.  I’ve never pictured Paris acting out of control.  She kinda looks like the outcome if a Fraggle raped an ostrich who was the long lost child of a dolphin.  Seriously Paris, you’re 29.  Get your sh*t together.

Personally I’m having a hard time figuring out what my favorite parts are.  Is it her visible black thong?  Her size 23 foot?  Her man hands?  The wonk eye?  Or the fact that no matter what picture of her I see I always think she looks like Martha Stewart but, like, the syphilicious version.

Source It Up!

Hey Everyone! Paris Hilton Built a Website!

The Audrey Hepburn of our generation, Paris Hilton was all wonky eyes and Twister-like poses on the red carpet at the Vanity Nightclub at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas over the weekend promoting the launch of her new website ParisHilton.com.  Before I even go to it I’ll assume it’s all pink with diamond sparkles all over it and she’ll leave messages on it that say things like, “Hey betch, it’s Parissssss.  Thx 4 comin’ to my site, betch, and look at my chihuahua betches.  That’s hot.  I’m huge.  Thx betch!”  Seriously why wasn’t she in Haiti last week?  Too soon?

After, sadly, checking out her website I was pretty accurate.  It it a nauseating pink with king crowns and fancy writing.  You can check out pictures of Paris, her videos, her “blog,” and even buy things like her bedding collection, hair accessories, swimwear, sunglasses, and more.  Buy anything and you’re likely to burn in hell.  Thx betch!

Paris Hilton Heads to Social Studies at Immaculate Conception Grammar School

I must start this off, of course, by tossing in the photo of Paris slutting by the sign that said “Public Parking” and pointed right at her “gentlemen greeter.”  Jesus Claus totally has a brilliant sense of humor.

I remember when I was in Catholic grammar school the nuns used to spend the majority of their days teaching us that the girls in public schools were sluts, which was always odd since the catholic school girls that went to my school always seemed to have their skirts hiked up to their “Virgin Mary’s” if ya know what I mean.  I’m talking about their vaginasteins.  Was that not clear?

Anyvaltrex, Paris Hilton decided to skank it up a few notches while she was on Robertson Boulevard in sunny LA over the weekend.  You know she was on her way to Kitson so she could blow the owners and the paparazzi in front of The Ivy all at the same time.  She’s efficient like that.

Let’s Be Lifelong Facebook Friends!

Ugh. Like Sylvester Getting Full Custody of Tweety.

Someone get PETA on the horn because Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, DouK Reinhardt, purchased a couple of parrots whilst at a pet store in Hollywood, CA.  Terrible.  Why do I have a feeling all you’re going to here out of these two birds is, “Heyyyy betch.  Cawww.  You look good betch.  Cawwww.  Sure I’ll take it in the back door, betch.  Cawwww.”  I wonder what Paris’ bird will say?

Paris Hilton Still Thinks This Look is Cool, Even at Age 27