More Mindless Stories on ‘myspace’
Me gusta Myspace! You may remember we had some fun with Lindsay Lohan’s Myspace blog
a few weeks ago. Well good old Lauren Cockpig posted a little blog about a recent rumor and, well, the fans came rushing to her defense. Let me just say that no one is a bigger loser-tool-douche-bag than me, but some of these comments come in a close second. Let’s peruse, shall we?
~ Yeah, some people totally are haters, but perhaps “rAcHeL” is a bit more of a hater since she is clearing making fun of Whitney with her “do ur thinK lauren.” P.S, try using punctuation.
~ Here we go with another low blow. Keep your chin up? Why not just make fun of Heidi to her face/chin?
~ Honestly, I have no clue what you’re talking about. Now don’t get me wrong, I like the “……” more than anyone, but this is borderline not readable. Is that a word? It is now. Hit the books.
~ Hahaha! Oh J-NYC. You are totally “crazy” and a “weirdo.” Don’t pretend you’re not. If Lauren ever talked to you personally you would probably end up putting her in your trunk and dropping her off in a ditch somewhere…..but not before turning her into a human puppet. See you on “To Catch a Predator!”
~ Well well well, Charlotte. Finally, a breath of fresh air! You’ve given me an idea. The next time I see Lauren post a blog IBBB is going to post a comment too. Ohhhh it should be something good. I will start planning now. Get ready!
~ Yes, my friends, you should be looking up to someone you don’t know. That makes total sense. Sure your mom and dad are working their asses off to feed your fat ass and keep you in school but, you’re right, Lauren Conrad is the real role model.
~ “Wat else can u do?” You could totally study hard, sweetheart, because from the looks of this comment you’re about two sentences away from asking me to clean my windshield as I’m stopped at a red light. Stay in school!
~ Creepy Alert! Creepy Alert! Creepy Alert! Yowza. Where to begin? “Be my innocent queen tonight?” Ah, no means “no” you creepy perv. You may say that to your dolls that outline the entire border of your bedroom before you go to bed each night, but no one wants to read something like that ever again. Although, I must say, I do think you totally have a shot with her.
~ It’s good to have goals, Jenny. However, you’d be surprised as to just how cost effective it is to stalk people. Therefore, you don’t have to be rich to one day run into Lauren. Just save up enough babysitting money and buy a plane ticket to LA. Then just sit your ass on her front stairs and wait for her to come out. It’s pretty cheap. And the paparazzi that sit outside of Conrad Manor typically have gum and mints for you to snack on whilst you wait. Best wishes!
Ah, well that concludes another segment of “Fun With Myspace.” Come to think of it, this isn’t illegal or anything, right? I mean, these people posted this stuff publicly so it’s fair game right?
Well I’ll just do the disclaimer that the movies do: “The events, myspace people and/or animals depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.”
Myspace typically loses its appeal after a while, but the constant changing of ridiculous ads always keeps me coming back for more. Here are two of the many random ones that popped up on my Myspace page today. Enjoy.
Yeah, no. So I’m not 100% up-to-date on all the different kinds of acne that “the kids” can get these days, but I’m not as certain that this chick needs acne medicine as much as she needs a 12-step program to stop her meth addiction that is, clearly, eating away at her face. Luckily she is still smiling with both her mouth and her eyes so at least Tyra would be proud. Once “Melanie Meth-Head” finishes her 12-steps she should also seek treatment for her need to put out cigarettes on her forehead. Not only is this dangerous for her, but I’m pretty sure this can also somehow cause forest fires. Sure, times can be tough but a little TLC is all she needs.
Now does this ad want to tell me when I
will die or when David Archuleta from American Idol will die because I’m guessing that they’re somehow using his likeness without his written consent or the permission of the American Idol slave owners who currently own him. As a quick sidenote, why would I ever want to know when I was going to die and why do I need a subscription to help me figure this out. Sweet Jesus forbid that my expiration date was tomorrow, I’d be pissed as hell that I’ve spent my last moments typing………………………………………………..just kidding. You thought I died. Awkward “ha-ha-” on you! Anyway, I clicked on this add to see if I could find out when David Archuleta was going to die to see if I should vote for him or not on Idol…er….uh…I mean so I can tell “my friend” if he should vote for David Archuleta on Idol.
Jenna Fischer, or Pam from The Office, and her husband James Gunn, or Random McRandomerson, have decided to split up. I bet Jim Halpert has something to do with this. While this is sad, I guess, I find it hilarious that they have also issued a statement through their Myspace page to instruct their Myspace fans on how to react to this situation. And I quote,
“You might be tempted to make one of us ‘feel better’ by putting the other one
down in a post. Please don’t – we still have the utmost respect for one another,
and we’d have to delete you.”
Awesome! When my marriage hits the skids I’m going to definitely make an announcement on Myspace! Seriously, what?
Jenna Fischer and Her Husband Split Up
I’m trying to figure out if it was technically the rehab facility or the sobriety that made Lindsay Lohan a raging lesbian.
According to NYDailyNews
Lindsay No Pants personal myspace account was hacked and what was discovered was secret lesbian love letters to her “friend” DJ Samantha Ronson. What did these letters allegedly say you ask? Good question. Here’s one that their claiming:
From Lindsay to Samantha: “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die…I want to marry you and have children with you. Go to bed babe. I love you.”
And then she signed it “Lindsay Ronson.” Let’s analyze this, shall we? How can you just “go die?” Now how does that work? It’s not like you can just be like, “ok well I’ll go die now.” Wait can you? Lindsay should test this concept out. Look I don’t care if Lindsay is a lesbian or not. Regardless, these letters are retarded. Anyway, the photos above were taken of Lindsay No Pants heading out to brunch yesterday, which brings me to my next point. Rehab is a blast.
Who Shot That!?!
Posted by IBBB
It’s been a little while since I went on a rant. Now’s the time.
How are things with you? I’m guessing “not so good” because you never really seem to work right. It seems like every day as soon as I’ve finished typing up a 14,000 word Myspace message and hit “send” I always seem to get the “sorry! an unexpected error has occurred. This error has been forwarded to Myspace’s technical group”
message. Yeah, thanks Myspace, that’s helpful. Is it really that
unexpected? This happens 6 times a day. Who are these tech people and what are they doing with my message? Can they just resend it for me or must I retype the same message 15 more times? And what type of information does this one particular error message contain that is so different then the other 18,000 error messages their “tech group” receives? What is this tech group like? And why can’t they fix this error by now?
Also, do the Myspace spammers think I’m stupid? NO, I DON’T want to hear about your latest ringtones. And not for one second will I be tricked by this message even though it came from one of my friends. My friends don’t care about ringtones and certainly wouldn’t send me a message about one. At the same time, I’m not getting tricked by the Myspace email or comment message that talks about “girls say that size does matter.” Who are the people who are falling for these scams? I say the people who are tricked by these messages and actually click on those links should be kicked off of Myspace. I’d give them the electric chair if possible.
So in conclusion, Myspace, get your stuff together. For a website that is worth like $100 million, you run worse than my Apple IIc and that includes the time that Oregon Trail got stuck inside the disk drive and wouldn’t work anymore.