More Mindless Stories on ‘myspace’
12
Fun With Lauren Conrad’s Myspace!
~ Honestly, I have no clue what you’re talking about. Now don’t get me wrong, I like the “……” more than anyone, but this is borderline not readable. Is that a word? It is now. Hit the books.
~ Yes, my friends, you should be looking up to someone you don’t know. That makes total sense. Sure your mom and dad are working their asses off to feed your fat ass and keep you in school but, you’re right, Lauren Conrad is the real role model.
~ It’s good to have goals, Jenny. However, you’d be surprised as to just how cost effective it is to stalk people. Therefore, you don’t have to be rich to one day run into Lauren. Just save up enough babysitting money and buy a plane ticket to LA. Then just sit your ass on her front stairs and wait for her to come out. It’s pretty cheap. And the paparazzi that sit outside of Conrad Manor typically have gum and mints for you to snack on whilst you wait. Best wishes!
Ah, well that concludes another segment of “Fun With Myspace.” Come to think of it, this isn’t illegal or anything, right? I mean, these people posted this stuff publicly so it’s fair game right?
Well I’ll just do the disclaimer that the movies do: “The events, myspace people and/or animals depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.”
15
Fun With Myspace Ads!
Yeah, no. So I’m not 100% up-to-date on all the different kinds of acne that “the kids” can get these days, but I’m not as certain that this chick needs acne medicine as much as she needs a 12-step program to stop her meth addiction that is, clearly, eating away at her face. Luckily she is still smiling with both her mouth and her eyes so at least Tyra would be proud. Once “Melanie Meth-Head” finishes her 12-steps she should also seek treatment for her need to put out cigarettes on her forehead. Not only is this dangerous for her, but I’m pretty sure this can also somehow cause forest fires. Sure, times can be tough but a little TLC is all she needs.
Now does this ad want to tell me when I will die or when David Archuleta from American Idol will die because I’m guessing that they’re somehow using his likeness without his written consent or the permission of the American Idol slave owners who currently own him. As a quick sidenote, why would I ever want to know when I was going to die and why do I need a subscription to help me figure this out. Sweet Jesus forbid that my expiration date was tomorrow, I’d be pissed as hell that I’ve spent my last moments typing………………………………………………..just kidding. You thought I died. Awkward “ha-ha-” on you! Anyway, I clicked on this add to see if I could find out when David Archuleta was going to die to see if I should vote for him or not on Idol…er….uh…I mean so I can tell “my friend” if he should vote for David Archuleta on Idol. 06
Jenna Fisher and Her Husband Split Up, But Keep Their Myspace Page and Myspace Fans Their #1 Priority
Jenna Fischer, or Pam from The Office, and her husband James Gunn, or Random McRandomerson, have decided to split up. I bet Jim Halpert has something to do with this. While this is sad, I guess, I find it hilarious that they have also issued a statement through their Myspace page to instruct their Myspace fans on how to react to this situation. And I quote, “You might be tempted to make one of us ‘feel better’ by putting the other one
down in a post. Please don’t – we still have the utmost respect for one another,
and we’d have to delete you.”
Jenna Fischer and Her Husband Split Up
12
Rehab Made Lindsay Lohan a Lesbian?
I’m trying to figure out if it was technically the rehab facility or the sobriety that made Lindsay Lohan a raging lesbian. According to NYDailyNews Lindsay No Pants personal myspace account was hacked and what was discovered was secret lesbian love letters to her “friend” DJ Samantha Ronson. What did these letters allegedly say you ask? Good question. Here’s one that their claiming:
From Lindsay to Samantha: “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die…I want to marry you and have children with you. Go to bed babe. I love you.”
And then she signed it “Lindsay Ronson.” Let’s analyze this, shall we? How can you just “go die?” Now how does that work? It’s not like you can just be like, “ok well I’ll go die now.” Wait can you? Lindsay should test this concept out. Look I don’t care if Lindsay is a lesbian or not. Regardless, these letters are retarded. Anyway, the photos above were taken of Lindsay No Pants heading out to brunch yesterday, which brings me to my next point. Rehab is a blast.
23
Dear Myspace
It’s been a little while since I went on a rant. Now’s the time.
Also, do the Myspace spammers think I’m stupid? NO, I DON’T want to hear about your latest ringtones. And not for one second will I be tricked by this message even though it came from one of my friends. My friends don’t care about ringtones and certainly wouldn’t send me a message about one. At the same time, I’m not getting tricked by the Myspace email or comment message that talks about “girls say that size does matter.” Who are the people who are falling for these scams? I say the people who are tricked by these messages and actually click on those links should be kicked off of Myspace. I’d give them the electric chair if possible.
So in conclusion, Myspace, get your stuff together. For a website that is worth like $100 million, you run worse than my Apple IIc and that includes the time that Oregon Trail got stuck inside the disk drive and wouldn’t work anymore.
Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB
