More Mindless Stories on ‘mtv’

MTV Doesn’t Play Music Videos Anymore. I Know. Get Over It.

People are doing Shasta McNasty in their pants over the fact that MTV has officially changed their logo for the first time in almost 30 years.  Yes, they removed the “music television” from the bottom of the logo.  Are you guys ok?  You still with me?  Close the window, it’ll be fine.  MTV’s head of marketing, Tina Exarhos, said, “The people who watch it today, they don’t refer to MTV as music television. They don’t have the same emotional connection that, say, the people who are writing about [the logo change] do.”

Beyond cropping out the words “Music Television,” Exarhos said her team redrew and minimally tweaked the placement of the “TV” within the “M.”

Hopefully this will finally put an end to all the annoying people who say, “Why doesn’t MTV play music videos anymore?!”  and “Why do they even call it music television since they don’t play any videos.”  Really, people?  Really?  No one can put the two and two together and get their mind around a little thing called “ad revenue.”  Hmmm.  Let’s see.  Are people more apt to sit and watch something like, say, a Jersey Shore marathon for 5 hours or sit and watch (consistently) 5 hours of music videos?  I’ll go out on a limb and say that people would watch 7 minutes of music videos before changing the channel.  So quit your bitching.  If MTV only played videos there wouldn’t be an MTV still around today and you would never have welcomed such favorites into your living room like Snooki, Lauren Conrad, Spencer Pratt, Kelly Cutrone, Flora, or any of those brats from My Super Sweet Sixteen….or Butch from Teen Mom!  So, America, get your priorities straight and watch music videos online and be fine with it.  Good day.

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Farrah from “Teen Mom” Allegedly Choked By Her Mom, Debra Danielson

So basically MTV reality shows are just about beating the bag out of each other.  First Jersey Shore and now Teen Mom.  Farrah Abraham is the new Snooki if the accusations are true.  My friends over at TMZ are reporting that Farrah was allegedly choked and then hit in the face by her mother, Debra Danielson after an argument escalated inside her mother’s home.

Debra, who is looking more and more like a resident of Who-ville, was arrested on Saturday at 1pm for suspicion of domestic abuse/serious assault.  According to police, the fight began when Farrah’s mom threw an MTV shirt at her, which ended up landing on her baby, who started to cry.  It was then that Farrah began yelling at her mother who then, allegedly (oh I’ll say “allegedly” 100 times) grabbed Farrah by the throat and then struck her on the right side of her head and mouth when Farrah tried to push her away.  I love white trash with money!

Seriously, let’s face it, the mother appears to have been the conductor of the crazy train ever since 16 and Pregnant last season.  While Farrah seems (on the new show) to be more about her dating and social life than spending any time with her daughter, Sophia, Farrah’s mom always seems to be saying the craziest things to her….on camera.  It’s like, the cameras are on you so why would you say those things?  Whatever happened to the good old days of putting on a smile for everyone else and then declaring Jihad on your house once the guests leave?  Those were simpler times.

And the whole time I thought Butch was the trashiest!?

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Can We Talk About “Butch” from “Teen Mom”

I’m not going to lie.  I watch Teen Mom on MTV.  It’s good.  It is.  Screw you for judging me.  I know you just did.  You just did it again.  Anytrash, every time Butch shows up on the screen I always think I accidentally sat on my remote control and changed the channel to Fox and am watching the follow up to an episode of COPS.

So Butch is the father of Tyler who goes out with Catelynn who had to give her baby, Carly, up for adoption during the last season of “16 and Pregnant.”  I guess now Butch is married to Catelynn’s mom, so Butch is not only Tyler’s dad, but also Catelynn’s stepdad and Catelynn’s mom is Tyler’s stepmom, but Catelynn and Tyler are not technically brother and sister.  Take a breath.  Just another family tree tracing in the South!

Butch, with his rat-tail-gray-and-black-mullet has been in jail for the majority of Tyler’s life so Tyler basically hates his dad.  In the latest episode, Butch may be going back to jail, from what I understand, for pushing Catelynn’s mom.  Seriously, what!?!  Even I can’t figure this out.  All I know is that with parents who appear to be so screwed up, Catelynn and Tyler actually seem to have a great head on their shoulders and have a fighting chance of making something out of their lives.  Although, secretly, I’m hoping that Butch gets his own spinoff show.  Oh, and by “secretly” I actually mean, “I’m writing a letter to MTV as we speak.”

Oh Butch.

Discuss.

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Britney Spears: VMAs Performance: Gimme More….Boniva

Uh, now does Britney know that we know that she doesn’t sing live? She may know some of us know, but does she know we all know? All of us. Everyone. Even Helen Keller can see and hear this fraud-show coming from a mile away. Anyway, Britney opened up the VMAs with a lifeless performance of her new song “Gimme More.” She should change the song to “Gimme More Boniva” because Britney was moving like a 75 year old woman with osteoporosis. Seriously she was barely moving and didn’t even look like she cared she was there. Look, I’m not saying she needs to get herself down to Olsen weight, but I am saying that if she is going to wear Paula Abdul’s old “Vibeology” costume from the 1991 Grammy’s then I really think she should lose a couple more pounds.

Britney Spears: Gimme More…Boniva

MTV The Hills: Lauren & Heidi Fight It Out

Oh “The Hills” where have you been for all these months? IBBB has been lonely without you. In a very special 1-hour season three opener we get to learn what really has been going on with Lauren and Heidi and the rest of the California Goonies over the past few months. Clearly this season of The Hills is sponsored by Red Bull as that is all the Lauren and Audrina drink in the majority of the scripted scenes. It was also pleasing to see the following “friends” get the “second chance upgrade.” I call it the “second chance upgrade” because at one point everyone hated these people or they were never invited out with everyone. The “second chance upgrade” winners this episode are: Jenn Bunney (for being BFF with Heidi), Whitney (for all of a sudden being in almost every scene with Lauren, Audrina (for now being BFF with Lauren after both her and Heidi didn’t really like her during the beginning of season 2), and Lo (friends again with Lauren as Lauren has no one else to talk to when the other girls aren’t around). Congratulations girls! You’re second best. So here’s how the rest of the episode went down:

• Clearly MTV doesn’t like Heidi either as everyone else gets way more airtime during the opening credits. No joke, Heidi gets no more than a 2 second shot. Finally MTV has done something right.
• Steve Sanders got his hair freshly bleached, permed, and blown out. Someone must have made some extra cash since season 2!
• Why does Heidi look like she’s a 45 year old single mother of 3 since her boob and nose job? Is that the look she was going for? I always knew Steve Sanders had a thing for Cindy Walsh.
• Seriously, how come where Audrina and Heidi work is always like a ghost-town? No one else ever works there except 1 or 2 people tops. If you look in the background the cubicles are always empty and the lights are always off. Is this just a set?
• Ok, it’s official, no one is allowed to use the word “housewarming party” anymore. It has been officially said 3,000 times this episode.
• Can I say that I love Lauren even more now that she’s become a slutty booze-hound? She’s totally that girl at the bar that drinks too much and then screams the same thing over and over again. Hot. The next day her voice is all raspy and she needs to suck down 3 Red Bull just to make it through the day.
• Jenn Bunney shows up at Heidi’s housewarming party from hell. Still no nose job. Tough break Bunney.
• By the way, since Whitney is no longer an intern and is now “the boss” of the interns they were nice enough to give her her own office. Ok, well it isn’t her own office but they did turn her desk around now so that it faces Lauren. That must make her feel good, no?
• What happened to Audrina’s upper lip? Did I just notice this? It seems to have disappeared. She’s very “Fire Marshal Bill” circa 1995.
• Are Heidi and Steve Sanders trying to send Lauren secret messages through the camera? I think so.
• Lauren and Audrina never showed up to the housewarming party so Heidi wrote them letters about it. This should be great. $10 bucks it’s written in crayon.
• Everyone goes to Le Deaux for some random kids b-day. Lauren is already trashed by the time the kid shows up (hot).
• Heidi shows up to the club/bar and hands Lauren the letter she wrote her. Who does that? That’s why this moment is officially my “1st Favorite Scripted Moment of The Hills Season Three Episode One.”
• As a side note I was looking for a drunken Lindsay Lohan in the background of Le Deaux. No luck.
• The girls read their letters while locked in the bathroom. Of course the words “housewarming party” were in the letter. Nice touch.
• Great, now a drunken Lauren and a sober Heidi have their fight. It’s basically the same fight that took place on the couch in season 2, but it now involved liquor, a rumor, and Le Deaux.

Episode 2:

• I must say I’m upset that there was no Lisa Loveless in episode 1. It’s not the same without her.
• Steve Sanders painted a ghetto mural in the living room and tagged the wall with the word “Hollywood” and put dollar signs all over the place. Heidi is upset. This is officially my “2nd Favorite Scripted Moment of The Hills Season Three Episode 2.” Nice job trying to be “The Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica Simpson.”
• Audrina is getting back with her ex-boyfriend (Justin, who wants to be called Bobby…ok). When she shows up for her date, her ex-boyfriend is apparently Winona Ryder? Also, was he wearing a beret?
• Sweeeet! Lo is back again. It’s good to see she made the cut again. Luckily Lauren has no more friends left so someone had to be “cast” as her friend. Sneaky, yet brilliant, work MTV.
• Steve Sanders tells Brody that he wants Brody to be his best man when he asks Heidi (and her boobs) to marry him. He then is a stand up guy, yet again, and asks Brody to use his credit card to buy the bring.
• Sidenote, has Steve Sanders forehead grown?
• No joke, Steve Sanders and Brody go and buy Heidi’s engagement ring in about 2 minutes. The first ring the sales girl shows him he just buys. Scripted moment # 3? Not 100% sure, but am definitely leaning in that direction.
• Lauren heads back to Laguna Beach in which her mother tells her about the harsh reality of LA and losing all her friends, but not to stop trusting people. Thanks Mrs. Brady.
• Steve Sanders and Heidi go to Santa Barbara to which Steve asks Heidi to marry him. It was just the two of them on the beach. Oh, and the entire production team from MTV was there as well. I’m sure that’s just how Heidi has always dreamt her engagement. No really, I bet it is.

That’s it for this week. I’m officially 10% dumber.

MTV’s Newport Harbor. Really?

"The Hills" Season 3 Finalizes the Script

Dear Taquita and Kaui: No.

Dear Taquita and Kaui – please stop immediately.

Thanks,
IBBB

P.S – Whomever created this show, please email me at once.

MTV The Hills: The Hills Season 3 Is a Go

MTV has decided to add a third season of “The Hills” to its line up next season, but fans of Lauren, Heidi, Steve Sanders, Audrina, and Whitney won’t have to wait a full year for this masterpiece to be put together. The Hills, season 3, is scheduled to air at some point this summer.
The second season of The Hills was the most watch program in it’s time slot and it’s audience grew by 25%. I mean, I don’t want to say “you’re welcome” because of my brilliant weekly recaps, but “you’re welcome.”
So what will happen with Heidi and Steve Sanders? Will Whitney take that job in NYC? How many more teeth will Audrina add to her mouth? Is Jenn Bunney still lurking around Lauren’s apartment complex? Will Heidi’s new boobs get their own show? Hopefully as they are working on the script for season three they’ll add all of these things into it. Yeah that’s right, I said it. Script.

Who Said That!?!

Heidi’s Boobs Make News: The Hills

MTV The Hills Finale: The Script Ends

Similar to the Berlin Wall coming down or John F. Kennedy being assassinated, you will always remember where you were when you watched the season finale of “The Hills.” Sad times. Sad times. So many questions will hopefully be answered, such as: how many teeth does Audrina really have? Will Heidi remember to chew her food before swallowing? Will Steve Sanders make it to season three? Will Whitney fall out of her chair and into the arms of a loving Lisa Loveless? Let’s see what happens…

• How come when Heidi wakes up she has “newscaster hair?” Actually, she always has it. If Heidi’s horrific music career doesn’t pan out, she should be a newscaster.
• Oh Christ! Hang on to your skyscrapers, Whitney just landed in NYC!
• Is it normal for Whitney to dress kinda like a pirate for her big interview?
• Again, nobody works where Heidi works. Heidi and her two co-workers (”Wonky Eye” and “Droopy Eye”) are literally sitting around and reading magazines. Work’s tough.
• Uh, oh. Steve Sanders has a surprise for Heidi. Oh, and by “surprise” I think he means a “Hills Scripted Moment.”
• What? Did Steve Sanders blow out his perm? Does he wear a wig? I’m confused.
• Steve Sanders shows Heidi his new place. Steve’s a real hard worker so he deserves a great apartment.
• Heidi decides to move in with Steve Sanders. No doubt they will spend their nights doing eachothers’ hair. It is at this moment of ridiculousness that I think Whitney is smart for going to NYC. Scratch that. Whitney is brilliant. Yup, I said it.
• Ok, so it’s 15 minutes into the episode and no Lisa Loveless. I’m saddened. If she’s not in the episode I won’t be watching next season. Fine, I’ll watch, but I’ll be pissed.
• When Heidi tells Lauren that she’s moving out I think Lauren wishes that The Hills was on HBO and not MTV so she could not only swear at Heidi, but potentially stab her too just like in the Sopranos.
• Hahaha Whitney is literally getting blown all over the streets of NYC. Brilliant.
• Why is Whitney yelling into the phone? She’s like an old woman who’s never used a cell phone.
• Steve Sanders hair is permed again.
• I’d like to take this moment to applaud the MTV camera crew for a perfect shot of Heidi in the side mirror of the UHaul driving away. Perfect angle, perfect. How many times did you make them back up in the truck so you could get that shot? I say 5.
• Sweet, Lauren brings home a pizza and some champagne for herself. She’s lonely. She might as well get fat and drunk! Wait, Audrina moved in for Lauren. She’s psyched that she’ll get more TV time next season. Sly move Audrina, sly move.
• Wait, what happened to Heidi’s newscaster hair? She legit looks like Donna Martin. No joke. Watch for it the next time.

Ok, well that was a let down. There is no cliffhanger. There will be a season 3, so that means that Heidi will move back in with Lauren and Whitney will come back to LA from NYC. Cliffhanger over. No more The Hills write ups for a while now kids. Thanks for all the emails about my ridiculous The Hills recaps and thoughts all season. Here’s to Laguna Beach Season 17!

MTV The Hills: Whitney Falls Down the Stairs

• Woo-hoo! Emily the “super intern” is back baby! I am convinced that Emily is the daughter of Lisa Loveless. They definitely look like “mother/daughter.” Not like Lindsay Lohan/Dina Lohan mother/daughter, but like legit mother/daughter.
• After two seasons, I just noticed that the opening credits mainly consist of the girls each doing the same “face” with their mouth open and head tilted to the side. Good for them!
• Why does Whitney say “fashion contributor” and put it in “air quotes?” I mean, is that the title or not?
• Steve Sanders and Heidi eat Fajitas. Does Steve perm his hair?
• “The girls” have to work the Good Morning America Fashion Show.
• I wonder why the music they chose for this scene with Emily walking in is “La Cucaracha” which is Spanish for “the cockroaches.” No joke. That’s actually the song they are playing. If I were Spanish I would write a letter. I’m not, so I won’t.
• Lauren Howell is back too. If you remember her from the last time, all the direction she gave the girls the last time was to make sure the area wasn’t “chaotic.” Yup, she literally gives the same advice this time. Helpful. Somehow, though, Whitney still seems confused.
• The editor from Vogue is talking so high I can’t even hear him. Only dogs can hear him at this point.
• In my favorite “scripted moment” of the episode, Whitney surprisingly gets picked to be a model at the fashion show! Who would have guessed that!?! Certainly not me. Kids, let me give some advice to you out there. You’re not going to go from intern to “model.” It’s not going to happen. Study hard.
• Yes! Here it is! Cue Whitney! Live on Good Morning America, Whitney slides right down the last 10 steps. Oh, they make this look like it’s “Live” and I believe that it is, but it looks like they just taped up a “live” sign and stuck it to the top corner of the screen. Ghetto. Clearly, I loved it.
• Emily really helps by saying, “at least you didn’t really fall, like really fall.” Yeah, no she literally fell. Legit.
• Something is wrong with me. I actually feel bad for her. What is happening to my heart? What is this feeling? This must stop. STAT! Quick, Heidi say something stupid! Steve Sanders, quick cram more teeth in your mouth. Ahhh that’s better. I’m back.
• Lisa Loveless even has a heart and says some nice words to Whitney about “the fall.” I’m not paying attention to what she is saying, because I wonder if she sweats Whitney.
• As a surprise twist, Whitney may become the manager of all the interns. Kids, anything is possible. If Whitney can do it so can you!
• Sweet, Heidi won’t move in with Steve Sanders so he kicks her out of his car. What is Heidi’s comeback? She legit slams the door and says “stupid car.” Awesome. P.S Why are Heidi’s shoulders always so high? Does she have asthma?

What will become of these two? Will Steve Sanders and Heidi break up for good? Will there be a season three? Will my mind completely rot? No, yes, and yes.

Justin Timberlake Does "The Diss" to MTV

MTV The Hills: Lauren’s 21st Birthday

Woo-hoo it’s Lauren’s 21st birthday for the 1oth time! Awesome! You know what that means, there is only room for drunken fights, crying, slurring of words, and bad analogies from Whitney.

• Audrina and Heidi trying to plan a surprise party makes me nervous. Seriously, their plan makes no sense. I think it actually involves pissing off the birthday girl. Good idea. They’re saying things to each other and then responding by saying, “yeah, good idea.” Really? What the hell are they talking about? Worst plan ever.
• No joke, does Heidi do anything at work? She’s on the phone at work talking to Steve Sanders and Jenn Bunney just randomly shows up. Oh and by “randomly” I mean “scripted/instructed.”
• Uh, Jenn Bunney is retarded. Heidi hints around 15 times that she has to go back to work because she’s busy and Jenn just keeps talking. Technically, she’s a retarded bunny.
• Lisa Loveless better be invited to Lauren’s surprise party or I’m going to be pissed.
• Whoa, I’m shocked. Lauren actually fell for Heidi’s plan to make her think that she is ditching out on her birthday plans for Steve Sanders. Lauren just got waaay stupid, yet waaaay hotter. Hmmm, dumb works for her.
• Heidi has to remind people to yell “surprise” when Lauren walks in. Is it possible to have a room filled with people who are more retarded than Heidi? Apparently so.
• Sweeeeet! Another guest appearance from Lo.
• Steve Sanders gives a toast to Lauren that basically goes like this, “I’m banging your friend, so if I want to continue to bang her I’ll say a few nice words to you.” Oh, and somehow Steve managed to cram more teeth into his mouth. Perhaps he borrowed some teeth from Audrina?
• I couldn’t be more disappointed that there was no drunken fighting at the bar. What a waste.
• Jenn Bunney is a crazy stalker. She just shows up at Lauren’s apartment. Oh wait, here’s the fight. Pheeeew!
• Hmmm Lauren has only one fighting style. She fights with Jenn the same way she fought with Heidi. She-talks-in-segments-when-she’s-fighting-and-y-e-l-l-i-n-g.
• Seriously, put Jenn Bunney on suicide watch. She’ll be taking a dirt nap before you know it.

Holy Christ! Be sure to tune in next week when Whitney falls down the stairs. Is there really any more to say than that? Falls. Down the stairs. Falls down the stairs.

The Hills: Whitney is the "Nana" of Interns

Ah yes, another episode of The Hills. I’m starting this one off with a question. Has Lisa Loveless ever been seen walking or even standing for that matter? It seems as though I only see her sitting in her office. Perhaps she doesn’t have legs? It’s a toss up. As I being to lose even more braincells here are my thoughts, questions, and mindless statements I have to make about this weeks episode of The Hills.

• How come Lauren and Whitney dress like they’re on their way to the beach when they’re at work?
• Lisa Loveless insults Lauren right off the bat when she is talking about how the girls will be working with this famous fashion photographer for the day. Lisa goes, “you can both learn a lot from her…if you pay attention.” And then Lisa Loveless and Whitney both look at Lauren. Brilliant. I don’t even care if they edited that look into the scene. I can only hope that someone out there is recapping all of Lisa’s scripted insults…yes, scripted.
• Whitney suffers from what I call “Question Mark Disease” or “QMD.” QMD disease forces every sentence you say to sound like it ends in a question, even when it isn’t and makes your voice go up high at the end of it. QMD can kill.

• Lauren is doing her “homework” which consists of her drawing a dress. It looks like what a 2nd grader would draw. It basically looked like an up-side-down triangle. Study harder Lauren.
• Heidi and Steve Sanders vacationing in Santa Barbara officially makes me want to never go to Santa Barbara. Ever. Thanks Heidi.

• Whitney’s little sister, Jade, booked a photo shoot. She is literally a mini Whitney. I immediately feel bad for their parents.
• Audrina and Lauren go on a double-date. Lauren’s “date” asks her where she’s from. She says Laguna Beach and he looks like he doesn’t know that. Does he have a TV? This kid won’t last past this episode. Great casting. I refuse to give him a name…not even a cool nickname like “Steve Sanders” has. I think it would be hard for me to date Lauren because I would only ask her to explain things that took place from either Laguna Beach or The Hills. To make things worse if she was telling stories I would think that I was there too. Like I would think, “hey wait wasn’t I in Cabo with you and Steven?” But I digress.
• Random question. What has happened to Lauren’s voice? It’s all raspy. I like it. Moving on.
• Whitney is getting fed up with being an intern for 5-years (college is only 4-years…nice work Whitney). I give it 2 more episodes before Whitney shoots up the Teen Vogue offices. Do you think MTV with show that?
• Is Lauren a midget? Every time they show her driving the car her head, literally, isn’t higher than the steering wheel. That’s danger.
• Heidi blows off plans with Lauren to go to the movies with Steve Sanders. The cameras are in the movies with them. Isn’t that illegal? I always thought they said you can’t film anything in a movie theater? Why does The Hills break to many laws?

The IBBB “The Hills Question of the Week” is: “If Whitney fell down in the forest and no one was there to hear her, does she make a sound?”