More Mindless Stories on ‘mtv’

MTV Doesn’t Play Music Videos Anymore. I Know. Get Over It.

People are doing Shasta McNasty in their pants over the fact that MTV has officially changed their logo for the first time in almost 30 years.  Yes, they removed the “music television” from the bottom of the logo.  Are you guys ok?  You still with me?  Close the window, it’ll be fine.  MTV’s head of marketing, Tina Exarhos, said, “The people who watch it today, they don’t refer to MTV as music television. They don’t have the same emotional connection that, say, the people who are writing about [the logo change] do.”

Beyond cropping out the words “Music Television,” Exarhos said her team redrew and minimally tweaked the placement of the “TV” within the “M.”

Hopefully this will finally put an end to all the annoying people who say, “Why doesn’t MTV play music videos anymore?!”  and “Why do they even call it music television since they don’t play any videos.”  Really, people?  Really?  No one can put the two and two together and get their mind around a little thing called “ad revenue.”  Hmmm.  Let’s see.  Are people more apt to sit and watch something like, say, a Jersey Shore marathon for 5 hours or sit and watch (consistently) 5 hours of music videos?  I’ll go out on a limb and say that people would watch 7 minutes of music videos before changing the channel.  So quit your bitching.  If MTV only played videos there wouldn’t be an MTV still around today and you would never have welcomed such favorites into your living room like Snooki, Lauren Conrad, Spencer Pratt, Kelly Cutrone, Flora, or any of those brats from My Super Sweet Sixteen….or Butch from Teen Mom!  So, America, get your priorities straight and watch music videos online and be fine with it.  Good day.

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Farrah from “Teen Mom” Allegedly Choked By Her Mom, Debra Danielson

So basically MTV reality shows are just about beating the bag out of each other.  First Jersey Shore and now Teen Mom.  Farrah Abraham is the new Snooki if the accusations are true.  My friends over at TMZ are reporting that Farrah was allegedly choked and then hit in the face by her mother, Debra Danielson after an argument escalated inside her mother’s home.

Debra, who is looking more and more like a resident of Who-ville, was arrested on Saturday at 1pm for suspicion of domestic abuse/serious assault.  According to police, the fight began when Farrah’s mom threw an MTV shirt at her, which ended up landing on her baby, who started to cry.  It was then that Farrah began yelling at her mother who then, allegedly (oh I’ll say “allegedly” 100 times) grabbed Farrah by the throat and then struck her on the right side of her head and mouth when Farrah tried to push her away.  I love white trash with money!

Seriously, let’s face it, the mother appears to have been the conductor of the crazy train ever since 16 and Pregnant last season.  While Farrah seems (on the new show) to be more about her dating and social life than spending any time with her daughter, Sophia, Farrah’s mom always seems to be saying the craziest things to her….on camera.  It’s like, the cameras are on you so why would you say those things?  Whatever happened to the good old days of putting on a smile for everyone else and then declaring Jihad on your house once the guests leave?  Those were simpler times.

And the whole time I thought Butch was the trashiest!?

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Can We Talk About “Butch” from “Teen Mom”

I’m not going to lie.  I watch Teen Mom on MTV.  It’s good.  It is.  Screw you for judging me.  I know you just did.  You just did it again.  Anytrash, every time Butch shows up on the screen I always think I accidentally sat on my remote control and changed the channel to Fox and am watching the follow up to an episode of COPS.

So Butch is the father of Tyler who goes out with Catelynn who had to give her baby, Carly, up for adoption during the last season of “16 and Pregnant.”  I guess now Butch is married to Catelynn’s mom, so Butch is not only Tyler’s dad, but also Catelynn’s stepdad and Catelynn’s mom is Tyler’s stepmom, but Catelynn and Tyler are not technically brother and sister.  Take a breath.  Just another family tree tracing in the South!

Butch, with his rat-tail-gray-and-black-mullet has been in jail for the majority of Tyler’s life so Tyler basically hates his dad.  In the latest episode, Butch may be going back to jail, from what I understand, for pushing Catelynn’s mom.  Seriously, what!?!  Even I can’t figure this out.  All I know is that with parents who appear to be so screwed up, Catelynn and Tyler actually seem to have a great head on their shoulders and have a fighting chance of making something out of their lives.  Although, secretly, I’m hoping that Butch gets his own spinoff show.  Oh, and by “secretly” I actually mean, “I’m writing a letter to MTV as we speak.”

Oh Butch.

Discuss.

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Britney Spears: VMAs Performance: Gimme More….Boniva

Uh, now does Britney know that we know that she doesn’t sing live? She may know some of us know, but does she know we all know? All of us. Everyone. Even Helen Keller can see and hear this fraud-show coming from a mile away. Anyway, Britney opened up the VMAs with a lifeless performance of her new song “Gimme More.” She should change the song to “Gimme More Boniva” because Britney was moving like a 75 year old woman with osteoporosis. Seriously she was barely moving and didn’t even look like she cared she was there. Look, I’m not saying she needs to get herself down to Olsen weight, but I am saying that if she is going to wear Paula Abdul’s old “Vibeology” costume from the 1991 Grammy’s then I really think she should lose a couple more pounds.

Britney Spears: Gimme More…Boniva

MTV The Hills: Lauren & Heidi Fight It Out

Oh “The Hills” where have you been for all these months? IBBB has been lonely without you. In a very special 1-hour season three opener we get to learn what really has been going on with Lauren and Heidi and the rest of the California Goonies over the past few months. Clearly this season of The Hills is sponsored by Red Bull as that is all the Lauren and Audrina drink in the majority of the scripted scenes. It was also pleasing to see the following “friends” get the “second chance upgrade.” I call it the “second chance upgrade” because at one point everyone hated these people or they were never invited out with everyone. The “second chance upgrade” winners this episode are: Jenn Bunney (for being BFF with Heidi), Whitney (for all of a sudden being in almost every scene with Lauren, Audrina (for now being BFF with Lauren after both her and Heidi didn’t really like her during the beginning of season 2), and Lo (friends again with Lauren as Lauren has no one else to talk to when the other girls aren’t around). Congratulations girls! You’re second best. So here’s how the rest of the episode went down:

• Clearly MTV doesn’t like Heidi either as everyone else gets way more airtime during the opening credits. No joke, Heidi gets no more than a 2 second shot. Finally MTV has done something right.
• Steve Sanders got his hair freshly bleached, permed, and blown out. Someone must have made some extra cash since season 2!
• Why does Heidi look like she’s a 45 year old single mother of 3 since her boob and nose job? Is that the look she was going for? I always knew Steve Sanders had a thing for Cindy Walsh.
• Seriously, how come where Audrina and Heidi work is always like a ghost-town? No one else ever works there except 1 or 2 people tops. If you look in the background the cubicles are always empty and the lights are always off. Is this just a set?
• Ok, it’s official, no one is allowed to use the word “housewarming party” anymore. It has been officially said 3,000 times this episode.
• Can I say that I love Lauren even more now that she’s become a slutty booze-hound? She’s totally that girl at the bar that drinks too much and then screams the same thing over and over again. Hot. The next day her voice is all raspy and she needs to suck down 3 Red Bull just to make it through the day.
• Jenn Bunney shows up at Heidi’s housewarming party from hell. Still no nose job. Tough break Bunney.
• By the way, since Whitney is no longer an intern and is now “the boss” of the interns they were nice enough to give her her own office. Ok, well it isn’t her own office but they did turn her desk around now so that it faces Lauren. That must make her feel good, no?
• What happened to Audrina’s upper lip? Did I just notice this? It seems to have disappeared. She’s very “Fire Marshal Bill” circa 1995.
• Are Heidi and Steve Sanders trying to send Lauren secret messages through the camera? I think so.
• Lauren and Audrina never showed up to the housewarming party so Heidi wrote them letters about it. This should be great. $10 bucks it’s written in crayon.
• Everyone goes to Le Deaux for some random kids b-day. Lauren is already trashed by the time the kid shows up (hot).
• Heidi shows up to the club/bar and hands Lauren the letter she wrote her. Who does that? That’s why this moment is officially my “1st Favorite Scripted Moment of The Hills Season Three Episode One.”
• As a side note I was looking for a drunken Lindsay Lohan in the background of Le Deaux. No luck.
• The girls read their letters while locked in the bathroom. Of course the words “housewarming party” were in the letter. Nice touch.
• Great, now a drunken Lauren and a sober Heidi have their fight. It’s basically the same fight that took place on the couch in season 2, but it now involved liquor, a rumor, and Le Deaux.

Episode 2:

• I must say I’m upset that there was no Lisa Loveless in episode 1. It’s not the same without her.
• Steve Sanders painted a ghetto mural in the living room and tagged the wall with the word “Hollywood” and put dollar signs all over the place. Heidi is upset. This is officially my “2nd Favorite Scripted Moment of The Hills Season Three Episode 2.” Nice job trying to be “The Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica Simpson.”
• Audrina is getting back with her ex-boyfriend (Justin, who wants to be called Bobby…ok). When she shows up for her date, her ex-boyfriend is apparently Winona Ryder? Also, was he wearing a beret?
• Sweeeet! Lo is back again. It’s good to see she made the cut again. Luckily Lauren has no more friends left so someone had to be “cast” as her friend. Sneaky, yet brilliant, work MTV.
• Steve Sanders tells Brody that he wants Brody to be his best man when he asks Heidi (and her boobs) to marry him. He then is a stand up guy, yet again, and asks Brody to use his credit card to buy the bring.
• Sidenote, has Steve Sanders forehead grown?
• No joke, Steve Sanders and Brody go and buy Heidi’s engagement ring in about 2 minutes. The first ring the sales girl shows him he just buys. Scripted moment # 3? Not 100% sure, but am definitely leaning in that direction.
• Lauren heads back to Laguna Beach in which her mother tells her about the harsh reality of LA and losing all her friends, but not to stop trusting people. Thanks Mrs. Brady.
• Steve Sanders and Heidi go to Santa Barbara to which Steve asks Heidi to marry him. It was just the two of them on the beach. Oh, and the entire production team from MTV was there as well. I’m sure that’s just how Heidi has always dreamt her engagement. No really, I bet it is.

That’s it for this week. I’m officially 10% dumber.