Don’t Worry Lindsay, Daddy Lohan is Here to Help! Phhhhew! You’re Saved!

Posted by IBBB

Fret no more my dearest Lindsay No Pants. Getting a little tired of the ho-hum boring aspects of Camp Rehab? Well worry no more because a clown is literally coming to visit you. That’s right! Heeeeeere’s daddy (Lohan)! Clean cut Michael Lohan is on his way to Utah to spend a little quality time with Lindsay for 5 whole days. No need to worry Lindsay, you still have about 5 hours left to discover creative places to hide your checkbook, purse, and any loose change that’s hanging around your room. Similar to a crime dog, Michael will sniff that shit out.

Michael will be escorting Lindsay from her safe Utah rehab facility to a “remote and undisclosed” location in Utah. Hmmmm, sounds safe. $10.00 says that Michael tries to buy a dime-bag off a chipmunk.

Michael has recently said about Lindsay, “Lindsay is weeding out all the bad. She’s taking a step back and reevaluating her life. What she tells – her honesty and openness – has brought me to tears. It’s beyond words how proud I am of her.”

Notice the clue in the quote? “Weeding?” They’re gonna try to score some weed. Alert the camp counselors at once!

Who Said That!?!

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Jul
30

I’m Hunting Lohan’s

Posted by IBBB

Sadly, I may have to temporarily stop hunting Olsen Sluts. What? I said temporarily. As I typically don’t report on things that people tell me and only comment on other peoples stories I figure it’s year 2 of ImBringingBloggingBack (or Y2IBBB for short) so why not step it up a notch. Everyone seems to be wondering where in the holy-hell Lindsay Lohan is hiding. Well, a friend of mine out on the left-coast, who is also my left-coast spy, has informed me that Lindsay No Pants is right in my backyard of NYC. And I kind of mean that literally. The apartment that Lindsay owns is actually part of my view here in NYC. So I’ve decided to hunt down the entire Lohan Bunch….even that little bitch Ali. Just kidding, I don’t even know Ali. I’m sure she’s not little. I totally want to hang out with Dina though. I bet she gets all sloppy drunk and swears like a truck-driver…and then pukes. She seems like a real hoot. So wish me luck on my hunt. Oh, and sleep with one eye open Olsen’s!

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Jun
28

Michael Lohan Spells Like Lindsay Drinks

Posted by IBBB

lindsay lohan, michael lohan

Michael Lohan is a wicked good speller. Now look, I definitely have more words spelled incorrectly on this blog than spelled correctly, but at least I know how to spell the names of the people in my family. By now you’ve seen Michael Lohan’s press release where he spells his own daughters name incorrectly:

“I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become. Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation.”

Old news, right? Sure. However, IBBB has got another letter written by Michael Lohan to Lindsay. Let’s see how he did…