More Mindless Stories on ‘michael lohan’
Aug
07
07
Michael Lohan Issues Statement….When Everyone Else is Over the Whole Anderson Cooper/Ali Lohan Thing
Posted by IBBB
michael lohan 
Michael Lohan is pissed…..and about 3 days late. After Anderson Cooper was co-hosting Regis and Kelly and took a verbal crap on Ali Lohan saying she was “allegedly a 14-year-old girl, looks to be about 60… I say that with concern and love. She allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor-slash-performer of some sort, striptease person, I don’t know.”
Well then Dina got all extra tanned and fired back a dumb statement saying, “People are just cruel! This is bad karma for him” to OK! Magazine.
Then after Dina said that, Anderson pitched another fit and issues another statement saying Dina probably didn’t even see him on Regis and Kelly because, “she was probably out clubbing.” Oh no you just did not!
So, like 3 days later Michael Lohan got involved and issued this statement: “I think Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself. He is the last person to judge anyone, when he and his own family have their own issues.”
…..to which the homeless man responded, “Dude I just wanted to know if you had any spare change.”
Mar
06
06
When WE TV Has an Event, All the Stars Come Out
Ring the alarm! When WE TV has an event, all the a-listers come out to show their support. WE TV was hosting a panel discussion and having a screening for their new show that’s getting a ton of buzz called, “High School Confidential.” This reality/documentary has been filming for 4-years and followed the lives of high school students and their trials and tribulations. Ok, now that business is taken care of let’s move on to exactly showed up to this.First off they were lucky enough to attract the likes of Michael Lohan! Cherry, cherry, bell. When Michael got the call he put on his best shoe salesman sports coat and tightest stonewashed jeans he could find in his hamper. Next up Ali Lohan and tanerific mom, Dina, even stopped by. Careful Ali, it’s a school night and you’re 13 so hit the books or you’ll end up like you sister, Lindsay No Pants. Finally, Suchin Pak and Ally Sheedy made an appearance because, you know, they both make sense. Seriously? Even I should have been invited to this shitshow. Oh well.
Feb
21
21
Michael Lohan Not to Look at Daughter’s Freckly Rack
With all the smut talk about daughter Lindsay No Pants and her newly exposed rack attack, Us Weekly asked Michael Lohan if he was going to take a sneak peak her Marilyn Monroe inspired knockers. Michael, the noble man he is, stated, “I’m not going to look at those photos – that’s my daughter!” Like zoinks Scoob! Michael did not, however, comment if he would indeed motorboat Lindsay. As a top notch celebrity reporter I am in process of emailing that question to Michael as we speak.
Michael continued on by saying, “Lindsay is an adult, and she knows the direction she wants to take her career. It’s her decision. The fact that the photographer [Bert Stern] who did Marilyn Monroe’s pictures would ask Lindsay to re-create them…that’s an amazing thing.”
Yes Michael that is amazing. You know what else is amazing? The fact that your daughter is covered in red freckles, yet you do not seem to have any. Clearly she can blame that on Dina (the love of my life). I will try to reach Dina for comment too, but will assume she is in the process of tanning….and I don’t want to disturb her.
Dec
19
19
Father Michael Lohan Keepin’ Busy
Posted by IBBB
michael lohan 
Michael Lohan, train-wreck father of Lindsay No Pants Lohan, has been keeping busy and sober lately. Typically, being sober makes people somewhat boring (i.e Lindsay), but Michael seems to like to really up the crazy factor by showing his love for the baby Jesus by taking part in the 2nd Annual Nativity right smack dab in the middle of Times Square. In case you need this cleared up, Michael Lohan is playing the role of Joseph. I’m sure the real Jesus is psyched by this the same way that I’m sure my dad would be honored if Ike Turner played the role of him. Anyway, if this was supposed to be a real Nativity scene will someone refresh my memory if Joseph wore shiny black leather gloves while his son, Jesus, was being born? Also, was the baby Jesus born with a black bullet proof vest? I’ve checked my Bible a few times, but couldn’t seem to find this information in there. Someone Google, please.
No word if Dina was offered the part of Mary, the mother of God, but I assumed she would have turned it down in hopes of scoring the role of Mary Magdalene, the town whore (who was just misunderstood).
Oct
08
08
Michael Lohan to Marry Lindsay Lohan?
Well by now we already know that Lindsay has been freed from Camp Rehab in Utah after reuniting with her father, Michael Lohan. I can’t wait to see Lindsay tackle her newly found soberism (is that a word?) one party in LA at a time. Anyway, I didn’t know that Michael and Lindsay were about to get married!?! Is it a little creepy that Michael’s girlfriend looks a lot like his daughter, you know, minus about 34,645 freckles? Is it even creepier that Michael is sporting a Bill Cosby sweater and Michael Jackson shoes? M. Lo and his girlfriend were reportedly shopping at Zales for an engagement ring. Hey big spender!
Anyway, I can see Lindsay’s NYC apartment from my apartment window and always run towards the window because I think I see Lindsay standing pantsless in front of her window. Alas, it is not Lindsay, just a reflection of the sun setting.
What must Dina think about all this? I haven’t heard from her in a while, so I will send this message to her (via the music of Lindsay’s “Confessions of a Broken Heart a.k.a Daughter to Father):
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
I am missing you, but I am hoping,
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
I am crying, ok I am lying,
Cuz these are, these are
The confessions of a ghetto blog.
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina
Tell me the truth,
Do you ever read me
Do you ever read me
Cuz these are, these are the confessions of a ghetto blog
End scene.
Michael Lohan to Marry Lindsay Lohan?
