More Mindless Stories on ‘me’
26
The Story of Thanksgiving
Gather your nap mats in a semi-circle around Uncle IBBB, girls, boys, and those who have both the pee-pee and the woo-woo, because I’d like to share with you, and other countries, how Thanksgiving came to be.
A long long time ago, roughly 25 years it is rumored, the baby Jesus took a ride with Puxatony Phil on the Spaceship Challenger to venture out to see if there was a new world out there that Mary Magdalene frequently spoke of whilst she was “getting freaky” with Grimace. It was a very cold cold night and Jesus’ and Puxatony Phil’s spaceship hit an iceberg. Suddenly everyone on board began to fight with each other about who was going to get on the rescue boats and who was going to do pencil sketches of Kate Winslet’s bare breasts. After baby Jesus and Puxatony Phil played “We Don’t Give a *** Let the Mother F*cker Burn. Burn Mother F*cker, Burn” with some of the other violinists, they snuck onto the Pinta and the Santa Maria (they took separate boats because they were fighting at the time) and set sail to what they thought was the Warp Zone from Super Mario Brother’s Part One. Little did they know they would wind up reaching the United States, which was only called “The States” back then, and they bitch-slapped and raped some Indians. And that, my friends, is how we ended up eating turkey and pumpkin pie.
Theeeeeeeeeeeee Ennnnnnnd.
Happy Thanksgiving,
IBBB
05
IBBB is an Uncle Again!
I’m back! Sort of. I was back in Boston for my parents 40th anniversary fiesta and about 5 hours after it was over my sister went into labor. Needless to say I became an uncle again (is that possible?) 2 weeks earlier than planned to a 7lb 4oz baby girl named Sophia. I was psyched I didn’t miss it! So, onto the part you are all waiting for, I didn’t get back until almost midnight last night so I am behind on The Hills, sleep, and life. I will try and churn out The Hills recap later today and/or tomorrow. I know, I’m the worst. Sometimes life gets tricky. I am looking forward to being an uncle again AND seeing how Audrina verbally fights Jayde. Oh, and I asked my sister if she would name the new baby “Audrina” but she wouldn’t do it. Selfish. Ole!
15
IBBB Joins Facebook! It’s like 2004 All Over Again!
I may be 5 years behind the times, but IBBB is finally on Facebook! I had no idea how to create a fan-page, so I just signed up for a regular profile. I think this is all going to be a terrible idea, but follow me on there anyway and spread the word of IBBB like people spread the word of Jesus in the bible. Click here to become my life-long Facebook friend. 2004 rules!
-IBBB
13
Similar to Obama (and Jesus) I’m All About Change
Hello and hello, also, hello. Take a swing at your pinata because today is IBBB’s last day (hopefully for a while) working in corporate America! I sorta feel like someone who is getting out of prison after serving a 25 yr sentence and they found out I wasn’t even guilty in the first place. It’s like, who the hell do I sue?!
Anycrap, I’m just going to enjoy all that today has to offer. My new gig (I now technically get to say “gig”) starts on Monday! I already filmed my first scenes this week and it was a blast! Hopefully they don’t edit me out. I will also be back on Monday with your normal craptastic blog posts followed by a recap of the season finale of “The City” (cow bell, cow bell, cow bell).
If you aren’t signed up for Twitter yet, I suggest doing so. I’m thinking I’ll be able to update my Twitter account during the day more often with my new job and perhaps we can all have a laugh with it. Maybe not. Join me on Twitter!
Finally, here’s some random info. Remember Elodie from “The Hills?” Of course you do. Well yesterday was her birthday and she has a new blog that she’s been running. Check her out, wish her a happy belated birthday, and tell her I sent you! You can find her blog, ILoveDorks, here.
-IBBB
10
Money vs. Happiness
Take out your nap mats, kids, and gather around IBBB in a semi-circle because it’s story time. Similar to how Jesus told stories to the lepers, I shall tell a story to you. It does not involve fish of any kind. Quiet please.
As you’ve been following me on this blog for the past 2 years you know that I’ve been trying my hardest at selling out. I even picked up and moved from Boston to sunny NYC to try and break into (legally) the entertainment biz any way I could. While I’ve had some small successes along the way, I’ve recently found myself in an interesting situation.
You see, last week I was at a complete crossroads in my life and, for the first time ever, I had to sit and choose between money and happiness. Seems easier to do until the opportunity presents itself to you. Long story short, I had to decide between my insanely well paying job at a major network in New York City, but is focused on the business side of things…..or leaving all of it behind to become a producer on a new television (late-night talk show that will begin airing in a few months) with my focus on producing the celebrity and musician interviews and possibly even doing a little writing here and there. Downside, money. Downside, peace out to my 30th floor apartment. Upside, peace out to corporate America. Upside, following my dream.
I’ve decided to follow my dream. My last day of my corporate job is this Friday.
I couldn’t be more excited. I felt like I’ve been dreaming for the past few weeks. I started this blog as a creative outlet for me and hoped it would one day catch on, be seen by the right people, and they would just “get it” and “get me.” The fact that all of this has paid off could not be more insane for me. I could go off on a tangent about “putting your mind to something” and “anything is possible” and “if I can beat the odds, so can you” but I won’t. Give me a few drinks and I will.
Once I am at liberty to talk specifics about the show, I will of course be promoting the absolute piss out of it right here on good old IBBB. I have no reason to stop or shutdown this blog. The fact is, I still love it. I love recapping horrible shows. I love you guys getting into debates in the comment section. So, for now, the blog stays. I look forward to you all following me on this insane journey and I really thank each and every one of you for reading and commenting every day.
So now I’m off my soapbox. In the end, I’m still hoping this somehow gets me on The Hills, allows me to place Tyra Banks in a headlock, bring Harriet Carter to television, take that little bitch Bindi Irwin to Judge Judy for being a little bitch, getting my ass on Intervention, and the list goes on and on and on.
Ok, business as usual.
Nowhere but up!
-IBBB
05
I Would Like a Timeless Picture of Me Used…in the Unlikely Event….
Dear Loyal and Bipolar Readers,
I’ve been thinking. I’ve decided that in the unlikely event I were to ever go missing, or a boat I’m on flips over, or I get kidnapped by Kelly Cutrone, or I pull an Amelia Earhart, or I get locked in a trunk, or I get tossed off a cruise ship, etc I would please like someone to use the above picture that I drew of myself to send to the news outlets, online sources, and tacked onto telephone poles throughout your city.
This is all quite simple, you see. This photo that I’ve created is timeless. It’s simple. Sure I have olive colored nose and hands, but that’s besides the point. Anyone notice that picture of Chandra Levy that CNN keeps showing? Yeah, it’s like attack of the 90’s. I don’t want that done to me. I don’t want to go missing and have my parents send CNN a picture of me from 6th grade with lasers shooting behind me in the background. The photo I’ve created is much better and when I’m finally found, I won’t be embarrassed. It’s a real win-win. I don’t think there are any holes in this plan. Plus, how much are “the kids” going to love it when that picture is on the back of every milk carton this side of the Mason-Dixon (no idea where that is).
Thank you all, in advance, for your cooperation.
Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB (both the real and cartoon version)
05
Welcome to the New IBBB. Take a Craptastic Look Around!
Hi all (and y’all),
Welcome to the new and exciting IBBB! Ok, it’s new, but it’s not exciting. Either way, this is the new home of ImBringingBloggingBack. It even smells a little new. Kinda like that new car smell that people pretend they like, but actually makes them sick. Well, this site will hopefully make you sick.
I like to say that this site is “more please to the eye.” It’s an industry term. Here you’ll find the same crap that you found before, but with a few bells and whistles. For example, you can click on the “share this” button at the bottom of each blog post and submit my brilliant stories to places like: Digg, Facebook, Yahoo! Buzz, StumbleUpon, Myspace, etc. Wouldn’t you feel wonderful about yourself if you were submitting your favorite stories across the Interwebs? Help me sell out, skanks!
Oh, and I get to do that “word cross-out” thing that some of the other blogs do that is insanely annoying, but I always thought was kinda funny is really joyous. See what I did there?
Ok folks, so update your links to my site, tell your friends, update your bookmarks, update your myspace, update your facebook, write your local congressman and have a look around.
Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB
03
IBBB Named in Top 100 Blogs by GiveMeMyRemote!
05
Happy Belated New Year, etc and etc. Plus, etc.
Happy Belated New Year to all the IBBB readers and those of you who accidentally ended up here. Welcome and goodbye, all at the same time. I enjoyed some much needed time off from my “real” work and got to enjoy the majority of the month with my family and friends in Boston. Nothing grounds you and recharges you more than that. It was a great time home.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
10
What’s Old is New!
I love that we live in a world where important people are given a second chance and by “important people” I actually mean “people of celebrity status.” What’s old is new. What was once a scandal is, again, a scandal. Bands are reuniting to make a buck. Old shows are back, but with a twist. A mother of Nicky and Alex is allowed to act again. Sports rivals are back fighting it out 20 years later. For me, all seems right with the world.
Aunt Becky, Donna Martin, and Kelli Taylor are all in the new 90210 and given a second chance at their acting life. All these people seemed so old to me when I was little and watching them on TV and now it seems as I’ve somehow caught up with them.
These people, bands, rivalries, scandals were all given another chance. Everyone deserves their second chance. For me, the message is to never give up because you never know when that door is going to reopen. Who knows, I could be still blogging another 20 years from now, but I will still be trying to knock down every door I come across. Hell, if Angela Bower can do it, so can I. If Jesse Spano can bounce back from Saved by the Bell and Showgirls, there’s hope for me. Thanks 90’s pop culture! You’re inspirational!
08
That Dentyne Ice, Rock of Love Commercial
30
The Soup: My 14 Year Old Girl Moment
So by now you know I’m out in LA for a few days hunting Olsen Sluts (who are apparently in NYC this week…son-of-a-b#@!), but last night I got to live out (sorta) my dream. If you’re a regular reader of this site you know that I’ve been watching The Soup (Talk Soup) on E! since the show started about 10 years ago. It’s my calling in life (next to making the Greenhouse Effect even worse). Anyway, a good friend of mine, Lauren, who I now moved to the #2 spot on my Myspace (I know!) got me and her into a taping of The Soup last night!24
Operation Sellout I’m a Background Person
I’d like to provide an update on “Operation Sellout.” It’s going very well. I have achieved a major goal of mine: Being a Background Person. Check that right off the list. About a month ago I was walking around Bryant Park in NYC during Fashion Week and was hot on Carrie Underwood’s trail. The paparazzi started to swarm and I knew that this was my chance to become “a background person.” Well there I am! A background person. These photos were actually posted over at ImNotObsessed just the other day. The girl I was with that day was reading another site (sacrilegious) and she spotted me! Brilliant!
I’m hoping that US Weekly starts a new segment called, “Background People, They’re Just Like Us!” I’ll start. I’m a background person, I’m just like you! I stalk celebrities with my camera phone in one hand and my coffee in the other. I’m just like you, I clearly dress like a lumberjack. I’m just like you, I’m an idiot. See? That was easy. See you in the pages of Us Weekly!
Special Note to the following people: The Olsen Sluts, Dina Lohan, Tyra Banks, Jennifer Aniston. If you see that face (in the photo above) coming towards you while walking the streets of NYC, do me a favor, just let me put you in a headlock and let’s call it a day. Don’t make me have to chase you. Thanks, in advance, for your cooperation.
01
IBBB Goes to "El Hospital"
21
…In Other News…
~ Sex in the City Won’t Die ~ CelebritySmack
~ Paris To Hang With Drunken Skanks? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Kim Kardashian’s Ass to Do Playboy ~ DListed
~ Britney Takes Shit-Brick Shopping ~ EvilBeet
~ Alicia Silvertstone Shows Her Vagina For a Good Cause ~ FatBack
~ Breaking News: Hayden Walks a Dog ~ NinjaDude
~ Britney Song MashUp ~ PopBytes
~ Amy Winehouse Won a MOBO ~ POTP
~ Nancy O’Dell Whore Out Her Baby ~ DirtyDisher
~ Jolie’s Kids Dressed For Winter ~ Allie
~ Kristin Davis With Child? ~ Yeeeah
