More Mindless Stories on ‘mary kate olsen’
Dec
01
01
Who in the Holy Hell Knocked Up My Little Olsen? Please Leave Me Your Name.
Sing along if you know the tune:
“My little Olsen, pregnant Olsen,
I love to brush your Tanner-like hair.
My little Olsen, knocked up Olsen,
I can’t take you anywhere.”
Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen is allegedly “with child.” Have mercy! This is all according to the National Enquirer because the Olsen in question is said to have gained weight lately that has her tipping the scales at 102 pounds. I shit you not. That’s really what they’re basing this on. Couldn’t she just be off the crack…not pregnant?
Oh Jesus. Papouli must be rolling over in his grave. Oppa!
Oct
29
29
The Olsen’s Sign Copies of "I’m the Cute One" in New York City
Oh, no? That’s not what they were signing? Well thank Jesus Claus I didn’t end up calling in sick from work to go see The Olsen’s because I almost considered it. My friend thankfully alerted me that both Olsen Sluts were going to hold a public signing at Barnes and Noble in NYC and I just assumed it was a signing of their old single, “I’m the Cute One,” but it wasn’t. They were signing copies of their new coffee table book, “Influence.” How old are these two now? Are they signing with crayons?
Then to make matters worse, PETA was outside of the book signing not only protesting The Olsen Sluts, but they also kinda stole my nickname for them. See the picture below? Yeah, that’s PETA calling them the Olsen Tramps. I’ve put a call into my lawyer to see if I have options.
Oct
22
22
Michelle Tanner Got Her License?
Well will ya look at that! Michelle Tanner finally got her license. You totally know when she passed her driving exam her instructor let her know that she passed by saying, “You got it, dude” and then handing her her license. Michelle better realize that driving is a privilege and not a big joke just like her big sister DJ thought it was when DJ, Kimmy Gibbler, and Stephanie all got out of the car when it was at a stoplight and started running around it. Technically that’s called a Chinese Fire Drill, but something makes me think that they didn’t call it that on Full House. Anyhouse, the crew gets locked out of the car and Danny has to come and help them. Lesson learned. So Michelle Tanner better not pull that crap or she won’t be sleeping in her big girl bed tonight. Moshi Moshi dude!
Moving on, an indistinguishable Olsen was spotted leaving Orso (the restaurant) in LA yesterday with her boooooooyfriend. Ohhhhhhhhhh! Woooooooooooooooo! (Full House audience reaction sounds).
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
Aug
27
27
A Hitch-Hiking Gutter Olsen Slut
How come there’s never a hitch-hiking gutter Olsen Slut on the side of the road when I’m driving by? Life is so unfair. I blame the terrorists, global warming, and the underground railroad for this. Anyhouse, an indistinguishable Olsen was sporting her best Danny Tanner button-down flannel shirt as she was leaving a Radiohead concert at the Hollywood Bowl in LA the other day.
Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Tanner-Gibbler-Olsen tried to quickly wave off the paparazzi in hopes that they’d mistake her for Wilson from Home Improvement. I don’t think so, Tim.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
Aug
18
18
An Olsen Does Stuff, Like Walking, For Example
An indistinguishable Olsen was walking the streets of NYC with her friends over the weekend. It’s was only about 80 degrees this weekend in the Big Orange, so it clearly makes sense the Olsen in question was wearing black boots and a flannel shirt wrapped around her Tanner-like waist. Supposedly the dude to the left of said Olsen is supposed to be her boyfriend. I’m not convinced. I’m pretty sure that dude in the flannel shirt and 4th of July hat is actually Samantha Ronson.
Seriously don’t mess with this crew. If I was walking down the street and saw them I would very politely ask them why they were dressed like f’ing a-holes. That’s ok, right?
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
