Who in the Holy Hell Knocked Up My Little Olsen? Please Leave Me Your Name.

Sing along if you know the tune: “My little Olsen, pregnant Olsen,I love to brush your Tanner-like hair. My little Olsen, knocked up Olsen,I can’t take you anywhere.” Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen is allegedly “with child.” Have mercy! This is all according to the National Enquirer because the Olsen in question is said to have gained weight lately [...]

The Olsen’s Sign Copies of “I’m the Cute One” in New York City

Oh, no? That’s not what they were signing? Well thank Jesus Claus I didn’t end up calling in sick from work to go see The Olsen’s because I almost considered it. My friend thankfully alerted me that both Olsen Sluts were going to hold a public signing at Barnes and Noble in NYC and I [...]

Michelle Tanner Got Her License?

Well will ya look at that! Michelle Tanner finally got her license. You totally know when she passed her driving exam her instructor let her know that she passed by saying, “You got it, dude” and then handing her her license. Michelle better realize that driving is a privilege and not a big joke just [...]

A Hitch-Hiking Gutter Olsen Slut

How come there’s never a hitch-hiking gutter Olsen Slut on the side of the road when I’m driving by? Life is so unfair. I blame the terrorists, global warming, and the underground railroad for this. Anyhouse, an indistinguishable Olsen was sporting her best Danny Tanner button-down flannel shirt as she was leaving a Radiohead concert [...]

An Olsen Does Stuff, Like Walking, For Example

An indistinguishable Olsen was walking the streets of NYC with her friends over the weekend. It’s was only about 80 degrees this weekend in the Big Orange, so it clearly makes sense the Olsen in question was wearing black boots and a flannel shirt wrapped around her Tanner-like waist. Supposedly the dude to the left [...]

Wait, There Really are 2 Olsen’s?

Stop the f’n press. There really are 2 Olsen’s? I always assumed it was like the Michael/Janet Jackson thing. I guess I just assumed there was 1 Olsen who played the role of 2. Hmm. Interesting. Anyway, the above photo is from the Olsen Sluts new book called, Influence, which will be available to buy [...]

An Olsen vs. Spencer Pratt? It’s like “Sophie’s Choice” for Me!

What does one do when their two favorite worlds collide? You first pray to your Santa and then you write a letter to your Jesus. That’s what I do and it always seems to provide me with a sense of peace. An indistinguishable Olsen and Spencer Pratt are getting into a bit of a faux-fight [...]

Meet Olsenkowasaki!

I’ve been hitting the Olsen lottery lately! An indistinguishable Olsen was at The Cinema Society and Sony Cierge Host a Screening of “The Wackness” the other night. Who cares, right? Exactly. Except this is one of the best Mary-Michelle-Ashely-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen sightings of ALL time, for me, because this Olsen is dressed all Japanese and stuff AND [...]

Hey That’s My Olsen!

What a great way to start my Monday! I’m not sure how old these are, but here are some killer photos of an indistinguishable Olsen from someones party that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden also attended. Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen had on a traditional Winehouse headpiece that I believe is native to the land called “England.” The Olsen [...]

Don’t Sass Me, Unidentifiable Olsen!

Why you sassy little Olsen bitch, you. Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen was recently interviewed by Elle Magazine and I don’t like her attitude one bit! I’ll wash that little Olsen mouth out with soap! Ok, well it wasn’t that bad but I still have dreams of sticking a bar of soap in Olsen mouth. Anytanner, Elle asked the [...]