More Mindless Stories on ‘mariah carey’
18
Mariah Carey Wanted to Remind You She Has Boobs at the Golden Globes
Similar to knowing that Audrina has teeth, Heidi has a chin, Paula Abdul has meds, Tyra has a high opinion of herself, and Snooki has a tan, Mariah Carey has boobs y’all…and she wants to remind us this every chance she gets. This time, the chance to remind us was at the 2010 Annual Golden Globes last night on the red carpet. With her hair slicked back and Nick Cannon holding her umbrella for her whilst she chatted with the press, Mariah Carey was all boobs and “dahhlings” in every mini-interview she gave.
While talking with elf-like Ryan Seacrest, Mariah was called “subtle” as her rack was being held up with some dress material and a little hope. The singer/actress (yowza) was there to show her support for the cast of “Precious” and hopeful to take part in the an overall win for the Best Dramatic Film (which didn’t happen). When Ryan Seacrest teased Mariah like a 14 year old school girl about being a little tipsy at some previous award shows, she didn’t miss the opportunity to tell him about her new champagne line that’s out now called, “Angel.” Of course, she would call it that. How old does she need to be before she stops liking things like “pink” and “butterflies” and “angels” and “charm bracelets?”
07
Mariah Carey Drunk is the Best Mariah Carey Personality Yet
I’m really hoping that “drunk celebrities” are the new “dead celebrities” for 2010. Mariah Carey, who has been rumored to be pregnant consecutively since 1997, was awarded “Best Breakthrough Actress” at the Palm Springs Film Festival for her role in the movie “Precious“ and when she swung up on stage let’s just say that Slurry McSlurrerson entertained me more than that one time she passed out ice cream at TRL and then lapsed into a breakdown the following day. Oh, allegedly.
Watching, hearing, listening, seeing, experiencing Mariah Carey any other way than drunk is just stupid. She kinda turned into that girl at the party that’s blind drunk looking out of one eye with her arm around your shoulder and slurring, “I love you. Comehere Iloveyou. Comehere. No! You don’t get it! Youdon’t get it. Youdon’tgetit. No, you don’t loveme. No you…………………………………………………………………………..don’t. Youdon’t.” And cue the vomiting and cue her friends carrying her out by her arms and legs. End scene.
11
What’s Up With the Mariah Carey “I’m Taking a Dump” Pose Lately?
I’m not sure, really. There were rumors since 1997 that Mariah Carey is pregnant, but I think it only takes 9-months to shoot out a baby. Simple math explains to me that Mariah has not been pregnant for the entire 12 years. Anyway, Mariah was all awkward bent-over poses while on the red carpet that the Halo Awards in Washington DC the other day.
As a sidenote, I saw Mariah on Regis and Kelly yesterday and when asked about the talent that is Gabby Sidibe from “Precious” Mariah spoke of how good of friends they were and then Kelly Ripa asked Mariah how to pronounce Gabby’s last name and Mariah acknowledged that she didn’t know how to say her “friends” last name. She continued by informing us that she’s not good with names, dates, people’s birthdays, and time. So basically if given a test, Mariah would have to stay back in 1st Grade.
20
Mariah Carey Turns On the Christmas Lights and Turns Up the Cameltoe
Mariah Carey was in jolly ole’ England yesterday at the Westfield Shopping Center in London to give a little “pip-pip” and turn on their Christmas lights for them. Touching. More importantly, Mariah was turning up her Christmas cameltoe, perhaps a first for the cameltoe society. Seeing these photos reminded me that we haven’t played the “ImBringingBloggingBack Cameltoe Rating System….to the Stars!” in a while. So, here go!
As you know the rules, I can award up to 5 camels. This time around, IBBB has awared Mariah with 3 out of 5 camels, paritally because we’re in a recession and I’m feeling generous and partly because it appears that her cameltoe may actually be busting her zipper and, well, that deserves a game all of its own. Check out some of the additional Mariah photos below and see if you can spot a little ghost boobs action!
06
Mariah is Pregnant With a Butterfly Baby Wearing a Tube Top
Second in line to the official “There’s going to be a ‘Friends’ reunion” rumor, the official “Mariah Carey is with child” rumor has been making its rounds again. Jeesh, just because an older woman who wears the clothes of a 19 year old Fly Girl and has been prancing around with her boobs falling out and her ass sticking out so you can’t really see her full stomach does NOT mean she’s having a baby.
I also don’t believe that she’d go to this magazine and say “I’m going to be a mom.” I believe she’d go to the magazine and say, “Hey lambs I’m carrying a butterfly lamb. Try it on me!” She would then do that “scream yell” that she ends every song with that she’s ever sang.
In closing, if Mariah Carey is pregnant, (1) where are the receipts? (2) you know she’s going to name the baby something like “Princess Baby Bottoms” or “Diamonds” or “Precious.” (3) she will still be wearing 12 inch heels while she carts her fat ass around NYC and will also give birth in them…and on them.
Congratulations?
18
Someone is About to Lose Their Job…and Possibly Their Life
Who DARE force Mariah Carey to hold her own umbrella whilst on the red carpet like she is some wild animal…or a cave person!?!? Not only will someone be losing their job over this, I’m sure, but I’m confident that someone will also be losing their life and my guess is that they will die by a horrific umbrella beating. Visualize Britney with the green umbrella beating the bag out of the SUV a couple years ago, but substitute Mariah for Britney and the green umbrella with a black umbrella….and a lot of butterfly jewelry…and a whole-lotta boobage. See how that works?
Anyglitter, Mariah and her rack trotted the red carpet in Cannes (fitting) at the premiere of her new movie “Little Precious.” There is already some Oscar buzz around Mariah’s role in the movie. Ok, I made that part up. Let’s start a rumor.
04
I’m Confused. Are There 2 Grammy Awards on This Year?
What happened to television? It seems like all that’s on anymore is reality shows and television specials. Bring back 227 for Christ sakes! Last night I thought the Grammy Awards was on. They weren’t. It was an hour long “live” special in which there were performances by randoms and then they would announce who was nominated for the Grammy Awards in question. Didn’t they used to announce these at like 8 in the morning?
30
Newsworthy Statements from Mariah Carey. Thanks US Weekly!
Leave it to US Weekly to get the hard hitting entertainment stories. I am sad to report that as of Thursday, October 30th in the year of 2008, Mariah Carey and her husband are still undecided on a Halloween costume. I know. Give me a minute to pick up the pieces of my shattered existence. Although there is a glowing light at the end of this dark tunnel. You see, Mariah and Nick are considering being either sexy firefighters, Egyptians, or chocolate chip cookies. What wonderful choices. How ’bout Mariah just goes as something really spooky….like her actual age. Ohhhh! Stop me if ya heard it before! Tip your waitress. Try the veal! End scene.
23
We Get it Mariah, You Like Pink and Purple…Pink and Purple Slutty Clothes
The newly married Mariah Carey tied up her boobs, stole a skirt from her Bratz doll, and headed over to TRL to visit “the kids” in the audience and promote the hell out of her album. Sure she looks good, but you know if she wasn’t famous she’d just be that chick at the local city bar that is almost 40 and dressing like that, thinking she looks good, and ends up going home with the 55 yr old dude who probably also dabbles a little in the Mafia and owns a couple of dry cleaners that have slot machines that pay out in the back room. Yeah. That’s totally it.
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10
A Step Up From Her "Honey" Onesie
Ok I need to guys to stay with me for a second. Does anyone see a slight resemblance of Mariah to Kathy Lee Gifford with a tan? I’m owning it. I’m sticking with that. Anyway, Mariah Carey was filming new scenes from her next video, “I’ll Be Lovin’ You Long Time.” No really, it’s called that. I can’t wait for Japan to lose their shit over that! They’ll probably be so mad they’ll barely be able to focus on crashing their cars and buying an excessive amount of Hello Kitty crap. Oh I don’t care.
28
Mariah Allowed to Play Baseball
Mariah threw out the first pitch at Japan’s baseball game between the Yomiuri Giants and the Rakuten Eagles in Tokyo. I’m pretty sure the Japanese baseball fans saw Mariah and assumed the Hello Kitty came to life. I think it’s official that Mariah has become an actual caricature of herself. She’s a complete goon, dressed like a $2 dollar whore (who does $5 dollar sucky sucky) and throws like a girl. In an ironic twist all three pitching poses above are actually 3 of Mariah’s best dance moves. If you edit out the baseball you wouldn’t know if she were throwing a pitch or filming one of her horrific music videos. 25
Mariah F’s Up on Good Morning America
23
Mariah Celebrates #1 By Dressing 16
Mariah left her NYC apartment the other day dressed like a futuristic farmer in heat (no clue). At what age do you stop dressing like this? I assumed 17, but I could be wrong. Anyway, Mariah has achieved first week sales of 475K, which is an all time high record for Mariah in her first week. Leona Lewis came in a close second with 90K. Ohhh so close. I could have sold more than that. In fact I’m going to start myself up an one of those albums and see how it does. I’ll sing into my tape recorder and ask The Hills to play the song and then I’ll put it on iTunes. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll show you Leona. I’ll show you Mariah. I’ll show all of you! 18
Mariah Isn’t the Whore I Thought She Was
Mariah Carey disappointed me, again. Look, I’ve always assumed she was a pain in the ass and that seems to hold true, but I always thought Mariah was a big slam-pig-whore too. Apparently, she isn’t. Why even go on, you ask? Well, I’m holding out for another Mariah breakdown and I’m sure that increases the chances of her “going to skank.” We’ll see. Fingers crossed.
Anyway, Mariah is on the cover of Allure Magazine and there’s a ridiculous interview inside. The topics Mariah covers is people thinking she’s a ditz, Mariah never having a one-night stand, Mariah having 3 personal assistants, Mariah being Mary Poppins, Mariah having low self esteem, Mariah losing arm fat, and more! Check out a little bit of the non-whorey craziness:
“It’s a dichotomy, I understand. I understand that people think I’m a ditsy moron.”
And don’t let Carey’s short skirts fool you!
“I’m Mary Poppins: I’m what the button-up girls are supposed to be.”
Despite her micro-mini skirt from Saturday Night Live this weekend, she sees herself as
“eternally 12.”
“I’ve always had really low self-esteem, and I still do. What’s weird about that is being onstage, and the love that you get, and the adoration that you feel from your real fans. It’s hard for a partner to compete – just imagine.”
Carey, who’s newest single, “Touch My Body,” is on track to become her 18th No. 1 single — tying her with the Beatles for having the most chart-toppers — also says she’s never had a one-night stand and considers herself a “freakin’ prude.”
Check out the rest Here
25
Mariah is Technically Frolicking
You may remember the picture of Mariah Carey with her boobs to the wind a few weeks ago on the beach, but now even more pictures of Mariah have been released. I believe these are photos of Mariah technically frolicking on the beach. More people should frolic and should say frolic. Anyway, Mariah is looking really good. There are rumors floating around that Mariah dabbles in cocaine everyone once in a while, but I say good for her. If it keeps the weight off then that’s just a diet plan that works for her. Maybe Kirstie Alley wouldn’t have to start up her own diet program if she just got back into coke. Just a thought.
