More Mindless Stories on ‘marc anthony’
Aug
16
16
J Lo to Continue Ruining Music, Live.
Fresh off the heels of her “hit” movie El Cantante, Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx and her husband Marc “turrets” Anthony have decided to join forces once again and go on tour again. They’re like the Tim McGraw and Faith Hill for those of us who look forward to blood shooting out of our ears. They will be performing 14 concerts in very fancy places such as Atlantic City, New Jersey, and then will close out the show in Miami. More than likely J Glow will just be singing “Waiting for Tonight” on repeat. You could probably save a few bucks if you buy it as an iTune and then have you’re little sister lip sync to it. Sure she won’t have the same dance moves as Saint Jennifer, but you’ll experience the same euphoria as being right there at the concert.
In even better Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx news, she will be release yet another CD on October 9th, but this time it’s in English. Great, thanks. The CD will be titled “Brave” and I think that really says a lot. However, I think it really speaks to how brave the record labels are to continue to give her money to make “music.” Hopefully the CD will also consist of various remixes of “Waiting for Tonight.”
Apr
24
24
Party with Saint Jennifer for $2 Million
Have you ever wanted to share a beer with Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx? Well it’s your lucky day because now you can! Oh, you just happen to need $2 million (that’s US Dollars, not Yen) and you too can get your very own personalized J. Glow. It’s been reported by drunken sources that “the simple girl from the Bronx” is getting paid $2 million to sing at a 30th birthday party that a Russian rich dude is throwing for his wife. See, you can buy love.This Russian retard, Andrei Melnichenko, is reported to be worth $5 billion and wants to give his wife, model Aleksandra and her 60 guests a night to remember. What better way to do that than watch J. Glow lipsync to her own songs right in your own living room. Oh, and I called him a “retard” because I’m jealous that he’s rich. Yup, I admit it. How you like me now?
Let’s face it, I want to party with Saint Bronx. Lo too. However I don’t have $2 million. What I do have is $15.00 in my wallet PLUS a Dunkin Donuts gift card that still has about $4.00 on it. If I give that to J. Glow, do you think I could at least afford to have her read me some lines from Gigli? I hope so. At the last maybe she can ship out her mom, Lupe Lopez, and Lupe can show me some dance moves or something. We’ll see.
These photos were taken while Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx was with her petite husband, Marc Anthony, at Top Shop, shopping a storm? Yeah, I have no idea what Top Shop is. And you know what, I don’t want to know.
Mar
12
12
Saint Jennifer Lopez Going Solo?
Ay de mi! Is Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx going solo? Random drunken insiders to the couple are saying that J. Glow and Marc Anthony are dealing with some bumpy times after they got into a fight on New Years Eve. One random source has said, “There was a fight after she performed at the Super Bowl.” Now I think that’s just wrong. And, what I mean by that is that “performed” should have been in quotes. Wouldn’t a Jennifer Lopez “performance” really be like a karaoke event?
Why is this awkwardly matched couple potentially on the outs? Well, the rumors are flying that the issue has to do with J. Glow pushing off pregnancy. I think the world really needs some little J. Glow minions. Eventually they could be her back up singers. Technically they would be the real singers. When Saint Jennifer’s reps were contacted the rep said, “they’re fine.” Yup, that’s convincing.
Feb
16
16
Saint Jennifer Lopez a Scientologist?
Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx may need a name change because the rumor police are telling us that Jennifer Lopez and petite husband, Marc Anthony, are in the process of becoming full-on Scientologists….da-da-duuuun! Allegedly, Marc Anthony is already taking his “purifcation classes” which I can only assume will make him look less oily. Actually, the purification consists of a sauna that “cures” all illnesses. Uh, yeah…that’s actually just called a sauna. No “purification” needed. I hope this isn’t true as I don’t want to be forced to rename Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx to “Xenu Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx.” It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
In other J Glow news, her film “Bordertown” has received less than stellar reviews. One critic even called it, “several sprockets short of a real film.” Ouch. Instead of “Bordertown” they should just name it “Gigli 2: The Bronx Boogaloo.” The above photos were taken at the promotion of “Bordertown” at the 57th Berlin International Film Festival.
Jan
17
17
The Most Expensive Celebrity Clown Car
Beep Beep! Here comes the talentless mobile! I never knew that a car actually existed that could fit all of my least favorite celebrities. No joke, after the Golden Globes party, one of their cars broke down so the following people all had to squeeze into one car: Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx (rode shotgun, of course), Poshtoria Spice, Marc Anthony, Katie Holmes, and Tom Cruise. Tom rode bitch, go figure. I can’t even imagine what the conversation must have been. I’m sure Saint Jennifer Lopez put in her “Jenny from the block” CD, while Tom tried to convert the entire backseat to Scientology. Meanwhile, the driver must have fought with his thoughts of crashing the car and putting an end to his misery. Who Shot That Car Load of Talent!?!
