More Mindless Stories on ‘lindsay lohan’
10
Hey Lindsay? Georgia Rule: You’re Not Getting $100 Million
Sounds like someones freckles are dangerously close to her brain. Lindsay Lohan is very mad and she’s not going to take it any more. I mean she’ll forget all about this as soon as she sees a shiny silver object, but in the meantime she’s very mad. According to the NY Post, Lindsay Lohan is suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that a boyfriend-stealing, “milkaholic” baby in its latest commercial — who happens to be named Lindsay — was modeled after her. And she wants $100 million for her pain and suffering.
According to Lindsay’s lawyer, who I’ll just assume is Perry Mason, said that Lindsay has the same singular name recognition as Oprah or Madonna….or Syphilis. Ok, I made that last one up. And, since this ad was seen by 15 planets filled with people during the Super Bowl and the winter Olympics, Lindsay is looking for $50 million in exemplary damages and $50 million in compensatory damages. Or, as a way the lawyer probably had to explain it in terms that Linds could understand, “$2.25 per freckle.”
E-Trade could not be reached for comment. However, if I worked for E-Trade my comment would be, “Lindsay. Get a job. Georgia Rule!”
10
Jesus Christ it’s Lindsay H. Lohan!
I mean as if Lindsay No Pants doesn’t have enough reasons why she’s going to burn in the fiery pits of hell, she can now add this to the list: Posing Like Jesus Dying on the Cross with Modern Version of Crown of Thorns for Magazine Cover. Check, check, and check!
Lindsay Lohan shot the cover for French (blah) magazine, “Purple Fashion” in which photographer Terry Richardson shot Lindsay (sadly not literally) as Jesus (you know, from the Bible) with arms stretched out and a small crown of thorns. Seriously even I feel the Catholic guilt for looking at this photo. I didn’t mean it Jesus, I didn’t mean it! Lindsay as Jesus on the cross today and next thing you know Noah Cyrus is posing on the cover of Highlights Magazine as the Virgin Mary getting impregnated by the Holy Ghost! Where’s the line, people, where’ the line? No really, let me know because I’m almost certain I’ve crossed it.
04
Oh That Lindsay Lohan! She’s Still Turning the Tables on the Paparazzi Like a Beat Down Knock Knock Joke.
Apparently we found exactly where in the world Carmen Sandiego is. The answer? West Hollywood, CA. Riddle solved. Finally! Lindsay Lohan, the Dina Lohan of our generation, decided to have some lame fun with the paparazzi who were taking pictures of her by….wait for it……wait for it….wait for it….scrub your freckles……wait for it…..took pictures of the paparazzi. Oh that Lindsay! Quite the innovative thinker.
Lindsay, who looks like she leaves a ring around the bath tub, may be heading back to real work soon if E! Online is correct in reporting that she may be teaming up with Lady Gaga for a duet. Producer Rodney Jerkins told E!, “I can pair them up. I would love it. I would love to see what happens.”
Uh. I’ll tell you what will happen. Lady Gaga will end up with a drinking and drug problem and will probably grow a freckle body suit and, well, no one needs that. Not me, not you, not Gaga, not Linds, and certainly not the American public. Something tells me that Lady Gaga may not agree to this. I’m thinking we have a better chance of seeing Gaga duet with the ghost of Nell Carter. In fact, I’m praying for it now.
18
Lindsay Lohan Looks….Wait For It….Wait For It…..”Decent” at the Golden Globes
I mean sure she was dressed like the person who controls the guillotine in Robin Hood, but Lindsay Lohan actually looked like she wasn’t about to collapse or implode while at the 2010 InStyle Golden Globes after-party in Beverly Hills last night. So, good for her. She should always wear a hood like ET in disguise.
Channeling her inner Grace Jones (except the orangier version) Lohan was said to be in great spirits and out to celebrate with the winners and losers at the Beverly Hilton Hotel until the wee hours of the morning. Others in attendance were Sandra Bullock, Cameron Diaz, Robert Downey Jr, and Courtney Cox.
04
Lindsay Lohan’s Bikini Must Stink Like a BINGO Hall
Lindsay No Pants was feeling easy, breezy, smokey, and beautiful whilst on a yacht (that I’ll assume she’s cleaning to made ends meet) in St Barth’s around New Year’s Eve. Holding a cigarette over the railing of the boat like a skank in heat, Lindsay tossed her hair back in the cancer filled wind and posed for a photo opportunity that she would soon post to her Twitter account.
So what is Lindsay’s New Year resolution you ask (crickets, crickets, crickets)? Well Linds Tweeted,
“To answer everybody’s question…My new years resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down.” She later tweeted, “2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits, and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!?
”
Yikes, hopefully she tacked on quitting smoking and stop using so many exclamation points, question marks, and sidewards smiley faces to her future resolutions.
28
When Did Lindsay and Ali Lohan Turn Into the Olsen Twins?
Like a fresh morning dew on a brand new day, Lindsay Lohan, Ali Lohan, and Ginger Lohan all took part in some holiday family bonding while at the Rangers game in NYC over the weekend. When I saw the first photo of all three “kids” yelling I assumed they were just around the Lohan family dinner table on Christmas, but then quickly realized that I had to be wrong as I typically picture Dina Lohan doing dances all around the table while spinning her extensions all over the dining room. The kids would laugh and cheer and Michael Lohan would be hiding right outside the window with a tape recorder, telescopic camera, and a production assistant from Inside Edition. Well that’s at least how I picture a Lohan family Christmas.
Anyfreckles, when in the F did Linds and Ali turn into the Olsen Twins? I’ll assume that would make the little brother, Schecky Olsen, yes?
19
Fun With Lindsay Lohan’s Myspace! Humans Are Creepy.
That’s right boys, girls, and those who have both a pee pee and a wee wee, it’s time to check in on Lindsay Lohan and see just how she’s doing on Myspace and, more importantly, how her “fans” are doing. Why Lohan’s Myspace page isn’t the next location for “To Catch a Predator” is beyond me. No joke, I think I’m going to track these people down and make a citizens arrest. Anyfreckles, Lindsay wanted everyone to know that they can follow her on her newer Twitter account. I learned a lot. I learned that people like to type the following words a lot: Wut Up LINZ!, HaTeRz, Do U!, LOLZ, and J/K. I also learned that people are still nuts. Below are handful of my favorite responses to Lindsay:
~ Yeah Mike, you totally have known Linds for a long time especially because she’s probably tied up in the trunk of your ‘85 Oldsmobile as I type this. And, you have a point. Being Myspace friends with someone you don’t really know really is an honor. You should get down on your knees every day and thank Jesus that someone who is running Lindsay’s Myspace page clicked “accept” to your friend request. Oh, and you should also untie her and let her out of your trunk.
~ This guy was so creeptastic that I’ve decided to also include his picture. Hopefully this will save him the time of being lawfully obligated to introduce himself to all of his neighbors. Something tells me that “Linds” isn’t missing him. I also fear for Lindsay during her “alone time” with Lorne, especially since he is missin her “*****”, & “***”, & beautiful ****!” Should I assume the last “****” is “arms?” Oh wait, I got it. He should have added “********” – freckles. Calling the cops, Lorne, calling the cops.
~ Alright apparently we have someone from the KKK here. It’ nice that they’ve taken their hate to the Myspace world. Also, why do people just add “…” in between actual letters of words? I guess it’s because this guy is a natural redhead too and that i..n rare. Seriously, is this supposed to get a response from Lindsay? Like she’s going to write him back and be like, “Oh my God, you’re a natural redhead too? Wanna come over so we can discuss that?” Fa….il.
~ Sweet, yet another perv! I’m sure if this d-bag was 30 years younger he would have a chance with Lindsay. And I’m sure she would accept all your love and “kiss” too. And what “good work” should Lindsay be keeping up? Not falling down? Even spray-tan blending? Tweeting? I’m confused.
~ Do people just blindly open up the dictionary, point to parts of words, and then just start typing? What does any of this even mean? Does it really take that much more time to type in the full word? I mean, in this case it still wouldn’t make any sort of sense, but at least it would show the effort. “An 4 twits mak a flok?” Huh? Is that some kind of Al Qaeda message to signal Jihad?
30
Lohan Looks Like She Leaves a Ring Around the Tub
Lindsay Lohan, accompanied by her freckles, was out and about shopping up a storm in LA over the weekend. Lindsay decided to break up her all black clothing streak and sport a white flannel-like shirt and t-shirt. Sexy? Nope. She couldn’t resist wearing her black leggings, though, that I bet smell like the basement of a church.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about Lindsay being broke, but she recently dropped $100,000 on a car and has been seen shopping all the live-long-day. So you know what I say to all those people starting rumors about Lindsay? I say “shut your mouth.” Sometime I just open up my window and yell “shut your mouth!” No one has the right to attack Lindsay because of her finances. No, people should only be judging Linds based on her freckles, bad orange tan lines, and stringy hair. Get some priorities, people, and get them now!
19
Don’t Tap the Glass, As the Animals May Become Agitated
Boo! Hiss! Boo! Lohan was heckled by some paparazzi as she left a medical building in LA yesterday, but that didn’t stop my little Lohan to yell back at the paparazzi. She’s a real life dream. She looks so rested and fresh and these photos of her yelling don’t make her seem the least bit crazy at all. I’m sure she was yelling at them such things as, “I have too many freckles!” and ” My leggings smell like a basement after a flood!” and my other favorite, “No, the carpet doesn’t match the drapes because I just took up the carpet and put down a linoleum floor.” What a treat!
27
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful
Wow! Look who looks all rested and fresh as a Spring morning! Lindsay Lohan looks wonderful. Sure her hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed in 4 weeks and is filled with knots. Sure it looks like she has a black eye. Sure her leggings look like they haven’t been washed in 2 weeks, have cat hair stuck to them, and smell like bowling shoes. Sure it appears that she’s down to the weight of a 5th grader. But she looks great otherwise!
Oh, and you know that Coke is like, “Uh, yeah can you not walk around with our product so much? I mean, we’re all in a recession and could use some help with sales, but you’re not really the demographic that we’re trying to reach.”
P.S –> Bring back Crystal Pepsi!
16
Freddie Kruger Tries to Kill My Little Lohan!
My little Lohan, orangey Lohan, I love to see your horses-mane hair.
Freddie Kruger and Freckly McOrange Freckle were reportedly walk-fighting whilst walking and fighting (hence the name) on the streets of New York City after Freddie Kruger’s sisters fashion show….that Whitney Port also attended. Of course the paparazzi were there to capture each magic moment. While we don’t know exactly what they were saying, I’m going to say the faux-fight went down like this:
Freddie Kruger: I have a “boys-regular” haircut and you have orange tan stains all over you.
Freckly McOrange Freckle: Your Kruger sweater smells like the basement of a church. I’m drunk.
Freddie Kurger: I’m high.
Freckly McOrange Freckle: Let’s be white-trash and fight on the street while we get our picture taken.
Freddie Kruger: I look like I stink like a fish wrapped in a week old newspaper.
Freckly McOrange Freckle: My mom’s a joke.
End scene.
02
Lohan Goes to Super Bowl Party Because Lesbians Love Football
12
Fun With Lindsay Lohan’s Myspace Blog: Everyone is Creepy
~ Dude, blowin the tree sounds like some risky behavior. Plus, what the hell are you talking about? Also, unless you’re a 7 year old girl signing her grandfather’s 75th birthday card please never sign things “oxoxoxox.”
~ I love when “the fans” turn on Lohan. I had a hard time fully understanding the insults due to the lack of any form of punctuation. The only time you should skip a period is if you’re pregnant. Wow, that was deep. I’m wicked smaaaaht.
~ Huh? Wait. What? Ummm. Huh? What was so “beautiful” about what Lohan wrote? I mean, when she said, “but i’m not so quick with myspace sometimes” that really was a pretty sentence. P.S Lindsay is kind of a baby, I guess.
~ Can I make a citizens arrest on this chick for possible stalking? I love knowing every little thing about you? Really? Yeah, that’s not creepy at all. I hope your parents aren’t looking over your shoulder when you type shit like this on the “family computer” in the living room while they’re watching Wheel of Fortune.
~ Well don’t you see seem like quite the dish. You have a song tattooed all over your body and you’re alone drinking a bottle of tequila all while sending one Ms. Lindsay Lohan a myspace message? Well the “personal ad” practically writes itself! Stop drinking. Thanks.
~ Yeah that sounds like an AWESOME idea. There’s nothing I’d like more than to hear Lohan butchering all my favorite songs. Plus, I’m sure Tyra Banks is in the process of doing this right now anyway.
17
Fun With Lindsay Lohan’s Myspace Blog: Happy HOliday’s Edition!
To freshen up the stale stank around here, IBBB is bringing back a new segment tentatively titled, “Fun With Lindsay Lohan’s Myspace Blog!” Catchy. When Lindsay No Pants blogs on her Myspace account people not only listen and comment, but all the freaks come out of the woodwork. The other day Lindsay wanted everyone to know what she got Sam Rotten for a gift.
~ Uh, they’re not married yet so “no.” Possibly one of my top favorite responses to Lohan.
~ Hey Emily! is this. your fave show. for real? Stop lying about watching all of them and then coming clean that you’ve only seen a lot. i also think you should get off of the myspace and focus on your studies.
~ But if you kill yourself who will send messages to Linds with “S” smiley faces? Fine, I’ll do it. Carry on. Disclaimer: Kids, don’t try that at home.
~ Yeah Hannah! And a huge bucket of greasy chicken! Mmmm late night movies and fried chicken. This, my friends is my 50% of Americans are obese. Please note, all percentages are based on opinion.
~ Yay! More funny messages! If only the person who posted below this person also was sending a fake message…….(see below)
~ Wow! Look who actually made the post list this time. And what a brilliant question to ask. I’ve always wondered if the “Friends” were really friends. I hope Linds answers. Oh, and how hot is IBBB? Wow. Grrrrrrreat! Please note I am totally a loser for posting that message and even more of a loser that I was so psyched when I saw it posted. My life is empty. Carry on.
~ Well thanks, Ms. LauRen, for being a complete downer. If talent really was only genetic then Dina Lohan would be in actual TV shows instead of dancing in reality shows during “Las Vegas Week.” Although, Nana Lohan is the talent in that family. It’s all a wash.
~ hahaah oh my God you were? hahahahaha I totally hope they kick it in the bay area hahahaha. Everythang it mellow there I bet hahaha. love u oRgaZmik pNay hahahahah.
15
Celebrities are Just Like Us! They Can Smoke in the Airport!
The 2 visions of pure beauty, Lindsay No Pants and Samantha Rotten are back from their tour of the cultural country called Miami. Linds and Sam were in Miami because Sam had to DJ (not Tanner) an event, but just 16 hours later they were heading back to Los Angeles. What a treat. Sam, of course, was dressed in her traditional Freddie Kruger sweater, which you know must have ring-around-the-collar by now. And Lindsay sported the same black leggings that must smell like a cat who’s recently been run over by a 16-seat yellow school bus and left for dead on the side of the road during a summer rain storm.
