More Mindless Stories on ‘lil kim’
04
Girls Makin’ Faces Like Ace Ventura….and my B.A.D G.I.R.L.S….
I think there is something wrong with my brain. There is no reason why I should be able to pull Lil Kim lyrics out of my ass at a moments notice. Between that and spewing out lines from Full House episodes, I have a disease. Anynose, I hardly ever watch Dancing With the Stars because (1) it pisses me off that Samantha Harris’ voice does not match her body (2) I hate when they do that hand thing up in the air and (3) the interviews in the “red room” make me suffer from second-hand embarrassment. I may, however, check out the new season because Lil Kim is going to literally dance her face off. Plus, the odds of her boobs falling out of her costume are at an all time high. Oh, and how can the judges not “judge” her when she used to sing songs about her “gentleman greeter?” I say, brilliant!
The photos above are from some behind the scenes crap interview that took place with Lil Kim and some dude with blond hair. I’m pretty sure he’s the brother of my other future wife, Julianne Hough. I’m telling you, if Lil Kim doesn’t make it at least 4 episodes I’m shouting “racist America” out my window.
11
Lil Kim Has Totally Toned Herself Down
Holy freak monster! Lil Kim is one step away from looking like a nun! What happened? She used to dress all provocative. Anyjiggle, Lil Kim performed a tune or two on stage at the Way Out West Music Festival in Sweden over the weekend. Sweden? I’m sure she didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. A sore thumb with huge fake boobs. A sore thumb with huge fake boobs and, just a guess, but a few STDs. Just a guess. Not based on fact. Just guesses. Educated guesses.
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03
Lil Kim’s Nose is Easy, Breezy, Beautiful
Lil Kim was at the CFDA Fashion Awards last night in NYC and it looks like she dug into her bucket of Mr Potato Head spare parts and gave herself a new nose. It definitely looks better than the other new nose she recently had was very Michael/LaToya Jackson-like. Who knew you could bounce back from something like that!? Lil Kim is actually looking a lot better these days with that new nose and normal eyebrows again. Also, can you remove cheek implants because, if so, I’m pretty sure those were taken out too. Wait, this actually might just be Kimora Lee Simmons. Nope, I double checked. It’s Lil Kim. Eh, good for her.
09
Lil Kim to Try Out For Sesame Street?
13
Lil Kim Parties Hard, Alone
One word: Yowza! And I don’t mean that in a good way. Lil Kim was hosting a party for her amigo Jay Cohen for his birthday. Now I get confused easily, as you know, so I first thought about all this stuff to say about Foxy Brown, but then I remembered this was Lil Kim. Did you know they are two separate people? Well, they are.
People are all psyched because she lost some weight and thinks she looks great. Seriously? Yeah, I’m going to pass thanks. If by good you mean “clown eyebrows” and white pit stains then “yes” she looks great. The eyebrows kinda remind me of the how one of my aunts use to have her eyebrows in the early 80’s. Yeah, we don’t talk to her anymore, but this picture was very reminiscent for me. As a side note, did she just draw on that mole? Sure it works for Cindy Crawford, but it doesn’t mean anyone can just do it.
By the way, that party looks like a real shitty time. First off, she’s eating by herself and “cheersing” herself. Later, she’s standing by herself. Awesome! What a freakin’ party animal. I think there really was no party and these pictures were taken in her basement. Who am I kidding? I totally would have gone.
