More Mindless Stories on ‘lauren conrad’

Got ‘Stache?

I mean, come on.  Every once in a while Jesus Claus throws a laugh my way and this is one of those times.  Lauren Conrad is probably the perfect person to be showing off her milk mustache, as I have been obsessed with her own mustache for what seems like years.  I hope they didn’t wax off her mustache just so that the milk mustache got top billing.  They could have just kept it and turned this into a chocolate milk ad, obviously.

Lauren Cockpig is promoting healthy drinking options with lowfat milk as a great way to still get your daily vitamins and calcium.  Ole!  And, most importantly, it’s a great way to sport a white Hitler mustache every morning because, you know, LC is like that.

In related news, I’m pretty sure Audrina was left with the same white stuff on her top lip after the casting process for The Hills.  Some say rumors, I say a hunch.  Got teef?

Oh Hey There Quitter!

The girl who will always be known as the girl who never went to Paris, Lauren Conrad, while dead to me is apparently alive to other people as she played host for the night at Bank nightclub inside the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas just the other day.  I’m still pissed at her for leaving The Hills as people like Stacie the Pointless Bartender and Jayde the Show Skank now get more camera time and continue to run that show further and further into the ground.  At this point the show should be falling through China.

While Lauren is celebrating the upcoming release of her latest book, “Sweet Little Lies” I’m not celebrating one bit as I’ve been quite busy searching for her mustache.  Perhaps it went to Paris?

P.S –>  Lindsay Lohan wants her dirty fake hair back.

Where’s WaldLO?

See what I did there?  Nice, right?  Layup joke.  Anyscript, it’s nice to see that LC and LO are still chums even though LC has abandon us as a country.  I thought the signs in the background truly represent what I consider these girls to be like.  First they’re all like, “Yeah, I’m open” and as soon as you try to take the next step they’re all like, “No trespassing!”  How rude!  It’s girls like these that keep the Ruffies business afloat.

Please send my hate mail to:

IBBB c/o IBBB
123 New York Street Apt 3,504
Anytown USA, 90210

Lauren Conrad Quits “The Hills”

Well you have some nerve, Lauren Conrad, SOME NERVE!  I have half-a-mind to take you over my knee and give you the spanking of your life!  We’re in a recession and you’re going to pull this crap?  I should wash your mouth out with cheap gin and force you to wear your own clothing line.

As you may have heard by now, Lauren Cockpig has decided to leave “The Hills” after this season ends.  Oh yeah Lauren?  Yeah well I plan on leaving this earth after your season is over.  How dare you!

Lauren has said that she wants to focus more on her private life.  Your private life?  Your life has been private enough.  Now you stop this business right now.  I said, right NOW!  Do you know how many kids in Somalia would kill to be on The Hills?  Do you know how many people I’ve tried (allegedly) to kill to try to get myself on The Hills? 

According to reps at MTV, just because Lauren Cockring is a big-old-quitter doesn’t mean they’re going to stop future episodes of The Hills.  Yes folks, The Hills will continue with such wondrous characters as Justin Bobby, Audrina, Steve Sanders, Heidi Montag, Brody Jenner and maybe, just maybe, Frankie will get bumped up to a series regular.  Oh this should all be great to watch.  Please, dear Jesus Claus, get Kristin Cavallari to replace Lauren.  Please?  I said please!

Well, thanks for nothing Lauren.  You’ll always be known as the girl who quit The Hills.  Now come and get your spanking.

Source It Up!

Lauren Conrad Deleted Me From Her Twitter Account. See You on Judge Judy!

Well isn’t this a fine how-do-ya do!?  I had been following Lauren Conrad on Twitter for weeks now and noticed that my “following” number went down.  Who did I lose?  Similar to a Myspace friend deleting you, you feel like you’ll never figure out who dropped off the face of the earth.  Well I just figured out that LC dropped me from following her.  Why would she single me out?  This totally decreases my chances of ever making it on The Hills.  Geesh, just because I may have made a mustache reference once or twice…or maybe I accidentally called her “Lauren Cockring.”  Sure, maybe I tossed in a comment or two about the lines under her eyes and/or left her a Myspace comment asking her if she thought the “Friends” were really friends, but I don’t deserve to be deleted.  Hurtful.

I will pick up the broken pieces and try to move on with my life.  Thanks, Lauren, for passive-aggressivly hurting me.  Uncle Jesse? Is it ok to crrrrrry?

P.S –> I may have called them “The Douche Bag Gang” or “The Douche Bag Bunch” a dozen or so times.  Maybe that’s the straw that broke the cameltoe’s back?