More Mindless Stories on ‘lauren conrad’
25
Oh Hey There Quitter!
The girl who will always be known as the girl who never went to Paris, Lauren Conrad, while dead to me is apparently alive to other people as she played host for the night at Bank nightclub inside the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas just the other day. I’m still pissed at her for leaving The Hills as people like Stacie the Pointless Bartender and Jayde the Show Skank now get more camera time and continue to run that show further and further into the ground. At this point the show should be falling through China.
While Lauren is celebrating the upcoming release of her latest book, “Sweet Little Lies” I’m not celebrating one bit as I’ve been quite busy searching for her mustache. Perhaps it went to Paris?
P.S –> Lindsay Lohan wants her dirty fake hair back.
23
Where’s WaldLO?
See what I did there? Nice, right? Layup joke. Anyscript, it’s nice to see that LC and LO are still chums even though LC has abandon us as a country. I thought the signs in the background truly represent what I consider these girls to be like. First they’re all like, “Yeah, I’m open” and as soon as you try to take the next step they’re all like, “No trespassing!” How rude! It’s girls like these that keep the Ruffies business afloat.
Please send my hate mail to:
IBBB c/o IBBB
123 New York Street Apt 3,504
Anytown USA, 90210
06
Lauren Conrad Quits “The Hills”
Well you have some nerve, Lauren Conrad, SOME NERVE! I have half-a-mind to take you over my knee and give you the spanking of your life! We’re in a recession and you’re going to pull this crap? I should wash your mouth out with cheap gin and force you to wear your own clothing line.
As you may have heard by now, Lauren Cockpig has decided to leave “The Hills” after this season ends. Oh yeah Lauren? Yeah well I plan on leaving this earth after your season is over. How dare you!
Lauren has said that she wants to focus more on her private life. Your private life? Your life has been private enough. Now you stop this business right now. I said, right NOW! Do you know how many kids in Somalia would kill to be on The Hills? Do you know how many people I’ve tried (allegedly) to kill to try to get myself on The Hills?
According to reps at MTV, just because Lauren Cockring is a big-old-quitter doesn’t mean they’re going to stop future episodes of The Hills. Yes folks, The Hills will continue with such wondrous characters as Justin Bobby, Audrina, Steve Sanders, Heidi Montag, Brody Jenner and maybe, just maybe, Frankie will get bumped up to a series regular. Oh this should all be great to watch. Please, dear Jesus Claus, get Kristin Cavallari to replace Lauren. Please? I said please!
Well, thanks for nothing Lauren. You’ll always be known as the girl who quit The Hills. Now come and get your spanking.
02
Lauren Conrad Deleted Me From Her Twitter Account. See You on Judge Judy!
Well isn’t this a fine how-do-ya do!? I had been following Lauren Conrad on Twitter for weeks now and noticed that my “following” number went down. Who did I lose? Similar to a Myspace friend deleting you, you feel like you’ll never figure out who dropped off the face of the earth. Well I just figured out that LC dropped me from following her. Why would she single me out? This totally decreases my chances of ever making it on The Hills. Geesh, just because I may have made a mustache reference once or twice…or maybe I accidentally called her “Lauren Cockring.” Sure, maybe I tossed in a comment or two about the lines under her eyes and/or left her a Myspace comment asking her if she thought the “Friends” were really friends, but I don’t deserve to be deleted. Hurtful.
I will pick up the broken pieces and try to move on with my life. Thanks, Lauren, for passive-aggressivly hurting me. Uncle Jesse? Is it ok to crrrrrry?
P.S –> I may have called them “The Douche Bag Gang” or “The Douche Bag Bunch” a dozen or so times. Maybe that’s the straw that broke the cameltoe’s back?
18
The Hills Gang Goes to Hawaii! I Hope They Return the Tiki to Professor Whitehead!
Bonus points to whoever got my joke in the title and by “bonus points” I mean “imaginary nothings.”
For those of you, like me, who are are trying to fill the void in your lives ever since The Hills has been on hiatus, well do I have the perfect fix for you! It’s two parts heroin, two parts Zima, and 1 part Hills pictures of the cast shooting scenes in Hawaii for the upcoming season that is set to air in March. Was that a run-on sentence? Eh, I’m keeping it.
The whole Douche-Bag-Bunch gased up what I will assume is DouK’s private jet, sipped some champagne, and got ready for some scripted fun in the Hawaiian sun. Seriously everyone was there. Well almost everyone. Heidi and Steve Sanders seem to be missing from the group photo. I’m sure they’re back in LA trying to find newer and more efficient ways to burn in hell.
While these photos don’t talk, they sorta do. For instance, in the last photo you know Audrina is text messaging Lauren to ask her what her next line is. Lauren hasn’t received the message yet because she’s too busy making sure LOser is following all of her commands that she laid out in a list before they left for the airport.
02
Lauren Conrad Films Her "Hills" Work Scenes That Include, You Know, Eating Cake
I miss The Hills. There, I said it. I miss it. Don’t judge me. I can’t wait for March so that my Hills life can get back on track. Anyscript, Lauren Cockring was filming scenes for the latest season of The Hills, which included “sitting on her chair with a blank computer screen at her desk” and also “sitting at her desk without taking off her pocketbook and holding a slice of cake.” She’s a business woman! You know that when they yelled “cut” she handed the cake back to the props department and walked off the set.
17
Any Chance This Was the Dress Lauren Conrad Wanted To Be Buried In, According to Her Will?
Lauren Conrad, dressed like she’s going to the funeral of Spencer Pratt, was all smiles while attending the Dolce & Gabana opening night benefit for the Art Elysium. I don’t really care what any of that means. Point being, LC looks like a widow.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
14
This Time Last Year: Lauren Defends "Hills" Rumors
- Santa
- Unicorns
- Tooth Fairy
- Jack and the Beanstalk
- Results from a Ouija Board
- Easter Bunny
- Global Warming
- Fonzi
- Dragons
- Sobriety
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
12
Fun With Lauren Conrad’s Myspace!
~ Honestly, I have no clue what you’re talking about. Now don’t get me wrong, I like the “……” more than anyone, but this is borderline not readable. Is that a word? It is now. Hit the books.
~ Yes, my friends, you should be looking up to someone you don’t know. That makes total sense. Sure your mom and dad are working their asses off to feed your fat ass and keep you in school but, you’re right, Lauren Conrad is the real role model.
~ It’s good to have goals, Jenny. However, you’d be surprised as to just how cost effective it is to stalk people. Therefore, you don’t have to be rich to one day run into Lauren. Just save up enough babysitting money and buy a plane ticket to LA. Then just sit your ass on her front stairs and wait for her to come out. It’s pretty cheap. And the paparazzi that sit outside of Conrad Manor typically have gum and mints for you to snack on whilst you wait. Best wishes!
Ah, well that concludes another segment of “Fun With Myspace.” Come to think of it, this isn’t illegal or anything, right? I mean, these people posted this stuff publicly so it’s fair game right?
Well I’ll just do the disclaimer that the movies do: “The events, myspace people and/or animals depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.”
15
Are Lauren and Heidi Friends Again? Check the Script.
According to Us Weekly, who seems to blow The Hills on a daily basis, they are reporting today that Lauren and Heidi may have reconciled and become friends again. You see, Lauren was at STK restaurant in LA last night celebrating her runway show with family and friends for LA fashion week. At the same time, through the absolute grace of Jesus Claus and Santa Christ Heidi and Steve Sanders were at STK too. Imagine the likelihood of that?!
Heidi spotted Lauren (she probably noticed all the lines under Lauren’s eyes as a way to identify her) and asked someone if she could congratulate Lauren on her tacky clothing line.
Lauren and Heidi (and her chin) then had a brief heart-to-heart and then were seen hugging. Personally, I think it was just Lauren’s attempt to try and pop Heidi’s new boobs, but that’s just my theory.
Later, Heidi and Steve Sanders left STK probably so that Steve Sanders could brush his Santa pubes back on the set of The Hills.
Looks like that very well-written letter by Heidi may have paid off!
22
She’ll Have to Bend Slightly More Forward….
07
LC Takes the Britney Spears Approach of Holding Stuff
Lauren Cockpig was running errands all around Hollywood yesterday in her jogging pants and wifebeater. I must say….pretty hot. I especially like how she’s holding two iced drinks directly in front of her rack-attack. But that’s just me. You may like other things. LC almost looks a little like Britney as she holds everything she owns in her little rich hands.
Lauren and her talented hands will be designing dresses that the trophy girls will hand out at the Emmy Awards. No really, they hired her for that. Lauren is so excited about this huge opportunity and has said, “I will be doing a red carpet look that still reflects the simple classic design of the Lauren Conrad Collection but with a black tie twist.” Lauren continued on in her statement, “I will probably never have the respect I want in the fashion industry, but I can work hard every day to try and prove myself.”
All true Lauren, all true. See all you young girls out there! All you need to do is get on a reality show, take a couple of college classes, work a half-ass internship for Lisa Loveless at Teen Vogue and “presto chango” you too can be designing dresses for the Emmy Awards! God bless America! I predict 45 more days before Jesus and/or Santa blows the US off the map.
05
Meet Holly Montag, No Really.
Hi everyone! Meet Holly Montag/Montard. She’s the sister of Heidi Montard. She enjoys big white teeth that are a bit bucky beaver and sandals that lace up around her cankles. Holly also enjoys such activities as filming new scenes of The Hills with Lauren Conrad and never eating the sandwich that’s in front of her. Wanna date her? Well you better hurry up because she is relatively unknown right now, but come the end of August she will sadly be an overnight household name as she is set to appear in a few crapisodes of The Hills. Seriously, it’s like huge white teeth are a requirement for The Hills.
04
LC and LOser Do Something, Technically.
I’m not so good with words. What’s the definition of “irony?” Is that the same as “ironic?” I believe so. Anyhills, Lauren Cockring and LOser Bosworthless were at the “Do Something Awards” which are a pre-party to the Teen Choice Awards. If, like me, you’re wondering what any of those things are, you’re old.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
28
Lauren Conrad Tries the Cowgirl Look. Yee-Ho!
Yeah! Lauren Cockring is 2 for 2 in the past week for me. Last week she appeared all sloppy drunk and hot. Now, we have pictures of Lauren doing a little shopping yesterday dressed like a cowgirl. I like it. She’s totally that girl who puts on her cowgirl themed outfit, heads on out to The Saddle Ranch in LA, and is double-fisting Bud Lights while slurring the words to “Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy.” See, now I’m getting sidetracked thinking of LC riding a bull. Ok, I’m back.
