More Mindless Stories on ‘laguna beach’
28
Lagina Creek Part 4??
Sometimes Santa doesn’t answer my letters and sometimes he does. Sometimes that fat bastard even eats my cookies and drinks my milk. Fat ass. Anyway, an avid IBBB reader and super secret super spy has passed a little information my way. Now this source is a drunken skank, but still I trust skanks, usually. Rumor (Willis) has it that Cami, Kendra, and Lexie from Laguna Beach 3 may be working on some type of new project together. This is at very early stages so there isn’t much more to report, yet, but I’m hoping that they’re braining back my favorite train wreck, Laguna Beach. Hopefully they’re giving Douche-Bag Creek (Newport Harbor) the boot! I’m also hoping that if Laguna Beach comes back they freshen up the title to something like “Lagina Creek Part 4.” It has a real nice ring to it.
25
Remember Kristin from Laguna Beach?
Hey, remember Kristin from Laguna Beach (sign of the cross)? Yeah, well she’s alive. Yeah, no she really is. Here are the photos to prove it! Kristin Cavallari played “Kristin Cavallari” on Laguna Beach (sign of the cross) and is now attending a fashion show because, I assume, that’s what you do when you exit a hit reality show. Kristin was hosting this random fashion show and brought two guests of honor for the night…her rack.
This all got me to thinking. (1) I still sweat Kristin (2) Nice boobs (3) Where has she been (4) and most importantly, what if the producers of “The Hills” replaced Heidi with Kristin? No joke, that would be brilliant. Then, they could replace Steve Sanders (aka Spencer) with Steven. Then, they could replace Audrina with Alex H. Then they could replace Audrina’s teeth with Dieter. Then, they could replace Whitney with Alex M. And then finally they could slightly tweak the name of the show “The Hills” to something catchy like….oh I don’t know….”Laguna Beach.” Brilliant, right? I would still keep Lisa Loveless though, as she is (similar to me) a national treasure.
24
Jason Wahler Hearts Guns
Even though “The Hills” is on a break until Season 3 starts up at some point in the summer, it’s like every week there is a new “The Hills” story to choose from. This one is great. Apparently, Jason Wahler and some buddies were drinking vodka and playing a friendly little game of Russian Roulette. In regards to regular roulette I typically put my money on Red 9, but I guess this game is a little different and involves a gun. According to US Weekly who received these photos, Jason and some buddies were trashed in Hollywood one night last summer and everyone ended up playing around with a gun. Yeah, that’s safe. I’d assume that Jason wanted to take a dirt nap after realizing that he dated Jessica from Laguna Beach, but maybe he has deeper troubles than that….even though that would be enough to make anyone play “kiss the gun.” It’s good to see Jason’s been doing well. He’s about two drinks away from “Trimspa, baby!”18
…In Other News…
Kristin from Laguna Beach (and nothing else) was hosting the opening of Aura Nightclub in the Bahamas the other night when someone snapped up this natural looking picture. Now do you think the camera guy instructed all those girls to look up at Kristen in amazement or do you think that was performed on their own. They legit look beside themselves to be standing at Kristin’s feet. I’m sure they’ll look back at this picture with complete pride one day. In other news..
~ Cameron Diaz Forget Her Bra ~ DSF
~ Is Joel Madden Relevant Anymore? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Hayden Panetierre Gets Dirrrrty ~ FatBack
~ Will Farrell Landlord Video ~ NinjaDude
~ When Did Courtney Love Turn 72? ~ AgentBedHead
~ The Charles in Charge Chick Looking Rough ~ DListed
~ Avril is a Retard ~ HollyScoop
~ Brad and Angelina on a Break? ~ PopBytes
~ Heather Mills Lays Down on the Ground ~ Yeeeah
~ J Lo is Mad and Suing! ~ EvilBeet
~ Jessica Biel Looks Like a Newscaster ~ GabSmash
10
Jason Wahler Arrested Again, Again
28
Jessica From Laguna Beach Arrested
The reports that was filed claimed that her level of intoxication, unsafe speed, and wet roads caused the crash. Are they sure it was the camera crew in her car? Jessica is sitting in an Orange County jail on 100,000 awaiting her court date. I wonder if she’ll bring Jason?
06
MTVs Kristen Cavallari Thinks I’m Dumb
…well she may be right. Yeah, I’m kinda dumb. Anyway, Kristen Cavallari of MTVs Laguna Beach was recently in GQ and, of course, the interview headed in the direction of asking all about Laguna Beach. Sweet! It’s not like the reruns are enough anyway. Before I even get into the interview portion I want to go back on the record of saying that Kristen is way hotter than Lauren. Now don’t get me wrong, Lauren is hot, but Kristen is hot in that sorta “I’m a bitch and am gonna kick your ass” kind of way. Wait, is the just me? I digress.
So, when Kristen was asked if Laguna Beach was scripted she responded by saying:
06
MTV Family News: Jason Wahler Arrested Again; Less Known Laguna Beach Cast Members Jealous
Jason Wahler of MTV’s Laguna Beach and several episodes of MTV’s The Hills was tossed in the slammer after he was caught drinking at a bar in North Carolina underage. The bar where the sting operation took place was called “Rumors” and poor Jason could not show the proper identification when police had requested it. Allegedly Jason began to shout swears at the cops and spent a little quality time in jail before he was bailed out on $1,000 bail.
I wonder if all the episodes of Laguna Beach in which Jason was seen drinking while high school tipped the cops off? Look I don’t pass judgement on this as we’ve all been there. Well, not in North Carolina, necessarily, but drinking underage at a bar. Although I’ve never been stupid enough to not at least have a fake ID with me. You hear that kids? Fake ID. Be smart.
16
Laguna Beach 3, RIP
09
Laguna Beach Makes Me Dumb
- Burying yourself in sand and putting a gift box over your head
- Adding your and your date’s name to the front of a movie sign
- Dressing your dog up with a prom shirt
- Tattooing the word “prom” across your chest
- Placing “lays” all over the volleyball net with a bunch of red balloons and sign
Clearly these jackasses must have got confused and thought they were asking these girls to be their wives. Seriously, I’ve seen less intense marriage proposals. I mean, when I asked my prom date to go with me I just called her and asked her…and then told her she was pregnant. I really like to pack a two-for-one deal with these things.
Oh, did I mention the episode started with Tessa and Rocky rocking the ballet outfit cameltoe? Yup, it’s true. Do they still offer ballet classes to girls who are 17? Did they get kicked out of the “Brownies?” I literally cringed with embarrassment when I watched them dance.
Anyway, Rocky and Alex are quasi back together and are heading to the prom, which means that Rocky is going to need to add some extra white-trash extensions to her fright-wig that she’s rockin’. At one point it literally looked like Rocky had two wigs on…one wig on top of another wig. She doubled up on her wigs.
Perhaps the best quote of the night Cami was getting ready for the prom and she said she looked like a hooker. Her “good friend” Kyndra corrected her and told her she looked like a glamorous hooker. I would have said she looked like Miss Piggy in a slip, but maybe I’m not a great friend.
So the prom lasted about 15 seconds and then it was onto the after party. Rocky freaks out, cries, talks about being a princess and end scene.
Episode 2 is all about Chase’s band. Oh and Lexi’s dad takes the girls out on his boat, which includes Breanna (Mask), Lexi, some other randoms, and Cami. Yup, Cami. I literally did a double take because I couldn’t figure out why she was there. Maybe they were going to use her as an anchor. No one can know for sure. Later Cami and Kyndra hop in the Range Rover and head to LA to watch the band at the Roxy, but not before Cami sings “Barbi Girl” with (yes you guessed it) her boobs hanging out.
So the whole gang makes it to The Roxy to see the band play…well Tessa missed most of it because she had Derek’s tongue down her throat. I hope he doesn’t catch the allergy that put her in the hospital! Later the band gets signed to Epic Records. Seriously? Weren’t they just singing at Tessa’s birthday party? Damn it, maybe if I sang at her birthday party I would be signed to Epic Records. Oh wait, I can’t sing. Do you think Epic signs blogs? Yeah, I didn’t think so. So when the guys started telling people that they got signed to the record deal no one seemed excited at all. Everyone was like, oh that’s great. I would bottle my friends if they weren’t more excited for me.
02
Laguna Beach Gossip: I Heart Cami
- Cami Rules
- Cami wears a pink housecoat to the airport and to the pool. Somehow she added a captains hat to her outfit to top things off. She literally looked like a bottle of pepto bismal with the pink shirt and white hat. Good for her.
- Tessa and Rocky are going on spring break to Virginia, yes Virginia. Seriously? The people who live in Virginia don’t even want to be there. Why the hell would they choose that as the vacation spot?
- Tyler brought his mom to Cabo. I actually forgot for a second that they were all on spring break when they showed his mom. What the hell?
- Cami’s boobs manage to almost fall out of every shirt she wears.
- Breanna is going to Cabo too with Lexi.
- Breanna kissing someone is like watching a cat fall out of a tree. You don’t want to watch it, but you kinda have to.
- Tyler likes to smoke on the dance floor while he dances. You know, because that makes sense.
- Cami and Kyndra may have had a fight in the last two minutes but I couldn’t really tell because they were talking way to fast, said “for sure” a lot and talk with potatoes in their mouth.
All in all this was a disappointing episode. Although, next week is the prom where they decide to “surprise ask” their dates to the prom. No clue why, but they do.
26
Laguna Beach Gossip Hurts
Moving on. The producers of Laguna Beach must have given everyone some bonus money if they could continually do two things: (1) Say the word “bonfire” and (2) constantly analyze the events of the bonfire. Literally, every two seconds Rocky, Tessa, and Chase would talk about being at the bonfire and their boyfriends not talking to them at the bonfire and having it be awkward at the bonfire and wanting to leave the bonfire. I’m like, girls stop saying freakin’ “bonfire.”
Tessa struggles with her boyfriend as he hasn’t talked to her in like 3 days, but she’s going to give him another three days to see if he ends up talking to her. She’s an ass. I hope she gets another allergic reaction.
Now, cue the concert. The whole deranged gang is heading out to a concert. Rocky is dressed like she’s going to the prom. Everyone else is wearing t-shirts. I think the concert is at a bar. Well, more like a barn that has a bar. Perhaps the best part of the concert is that Cami was there. I miss her. She was wearing red just like the actual Kool-Aid guy. Very appropriate. I like it when Cami makes a cameo, or as I like to call it a “cami-yo.”
Even Breanna made an appearance. I believe she had about 14 seconds of air-time. Good for her. That’s 10 seconds more than normal. Ok, but back to Rocky. When Rocky hears her ex-boyfriend call her a slut, her reaction is priceless. You would actually think that someone gave Rocky the news that her parents were dead. She covers her mouth, grabs her chest, and has to crouch down on the ground. PRICELESS.
18
A Laguna Beach Coke Whore?
12
Laguna Beach Gossip, Recap, and Headache
Meanwhile, Tessa finally gets to go out on a date and isn’t forced to stay shackled up at Rocky’s house baking cookies (like on every episode). Who is Tessa going out with, you ask? I think it literally was Larry Bird without the mustache. No joke. Go run to your Tivo’s and watch it again. Her date was Larry Bird. Date aside, the big news that we’ve all been waiting for was revealed. The question that has been looming all season. Why was Tessa in the hospital and what sickness did she have? Da-da-dunnnn! Uh, yeah. She had an allergic reaction and was in the hospital for 3-weeks. Yeah, that really was it. One time I had an allergic reaction to a bee sting and, uh, my arm hurt….for like 20 minutes. That’s it. What the hell are you that allergic to that forces you in the hospital for 3 weeks? Weeks! Maybe she’s reallllllly allergic to condoms?
Back to poor crazy Jessica. She is getting her ass dumped in the park. Seriously, stop being so insane and you won’t get dumped every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The both break up with smirks on their faces. Assholes.
What I’ve learned:
~Cami is the said the most intelligent statement all season. Cami said she likes baggy clothes because she’s getting “hefty” these days. This is the first time I agree with anything that Cami has said.
~Cami spent almost $4500 on clothes to compensate for low self esteem.
~Rocky walks with her shoulders up at all times and talks to everyone like they’re 2 years old.
~Cameron looks like he has fake Halloween teeth. He’s just missing the glasses, big nose, and fuzzy mustache.
05
Laguna Beach Gossip, Recap, and Retards
- When the producers want the girls to talk they send them to get coffee. When they want the guys to talk they send them to the basketball court…even if they can’t play (i.e. Cameron’s friend Nick W.)
- I think Tessa lives at Rocky’s house. Even after Rocky left for her V-day date, Tessa just stayed there. The same thing happened on Rocky’s first date, Tessa watched a movie with Rocky’s parents. Therefore, my conclusion is that Tessa is homeless.
- Rocky remains a bit white trash for me. I especially liked her Lee press-on nails.
- Rocky’s boyfriend is clearly the new Jason. He literally grunts and hardly says any words even when asked specific questions. Awesome!
- Kyndra’s boyfriend, Tyler, has his period for sure. He was a pissy little bitch the entire episode. Apparently he also likes Army jackets. Even though it was the Valentine’s Day episode, he was dressed like Halloween. Rockin!
- Cami literally says 150 words all at the same time.
- The kids from Laguna Beach must own stock in “Solo” because they only drink out of red keg cups.
- Kyndra would get 10 times hotter with a simple Ashlee Simpson nose job.
- I’ve issued an Amber Alert (V.P) for Breanna since she hasn’t been in an episode for about a month.
- Breaking up on camera is awesome! Thanks for the most random break-up in Laguna history, Kyndra and Tyler!
- I miss crazy Jessica.
