More Mindless Stories on ‘kristin cavallari’

Finally Kristin Cavallari’s Raspy Coke Voice Explained…..With Coke

I swear to Jesus Claus if the MTV cameras aren’t rolling on this I will never watch another crapisode of “The Hills” again.  I’m kidding.  I’ll watch it until I lapse into a self induced coma, which typically happens anyway right before the opening credits.  Anycrack, Us Weekly, the Catcher in the Rye of our generation, is claiming that Kristin Cavallari is a cocaine whore or “coke whore” for short.

Apparently at the Super Bowl, Kristin was naked-wasted the entire game and was asking everyone and their mother (and probably Brody’s skank-bang mom) if they could score her some cocaine.  I don’t think this is a huge deal, as I just assume everyone on The Hills does coke just to make it through a scene with each other, but I digest.

Drunken sources are saying, “Her issues are becoming apparent to everyone.  She’s getting scary-thin and not showering regularly…She’s clearly unhealthy.“  You know, she is getting pretty thin, but I just assumed it was from laxatives and a good old fashion Crest toothbrush down the throat, you know, but in a healthy way.  And why do they care that Kristin doesn’t shower regularly, but no one is issuing a statement on how Justin Bobby hasn’t bathed since the fall of the Soviet Union?

So will we be seeing any of Kristin’s alleged drug antics?  Possibly.  The same drunken source continued, “Her drug problem finally became an unavoidable conversation topic on film.  If MTV uses the footage, it will be clear to everyone.”  I don’t even care if all this is made up strictly for the new season.  It’ll be more fun to watch than Heidi trying to snatch Santa Pubes’ sperm so she can get herself a baby…..a baby to fill the pathetic empty void in her life, also known as “love.”

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Kristin Cavallari is Not a Judge and You Can’t Make Her One, So Just Stop!

Kristin Cavallari and her raspy ecstasy voice was all legs whilst at the premiere of “When in Rome” at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood the other night.  This chick is disappearing right before our very own eyes.  Hopefully she’s not on the toothbrush diet, but either way it’s working for her.

Kristin recently spoke (100 mph) with Entertainment Tonight about the recent body mutilation/plastic surgery of Heidi Montag and if you were thinking “the bitch is back” she’s not.  Kristin rambled, “I’ve seen the pictures. Who are we to say what she can and can’t do? We’re not the ones that have to live in that body. If it makes her happy, then go ahead. It’s not my body… Do I think she’s very young? Yes. I’m 23 and she’s 23, it’s very young to be getting that amount of work done. Would I do it? No. But it’s not me.”

Terribly said, Kristin, terribly said.  What do you mean ” who are we to say what she can and can’t do?”  Uh, I’m to say.  I say it.  I’ll say it.  You should say it to.  Heidi has turned herself into a fem-bot-pre-op-tranny-frankenstein-audrina-eyed-lollipop-head-cat-lady-lookalike-freak and I’m to say that she should not have had any of that work done.  I may not have to live in that robotic body (thank Jesus Claus), but I’m the one who has to look at on television and, well, I don’t pay $123.00/month to see the “before photos” from the cast of Cocoon every Monday night at 10pm.

Kristin Cavallari Steals Audrina’s Justin Bobby and Then Her Hat

One of our favorite fauxlity show fauxlebrities, Kristin Cavallari, was off to get her hair did at Anastasia Salon in Beverly Hills 90210 the other day.  Sporting Audrina’s signature Freddie Kruger black hat and skull scarves, Kristin appeared less than pleased by the paparazzi snapping photos of her whilst she walked into the salon and texting on her Blackberry all at the same time.  What a true talent!

Kristin is back to “work” and “filming” some new “scenes” for The Hills.  Just the other day she and her faux arch nemesis, Audrina “Teefs” Patridge were seen eating together at the House Cafe in West Hollywood late last week.  Well, there is no proof that actual food was ingested, but we’ll have to just wait and see for ourselves when The Hills begins airing again, reportedly, in the Spring.  How many more sleeps is that?!

Kristin Cavallari Just Turned 23? My Life Sucks.

Finally an answer to my daily burning question, “Why do I feel like such a perv.”  Well the answer apparently is because Kristin Cavallari is only 23 years old.  How is it that I’ve aged like 10 years since Laguna Beach and Kristin has only aged 5 years?  Ahhh TV magic!

Singer/actress/politician/scientist, Kristin Cavallari, was all pissed off smiles, eye rolls, and secret peeks over her shoulder on the red carpet at Eve nightclub in Las Vegas over the weekend celebrating her 23rd birthday.

You can catch up with Kristin on The Hills Season 6 which, sadly, will be back with the rest of the D-Bag Bunch like Audrina, Heidi, and Spencer.  Now that the theme “The Bitch is Back” has already been done for Season 5, hopefully Kristin will diddle Enzo or something and spend some time in the slammer in order to spice things up.

Check out more photos of Kristin at her 23rd birthday below.

She’s So Fine, There’s No Telling Where the Money Went

The lights are on, but you’re not home, you’re mind is not your own.  Might as well face it you’re addicted to love.  Kristin Cavallari, only missing her guitar and additional backup dancers, was all pissed-off looks while she attended the Us Weekly’s 2009 Hot Hollywood fiesta that took place in West Hollywood.  That’s California, my map says.  Other guests who attended that I deemed note-worthy and by “note-worthy” I, of course, mean “brain-rotting” were Whitney Port, Stephanie Pratt, and Joel McHale.  Obviously I tossed in Joel McHale as he is my career inspiration and his time on The Soup must be winding down.  Check out my lazy thumbnails below and see if you can figure who some of these headless pictures belong to.