More Mindless Stories on ‘kristin cavallari’
18
Finally Kristin Cavallari’s Raspy Coke Voice Explained…..With Coke
I swear to Jesus Claus if the MTV cameras aren’t rolling on this I will never watch another crapisode of “The Hills” again. I’m kidding. I’ll watch it until I lapse into a self induced coma, which typically happens anyway right before the opening credits. Anycrack, Us Weekly, the Catcher in the Rye of our generation, is claiming that Kristin Cavallari is a cocaine whore or “coke whore” for short.
Apparently at the Super Bowl, Kristin was naked-wasted the entire game and was asking everyone and their mother (and probably Brody’s skank-bang mom) if they could score her some cocaine. I don’t think this is a huge deal, as I just assume everyone on The Hills does coke just to make it through a scene with each other, but I digest.
Drunken sources are saying, “Her issues are becoming apparent to everyone. She’s getting scary-thin and not showering regularly…She’s clearly unhealthy.“ You know, she is getting pretty thin, but I just assumed it was from laxatives and a good old fashion Crest toothbrush down the throat, you know, but in a healthy way. And why do they care that Kristin doesn’t shower regularly, but no one is issuing a statement on how Justin Bobby hasn’t bathed since the fall of the Soviet Union?
So will we be seeing any of Kristin’s alleged drug antics? Possibly. The same drunken source continued, “Her drug problem finally became an unavoidable conversation topic on film. If MTV uses the footage, it will be clear to everyone.” I don’t even care if all this is made up strictly for the new season. It’ll be more fun to watch than Heidi trying to snatch Santa Pubes’ sperm so she can get herself a baby…..a baby to fill the pathetic empty void in her life, also known as “love.”
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29
Kristin Cavallari is Not a Judge and You Can’t Make Her One, So Just Stop!
Kristin Cavallari and her raspy ecstasy voice was all legs whilst at the premiere of “When in Rome” at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood the other night. This chick is disappearing right before our very own eyes. Hopefully she’s not on the toothbrush diet, but either way it’s working for her.
Kristin recently spoke (100 mph) with Entertainment Tonight about the recent body mutilation/plastic surgery of Heidi Montag and if you were thinking “the bitch is back” she’s not. Kristin rambled, “I’ve seen the pictures. Who are we to say what she can and can’t do? We’re not the ones that have to live in that body. If it makes her happy, then go ahead. It’s not my body… Do I think she’s very young? Yes. I’m 23 and she’s 23, it’s very young to be getting that amount of work done. Would I do it? No. But it’s not me.”
Terribly said, Kristin, terribly said. What do you mean ” who are we to say what she can and can’t do?” Uh, I’m to say. I say it. I’ll say it. You should say it to. Heidi has turned herself into a fem-bot-pre-op-tranny-frankenstein-audrina-eyed-lollipop-head-cat-lady-lookalike-freak and I’m to say that she should not have had any of that work done. I may not have to live in that robotic body (thank Jesus Claus), but I’m the one who has to look at on television and, well, I don’t pay $123.00/month to see the “before photos” from the cast of Cocoon every Monday night at 10pm.
21
Kristin Cavallari Steals Audrina’s Justin Bobby and Then Her Hat
One of our favorite fauxlity show fauxlebrities, Kristin Cavallari, was off to get her hair did at Anastasia Salon in Beverly Hills 90210 the other day. Sporting Audrina’s signature Freddie Kruger black hat and skull scarves, Kristin appeared less than pleased by the paparazzi snapping photos of her whilst she walked into the salon and texting on her Blackberry all at the same time. What a true talent!
Kristin is back to “work” and “filming” some new “scenes” for The Hills. Just the other day she and her faux arch nemesis, Audrina “Teefs” Patridge were seen eating together at the House Cafe in West Hollywood late last week. Well, there is no proof that actual food was ingested, but we’ll have to just wait and see for ourselves when The Hills begins airing again, reportedly, in the Spring. How many more sleeps is that?!
11
Kristin Cavallari Just Turned 23? My Life Sucks.
Finally an answer to my daily burning question, “Why do I feel like such a perv.” Well the answer apparently is because Kristin Cavallari is only 23 years old. How is it that I’ve aged like 10 years since Laguna Beach and Kristin has only aged 5 years? Ahhh TV magic!
Singer/actress/politician/scientist, Kristin Cavallari, was all pissed off smiles, eye rolls, and secret peeks over her shoulder on the red carpet at Eve nightclub in Las Vegas over the weekend celebrating her 23rd birthday.
You can catch up with Kristin on The Hills Season 6 which, sadly, will be back with the rest of the D-Bag Bunch like Audrina, Heidi, and Spencer. Now that the theme “The Bitch is Back” has already been done for Season 5, hopefully Kristin will diddle Enzo or something and spend some time in the slammer in order to spice things up.
Check out more photos of Kristin at her 23rd birthday below.
20
She’s So Fine, There’s No Telling Where the Money Went
The lights are on, but you’re not home, you’re mind is not your own. Might as well face it you’re addicted to love. Kristin Cavallari, only missing her guitar and additional backup dancers, was all pissed-off looks while she attended the Us Weekly’s 2009 Hot Hollywood fiesta that took place in West Hollywood. That’s California, my map says. Other guests who attended that I deemed note-worthy and by “note-worthy” I, of course, mean “brain-rotting” were Whitney Port, Stephanie Pratt, and Joel McHale. Obviously I tossed in Joel McHale as he is my career inspiration and his time on The Soup must be winding down. Check out my lazy thumbnails below and see if you can figure who some of these headless pictures belong to.
05
The "B Team" of The Hills Has a Reunion!
I don’t want to oversell this, but….JACKPOT! Remember Brian and Jordan from the first season of The Hills? One of them played the boyfriend of Heidi and the other played the kid who was chasing after Oddrina.
17
Oh Christ. Nothing Good is Coming Out of This!
Isn’t there some unwritten rule that you should never mix with the Kardashian sisters? Kristin Cavallari and two Kardashian’s (no first names needed) posted lifeless on the grey carpet at the grand opening of the Fontainebleau Miami Beach in Miami, Florida over the weekend. Let’s hope in this case the carpet doesn’t match the drapes.
I’m owning it. In fact, they should replace Audrina with Kristin. In fact, they should replace half the cast with Kristin. In fact, let’s just bring back the old Laguna Beach and call it a day.
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24
Kristin Cavallari Still Kicking Around
My backup girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari, was all smiles and open mouth on the red carpet at the launch party (not to be confused with Lunch Party) for “Rare” from Nicole Maloney. I’m not sure what 3 of those words in that last sentence mean. Alas, who gives 6 craps?
17
Kristin Cavallari and Baja Fresh: My 2 Favorite Things!
(Insert Oprah voice) It’s IBBB’s favorrrrrrite thiiiiiiiinnnnnngs! I love me some Kristin Cavallarrrrrrrrrrri! Bring on some of that Baja Freeeeeeeeeeeesh! Kristin Cavallari looks like she basically rolled out of bed, forgot to brush her hair, and tied a Thanksgiving tablecloth around her waist in order to attend the premiere of “Eagle Eye” at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood yesterday. However, I’m fine with Kristin looking like she’s gone to crap for the day. It makes her more attainable.
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21
Oh Kristin Cavallari, What Happened?
Damn it. I was just having an in depth conversation this weekend about how I was voting Kristin Cavallari as hotter than Lauren Conrad. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t toss LC out of bed because she drools on the pillow, but still, I always thought Kristin was hotter….you know, in a skanky kinda way. The good way. Anyway, Kristin was looking ho-hum (and not in the good way) at the Custo Barcelona fashion collection the other day on the blue carpet. Why she has a Martha Washington hairstyle and hiding her body in that Boca Raton motel bedspread is beyond me. And isn’t she from Laguna Beach? Where the hell is her tan? It’s July for cripes sakes!
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30
Kristin Cavallari Makes Golf Watchable
I know you guys are rolling your eyes and dotting your t’s, but I still love me some Kristin Cavallari. Sure her voice is annoying, but have you ever heard my Boston accent? It’s a match made in heaven and by “heaven” I really mean “jail.” Kristin Cavallari was taking her best put at a random celebrity gold tournament in Miami, Florida just the other day. Finally, golf is watchable. I like the fact that she’s wearing high heeled skank shoes whilst on the course and a dress short enough that she could have easy access to one of those little mini-golf pencils, should she choose to store one up there. I think it’s efficient.
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07
Kristin Cavallari Turns 21, I Turn 121
Nothing quite makes me feel like I’m turning 121 quite like Kristin Cavallari turning 21. 21? Who the hell is 21 anymore? Kristin, from Laguna Beach and possibly “The Hills”, turned 21 and celebrated her b-day in Vegas, baby! You may be looking around the table and noticing that she’s with a bunch of randoms, including the cock-eyed chick staring at her boobs, but she was with some fellow Laguna Beach rejects, such as Alex M. No word yet if Cami was in attendance.
18
Kristin Cavallari on "The Hills?"
Welcome to “The Hills Tuesday” where IBBB will be continuing on the legacy of The Hills until the script for next season is finalized and comes back into our pathetic lives. Please, you know you are psyched too that I’m doing this. Tip your 40 for The Hills Season 3.
Anyway, E! News is reporting that Laguna Beach cast member, Kristin Cavallari may be making an appearance or two on the next season of The Hills. This may actually be the best scripted decision that MTV makes for The Hills. Let’s face it, while Kristin isn’t as douchey as Heidi she is WAY hotter than Heidi will ever be and I believe that Kristin still has her original nose, chin, and boobs. Hell, if they’re going to bring back Kristin, they might as well honor all of my wishes and bring back Cami too. And, what in the hell is Alex H up to? Toss her ugly ass back into The Hills ring again and let’s see what happens. Actually, maybe eliminate Audrina and give Lisa Loveless more air time. Next, let’s turn this into a reality game show where people are voted off each week while others are voted back in. It can be just like Paradise Hotel (the best reality show that ever aired….ever).
Hopefully this crap is true and Kristin will be back in our lives. If this isn’t true and Heidi stays I hope she decides to go for one of those risky face transplants. If she needs someone to throw acid at her face in order to qualify for the surgery just let me know.
Kristin Cavallari on “The Hills?”
25
Remember Kristin from Laguna Beach?
Hey, remember Kristin from Laguna Beach (sign of the cross)? Yeah, well she’s alive. Yeah, no she really is. Here are the photos to prove it! Kristin Cavallari played “Kristin Cavallari” on Laguna Beach (sign of the cross) and is now attending a fashion show because, I assume, that’s what you do when you exit a hit reality show. Kristin was hosting this random fashion show and brought two guests of honor for the night…her rack.
This all got me to thinking. (1) I still sweat Kristin (2) Nice boobs (3) Where has she been (4) and most importantly, what if the producers of “The Hills” replaced Heidi with Kristin? No joke, that would be brilliant. Then, they could replace Steve Sanders (aka Spencer) with Steven. Then, they could replace Audrina with Alex H. Then they could replace Audrina’s teeth with Dieter. Then, they could replace Whitney with Alex M. And then finally they could slightly tweak the name of the show “The Hills” to something catchy like….oh I don’t know….”Laguna Beach.” Brilliant, right? I would still keep Lisa Loveless though, as she is (similar to me) a national treasure.
