You know what? I thought about it and I am ready for this jelly. Reunite Destiny’s Child because Kelly Rowland has store-bought-new-boobs! Happy new rack Friday! Kelly recently told People Magazine that she bought her new rack-attack in the Fall of 2007. Fall really is a wonderful time to increase your chest size, I believe. Although I feel like K. Row came up a little flat. She went from an A-cup to a B-cup. Of fine, so that’s still decent, but its kind of like spending $30,000 for a car and choosing the KIA. If you’re going to spend the money you might as well go with the bigger car. Hell, spring for the leather seats!

Kelly bought these friends so that she could wearing more fashionable clothes, such as the classy outfits that Tina Knowles would make the girls wear on stage during concerts. I say good for her! I look at it this way: If she didn’t get breast implants then she supports terrorism. And I think that goes for all flat chested women this size of the Mason/Dixon line. I also don’t know where that is or what that is. That’s all.

As a wise song once said, “You can say no, no, no, no, no, when it’s really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” Well I want to hear more brilliant lyrics like that and I know the world does too and by “world” I mean a couple of my friends. Kelly Rowland, one of the singers that didn’t get fired from the group Destiny’s Child, is hinting around that she wants the group to get back together. In other words, she needs a little extra cash. And who can blame her. When asked about the Spice Girls reunion tour, Kelly babbled on saying:

“This current spate of reunions has given us ideas. Despite what people say we are all still really close. A couple of weeks ago Beyonce did a show in Los Angeles and asked me and Michelle (Williams) to join her on stage for Survivor. It was a real tearjerker. The fans were crying and going nuts. I’d definitely like us to do more stuff like that. As ever, Beyonce and I will spend Christmas Day together. It will be a real family affair.

Yes, Kelly, you will be joining Beyonce for Christmas Day, but I would double check your plans because I believe that Beyonce has hired you for service. Probably clean up and food prep. Eh, it’s not that bad. At least you’ll get to work in a mansion and rub elbows and mustaches with Tina Knowles.

I’ll be waiting for the announcement of a Destiny’s Child reunion. In honor of that I will play “Say My Name, Say My Name” on repeat in my CD player and will sing “Bootylicious” to every fatass that I see on the street. You’re welcome Kelly, you’re welcome.

Who Claims This!?

Seeing pictures of Kelly Rowland got me to thinking about a bunch of different things. First off, I thought about how much I missed Destiny’s Child singing about their fat asses, breaking their lease so they can’t move, it’s 11:30 and the party’s jumpin’ jumpin’, and singing no no no no no when it’s really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. I realized that other members of Destiny’s Child on their own really bore me. To me, they’re kinda like a sober Lindsay Lohan. Pointless. Then I got to thinking how Kelly Rowland masters the spandex unitard, yes “unitard” without showing a glimpse of the cameltoe. That really disappoints me. Now if that was Beyonce in the unitard it would have been so tight I would have been able to tell what day of her period she was on. What?

Anyway, Kelly Rowland was “in concert” in London singing her greatest hits such as…..uh…and her other huge song…er….and then she closed with…umm. I would have been fine with her singing “Say My Name” on repeat. I miss Destiny’s Child. They better get their asses back in that recording studio. My iPod is missing them.