More Mindless Stories on ‘kell on earth’

So is Kelly Cutrone on a Meth Binge?

I may have mentioned once or thrice that not only do I want to knock over a 7-11 with Kelly Cutrone, but I also want to mug an albino midget with turrets with her and spoon until the cows come home.  Normal?  Sure. 

Anycrap, I found this gem of a clip of Kelly Cutrone at London Fashion Week and I’m almost certain she is in a meth-induced rage.  I’m obviously kidding, but am really hoping that’s what it is.  The clip is almost 7 minutes long so if you don’t have time to watch the whole thing, let me break it down into some high-level magical bullet points for you.  We learn from Kelly that….

•  Disney steals you by the age of 2.
• Kelly got married twice, then divorced, then got pregnant, then got white furniture.  Hmmph. Ok.
• Kelly talks about Christianity and says, “Look at Mary.  She gets pregnant and she doesn’t even get to get f*cked.”  Ruh-roh!  Jesus Claus and Santa Christ aren’t going to like that one!
• Kelly also talks about “Other fun advice, like how to use an anal probe.”  Kelly says she’ll be the one to tell you because “mom” is not going to tell you which are the best ones.  Oh that Kel.  So helpful.  Such a pistol.
• We learn that Kelly is 43, she wears no make-up, wears no make-up on television, and is mean on TV, but wants to help “these girls” out.
• There are 4 things that Kelly really does want to do: (1) Teach young woman because she loves them. (2) Use everyone she knows to raise money for people who need it. (3) Get 15,000 people to carry white flags in Central Park to represent the 15,000 homeless kids that live in New York City. (4) Go to India to teach young women how to sew.
• Perhaps the best thing that Kelly talks about is replacing Fashion Week by having people spend that same amount of time and energy doing things that actually matter in the world.

Kelly may get a lot of crap on TV, but you have to admit she is pretty genius and down to earth.  I would like to be the offical blogger of Kelly Cutrone.  Someone make that happen.

Our pal, Kel, will soon be appearing in her very own reality show,  “Kell on Earth” sometime soon, but most importantly she will have a new book out in March 2010 titled, “If You Have to Cry, Go Outside.”  Seriously, I think I just did Shasta McNasty in my pants, I was so excited.  I’m sure her follow up book will be something titled, “If You Have to Put Out Your Cigarette, Do It on My Forehead.”  Here’s to hoping.

Kell on Earth. Can’t Top That. Just Can’t.

And on the 7th day, God rested.  And then on the 8th day, He woke up and created Kelly Cutrone.  I bet you guys didn’t know that whole “8th day” thing was in part two of the Bible, which I believe was called, “The Bible Part II: Electric Boogaloo.”  Anywednesdayadamslookalike, my prayers have been answered because The Hills’ own Kelly Cutrone has been given her very own reality show that will premiere on Bravo. 

Now, I don’t want to say she’s getting  her own show because of my constant prayers, letter writing campaigns, and blog posts, but I kinda think it’s because of my constant prayers, letter writing campaigns, and blog posts.  Kelly’s new show will be called, “Kell on Earth,” which I think is pretty fitting considering I created the above Cutrone image months ago for a Hills recap. 

“Kell on Earth” will follow Kelly Cutrone running her company, Pubic Revolution, and balancing being a single mother.  How she’s not married is beyond me. 

As a certified tool bag (CTB) I will, of course, be recapping the absolute urine out of this show.  Stay tuned.

Source It Up!