Katie and Suri Cruise Take In the "Lion King" on Broadway….


….and, clearly, they loved it.

Eck! How Drunk is Suri!

Seriously, what a mess! I mean, how drunk is Suri!? Tom Cruise may be all over the place promoting the ever loving piss out of his new movie, “Hitler Was Just Misunderstood” but he should be tackling some family issues, stat. These family issues are, of course, Suri being a fall down drunk. Look at her! She’s so trashed she has to be carried out of Katie Holmes play, “All My Sons.” And did you ever notice how Suri seems to slur all of her words all of the time? Even Katie is forced to carry Suri’s brown paper bag of wine. Someone get Suri the help she needs and get her the help now! Is there a height restriction to checking into Promises Rehab?


Time to Play: Who’s Who?!

Ok I’ll give you a hint. This is Tom Cruise, the actor, and Katie Holmes, the actress. Ok that’s all the clues I’m giving. Now, you need to guess which of these people is Tom and which is Katie. Don’t let the open toe shoes fool you. Don’t let ‘em fool you.

Tom and Kitty-Kat-Katie sported matching haircuts and “sports-coats” as they left Katie’s rehearsal in NYC over the weekend and then stopped for a bite to eat. Speaking of bites to eat, I stopped for a bite to eat while I was in Boston this weekend. It was good. Thanks for asking.


Katie Continues Her Reign of Never Showing Her Teeth

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were all awkward poses at the LA premiere of “Tropic Thunder.” Wasn’t Katie just in NYC the other day with Suri Claus? How did she get to LA so quickly? She must have access to some type of machine that gets you from one side of the country to the other. Those tricky Scientologists! They’re relentless with travel!

Seriously? Why won’t Katie ever show her busted teeth when someone takes a picture of her? She must be on the Olsen plan of smiling. I don’t mean to keep saying it, but isn’t Katie like 27 years old? She looks like she’s in her late 30′s early 40′s. I mean she looks good, well, good in a way like your aunt looks good when she goes to a wedding, but good nonetheless. She also looks like she’s on enough tranquilizers to stop a charging elephant.


Katie Holmes “Outs” Man With Purse and Doll

Could there be anything less boring that Katie Holmes in the park? Katie, or as I like to call her “A Fancier Samantha Ronson,” has almost completed her transformation into a 14 year old boy. She’s wearing a stretched out pocket t-shirt and her new trademark tight-rolled jeans or “Denim Douche-Bag” as I will now refer to them as. Oh, and her button fly is unbuttoned. Tom is going to pitch a fit is her penis falls out and is exposed to the paparazzi.

Anyway, Katie bores me to tears which is why I hardly ever discuss her on IBBB, but when I saw this photo of her and Suri (blargh) at a NYC park yesterday I cracked a crooked smile when I noticed the poor old dude in the right corner of the picture. This guy probably just wanted to go to the park with his draining wife and screaming kid and he gets photographed holding his wifes purse and his kids doll. The look on his face is priceless. I’m sure his buddies at the city dump will be beaming with pride when they see these photos.

I See Your Dead Eyes, Katie Holmes. I See Them.

Tom and Katie may have been enjoying their Sunday at the Red Bull US Moto Grand Prix in Laguna Seca, CA but that doesn’t mean that I’m not doing to see behind those half-tinted sunglasses, Katie Holmes. Seriously, she looks dead. Dead in the eyes and dead in the body. Wasn’t Katie Holmes hot at one point in her life? Isn’t she like only 26? What in the hell happened? She literally seems lifeless. She’s not even fun to look at anymore. Thanks, Tom. At this point I think that it’s unfair that they have earplugs for the noise, but I don’t have a blind fold whilst looking at these pictures. Give me my old Katie back. You know, the Katie that was on Dawson’s Creek that was all whiny and had bad teeth? But at least she had longer hair and didn’t look like she was a walking corpse.


Katie Holmes Completely Sexless

Wow! Will you look at that sexy pancake ass. Yum. And by “yum” I actually mean, “Hey! Wait a Minute! Where’s that Ass?” Katie Holmes has had all her sexiness completely sucked out of her. I mean she was never really the “cat’s pajamas” as an elderly woman with osteoporosis would say, but she used to look way better than this. And she’s only like 26. What a shame. See, now this is what happens when you give birth at such a young age and then mimic your daughters haircut, which just happens to be a bowl-cut. I’m disgusted (and disgusting all at the same time).

Anybowl, Katie Holmes prepped for a little hike while on vacation and made sure she dressed almost as manly as the chick behind her with the walkie-talkie. Is that Tom? It’s hard to tell. Both are big strapping bitches.

Katie Holmes Knocked Up Again, Again?

It wouldn’t be a new month without some new “Is Katie Holmes Pregnant” rumors. Katie Holmes and her elf-life husband, Tom Cruise, took their bowl-cut-sporting daughter, Suri, out for a little America the Beautiful festivities in Colorado and even though they may have tried to take the focus off Katie by placing a couple of American flags into Suri’s head and Tom wearing a cowboy hat, all are looking at that 1 inch space at the bottom of Katie’s sweater that shows some of her robot stomach that isn’t looking as flat as the public would like it. Therefore, people immediately assume she is pregnant. Personally, I say leave her alone and let her live her life! No, I’m totally kidding. I say she’s a little bloated and is trying to drum up some press for her that new Broadway play she’s in, “All My Sons” that isn’t selling well. It would have helped a little more if Katie placed one hand on her stomach and the other hand on her back. Come on, get with it Katie. Whore.


Tom and Katie Twin That Shit Out

What’s that saying? Couples who dress alike…..are f’n douche-bags. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes really brightened things up in all black whilst attending The Country Girl while in New York City this past weekend. Tom does his best shit-eating-grin and Katie does her best to look like a 42 year old mother of 4 who is going out for a special “date night” with her husband who got the night off from working at the factory. Remember when Katie was cool when she was on Dawson’s Creek? Ok, well she wasn’t cool but I thought she was kinda hot in a “I wouldn’t hit on you if you weren’t on TV” kind of way. But now, every time I see her I just think “middle aged mom.” She looks like she’s two steps away from combing her hair up and to the side and putting on one of those green hospital gowns that those Polygamy Sect women in Texas wear.

Katie Mocks Tom, I Mock Both of Them

It’s nice to see the visual definition of “shit eating grin.” Katie “Curly Sue” Holmes and Tom Cruise were robotic hand in robotic hand at the “First Annual Essence Black Women In Hollywood” event at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night. This is fitting as I’ve always viewed this couple as 2 strong black women.

They do say that couples start to look like eachother after a while. I actually think Katie has replaced her old teeth with a little something more “Tom tooth-like.” I would also like to take this time to state that Katie Holmes is 29 years old. 29. No, not 49. 29. She looks like she’s about to shoot a commercial for Boniva.

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