North America’s favorite couple (sorry South America) Audrina “Teef” Patridge and Justin “JBob” Bobby were all weird stares and bright teeth while they headed into the 5-year anniversary party of Ashton Kutcher’s restaurant “Dolce.” While these two wild, crazy, and scripted kids were photographed together, while inside the dinner fiesta it has been said that “the couple” did not interact with each other. Really? I find that hard to believe. What would they talk about anyway?

Audrina: “Cheeseburgers?”

JBob: “F them, you know?”

Audrina: “Silver rings with bright lights on my sandwich, but never green 7’s on a Monday.”

JBob: “Totally.”

No joke, this is the level of intelligence between these two as a couple.

As a sidenote, besides this picture, have recent photos of Audrina made it seem like her rack-attack is expanding? Either it’s strange photo angles, or my letters to Santa and prayers to my sweet Jesus are FINALLY being answered. Thank you SantJesus Claus!

If Audrina is going to smile big, her teeth are going to act like a lighthouse to the paprazzi whilst trying to hide. I said about 2-months ago that Justin Bobby looks like he got a haircut and I legit got hate mail because of that. That’s no a joke. I mean, it technically makes both of us losers, but still. Everyone was all “Noooo Justin Bobby’s hair is just in a bun” and I was all “what’s a bun?” Anyway, Audrina and JBob were roaming the streets like a couple of homeless gypsies – Audrina with her shiny chicklets and Justin Bobby with his high-pants and boots.

These photos were captured by FlyNetOnline in case you couldn’t tell by their name across the pictures and supposedly one of the producers Adam DiVello had this to say about Justin Bobby, “He’s a changed man, pyschically and emotionally.” Translation –> rehabbed.

If there are any producers, script-writers, assistants, interns, stylists, cue-card holders, etc that are associated with The Hills, please contact me and let’s sit down and play “interview.” Thanks!

Audrina “The Tooth” from The Hills has officially replaced her old Justin Bobby with a brand new Justin Bobby. However, one thing has remained the same with good old Audy. Teeth. It looks as she’s doing her best to not blind her new Justin Bobby by barely smiling and it’s probably no coincidence that he’s wearing sunglasses even though it appears to be cloudy out. That Audrina. She’s a real giver.

In additional Audrina news, she took to trusty myspace to clear up some rumors that are floating around about her. Here’s what she had to say via a “bulletin”

Wow. Riveting. I’m not going to lie, I don’t think I’ve heard any of those rumors. Audrina must be making this crap up. Also, I had a feeling that Audrina would be using the “LOL” in her message to the public. My brain officially has dried up.

Uh, are the kids still saying “dunzo?” Well if so, Audrina and Justin Bobby are dunzo. Great, thanks for nothing, Audrina. Say adios to hair and teeth because, more than likely, you’ll never see these two together again. Oh and, for sure, we will never see Justin Bobby again.

Audrina was finally no longer blinded by her teeth when she saw Justin Bobby doing something at a night club that “he shouldn’t have been doing.” Was he perming hair, Audrina? Wearing a winter hat in the middle of the summer while indoors? Wearing too much leather? Were his pants too short? Combat boots and a bathing suit? What was it? Time to be specific, skank.

Audrina told Us Weekly, who clearly blow “The Hills,” that “I don’t feel like he was giving it his all. I’m always there for him no matter what and sometimes I don’t feel it’s mutual.” Yeah whocareswhateverthatsdumb.

Well thanks for nothing, teeth. I made my rent each month by owning JustinBobby.com. Now what? Am I supposed to just forget about that? Doubtful. You better hope he goes OJ on your ass because I’m looking to upgrade my living situation.

Who Claims This!?!
Audrina & Justin Bobby Break Up. Thanks

Justin Bobby

I don’t want to sound like I’m overselling or hyping this up to much, but….JUSTIN BOBBY FROM “THE HILLS” IS A LIVING LEGEND, AN INTERNATIONAL ICON, and a NATIONAL TREASURE. That’s hard for me to say as, I too, am also all three of these things and seldom like to share the spotlight. I don’t understand Justin Bobby for the life of me, but some things in life you aren’t supposed to understand. Anyway, Audrina from “The Hills” spoke through her blindingly neon-white teeth to OK! Magazine and told them that the producers of “The Hills” will tell Justin Bobby to kiss her and Justin Bobby will reply with, “You can’t tell me what to do because it’ll be awkward.”

Stop the press. First, Audrina, close your mouth you’re blinding the interviewer. Second, is she implying that “The Hills” is not completely reality television? I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it. I can’t believe it. First this and then the next thing you know we’ll find out Santa isn’t real. I’m just kidding kids, Santa is real. Santa is very real. Sometimes, Santa plays “adult games” with your mother…even when your father isn’t around. Wait, where was I. Oh yeah, so here’s the rest of what Audrina “the teefs” Partridge had to say “[Justin Bobby] has a hard time being himself. MTV tells him, ‘Go kiss her’…and he says, ‘You can’t tell me what to do because it’ll be awkward.” You know what’s really awkward? Audrina’s teeth, upper lip, and this interview. Also, the fact that they switched “Becky’s” on Roseanne was really awkward, but that’s a whole different story.

As far as JustinBobby.com goes, my website people have declared Jihad on me and I can’t seem to post anything over there for now. As soon as the dust settles I’ll be posting all “The Hills” related crap over there so stop yelling at me!

Don’t support Global Warming. Go Green. Go JustinBobby.com.

Who Said That!?!
Nobody Puts Justin Bobby in the Corner!
Justin Bobby