Ugh. Me gusta Julianne Hough. Me gusta her a lot. Also, my Spanish is top notch. IBBBs future wife (even if I have to brainwash her) was one of the presenters at the 2008 American Music Awards Nominee Announcement yesterday in Beverly Hills 90210 (Zuckerman’s home town).

I’m not sure who was nominated and I don’t care. I don’t care if Julianne spoke at this thing or can even read for that matter. I love her and that’s all that matters. Sometimes I image her showing me her cha-cha first thing in the morning. Interpret that any-which-way you’d like.

Ah there she is. I’m pretending she’s singing to me my favorite romantic song, “Smack My Bitch Up.” Dancing With the Stars alum, turned country music singer, turned my future girlfriend, turned my future wife, turned my future ex-wife because all of a sudden one of the Olsen Sluts finally came to their senses and took me under their wing, Julianne Hough was performing some of her latest songs at the ABC portion of the Television Critics Association Press Tour that was held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills 90210.

So who else was in attendance to discuss their shows on ABC and watch a little of Julianne Hough being as sexy as all get out? Well that would be Ashton Kutcher who was sporting a Red Sox hat (bandwagon jumper), Zach Braff and Sarah Chalke (to talk about their new season of “Scrubs” which moves from NBC to ABC), Michael Imperioli (to discuss his new show “Life on Mars”) and a few other randoms. The point is that Julianne Hough was there and that’s all that matters. Oh and she sang her song “Life on Mars.” Oh wait and there’s a new show coming out called “Life on Mars.” I get it.

Well folks, I’ve decided and it’s official. I’m marrying Julianne Hough. She, of course, will take my last name: Julianne BloggingBack. It has a nice ring to it. So I am ashamed to admit that I tuned in for a few minutes (or 30) to watch Dancing With the “Stars” on Monday night because there wasn’t anything else on and I wasn’t sure if Heather Mills was still on and I’ve been waiting to see her leg shoot off like a boomerang. Anyway, I came across Julieanne Hough (not literally, that’s rude). Yup. There she was, a dancing machine….a slutty little dancing machine and it was at that moment that I thought, “ImBringingBloggingBack, that slut will one day be my wife.” Then I thought, “I shouldn’t call my wife a slut.” From there she was just “The old skank-bag misus” from there on out.

I’m not kidding, I would please like to take Julianne Hough out on one date please. Where do I sign up please? Who can make this happen please? I will consider (CONSIDER) stopping the stalking of the Olsen Sluts and focus all my energy on Julianne. I’m not, however, crazy about the name “Julianne” so we may have to change it to something a little more catchy like, “Juanita.” So, Juanita BloggingBack, if you’re out there and you’re reading this…you know what to do. You’re welcome. That’ll be all. Good day.