More Mindless Stories on ‘jewel’
Aug
06
06
Jewel’s Tooth Promotes Club
Posted by IBBB
jewel 
Jewel and her snaggle tooth are so helpful. Both were seen at Aura nightclub at the Atlantis over the weekend. I think it’s kinda nice that her tooth helps promote. Seriously, why can’t Jewel be shallow enough to get her teeth fixed? She may be comfortable with her teeth, but I’m not. It makes me really uncomfortable and that’s not ok. She must have enough money to get that taken care of, no? I’ve been saving my cans for a complete face transplant. If I can afford that, Jewel should be able to afford a tooth transplant and by “transplant” I just mean “complete removal.” 
Jun
21
21
Jewel Still Playing the Homeless Card
Posted by IBBB
jewel 
So Jewel is still playing that “homeless card.” Jewel was, get this, on Capitol Hill testifying at a Congress hearing on America’s Youth Homeless Crisis. Oh, and “Cousin It” on top of her head also testified. Seriously, we get it. You were homeless once. You should be thanking God you were homeless. That was half your charm and 90% of your success. Jewel beats the homeless thing to death even more than I beat the “Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx” joke to death. Jewel looks all serious too, kinda like she’s a “no nonsense business woman circa 1994.” I especially like her Glamour Shots pose in the last photo. I am saddened, however, that her snaggle tooth was not allowed to testify on Capitol Hill. Anytoof, why is she testifying anyway? Wait, can she go to prison for this? Can you go to jail for being homeless? That’s a great idea actually. That way you can get off the streets and eat three times a day. Who cares about the “not having sex thing” because it’s not like you getting lucky while you were curled up in a ball with your cans surrounding you in the alley. What? I’m just saying. I could totally fix the homeless problems in this world. So it’s either jail or we give every homeless person a guitar to see if they can one day record an album and win a Grammy. Jan
08
08
Sad News: Jewel Gives Up On Acting/Teeth
Posted by IBBB
jewel 
Did you know Jewel was still around? I saw her the other day on a commercial for Nashville Idol or something like that and thought, “Now what in the hell is Jewel up to?” Well, I discovered that Jewel was a quitter…of acting at least.
Jewel may have dabbled a bit in acting (Ride With the Devil and Men in Trees), but decided that acting won’t be something that she continues to pursue because she is lazy and likes to stay at home. No really, that’s it. She has been quoted as saying, “A lot of my heroes did their best work and their best writing in their 40s and 50s, but most of them died really estranged from their families and alone. I’m not totally sure I’ve got another shot at acting in me, so I kind of just decided I’d rather be home on my days off than go and audition for a movie.”
That’s awesome Jewel. Nothing quite says “spoiled brat” like that. Do you know how many struggling actors and actresses would kill to be in your position? As a side note, perhaps on her “down time” at home she can work on getting her teeth fixed. I’ve seen them work wonders on shows like “Extreme Makeover” and “The Swan.” Perhaps 12 porcelain DiVinci veneers will do the trick? I’m sick of seeing that one crazy-ass tooth darting out of her mouth. You have money, act like it. We know, we know, you lived in a truck for like 2 years and wrote music. But, guess what? That music you wrote made you tons of money so there is no need to “chew on rocks” anymore. Salads will be fine.
As a side note, the photos above were taken the other night at the premiere of “Arthur and the Invisibles” in which Jewel is featured on the soundtrack…probably yodeling.
