Yee Haw! Call your Pappy and your Mammy cuz Jessie Simpson is singing country and not giving up those daisy dukes no matter how many years have passed since they were cool to wear, but at least she looks good in them, y’all!

Jessica was all legs and huge mouth while she performed at the Country Thunder Concert just the other day in Wisconsin. It’s been reported that Jessica was boo’d while on stage performing and she said to the crowd this brilliant gem:

“I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas; I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and I’m dating a boy.”

….to which the one fan in the crowd replied, “Ok.”

As a side note, if you’ve been keeping up with “The ImBringingBloggingBack Cameltoe Rating System….to the Stars!” and I know you have, I’ve awarded Jessica with 3 camels out of a possible 4. The way she incorporated the cameltoe whilst on stage and wearing daisy dukes….well, that’s just terrific.

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I would please like to put in a request to Santa, Jesus, the Dalai Lama or whoever typically takes these requests and ask that Jessica Simpson freeze herself like she looks in these pictures immediately. This is the Jessica Simpson I like best and with her d-bag sister all knocked up and stuff Jessica is definitely winning the “Who is the Hotter Simpson Sister” contest that I run in my head every Monday/Wednesday/Friday.

Jessica, her rack-attack, and her boyfriend (??) Tony Romo started her birthday celebration by a little hee-haw dinner at the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas. After a dinner that would have probably given me the shits, Jessica and Tony continued the celebration at Key Club in which Tony took to the stage again and sang a little Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses. What a nice birthday. No really. Ok fine, I’m lying. It sounds like a honky-tonk-cowboy-hat-wearin’-straw-chewing-28th-birthday for Jessica. My sources can not be confirmed, but rumor has it that after her birthday celebration Jessica headed home and did sexual intercourse stuff with her dad.

Jessica “I’ll Keep Trying Anything” Simpson is in New York City to meet up, supposedly, with some very important people about her country music album. I feel safer when there’s a Simpson in the city….unless it’s OJ, then I run. But that’s another story for another time with another group of people. Anyway, I’m about to make a statement. Ready? I like Jessica Simpson and not just because I bet she’s a filthy pig in the bedroom (um, I mean her room is messy), but because with everything she tries and fails miserably at she just keeps on going. She like, “I’ve bombed all other musical genres…let’s try country.” She has spunk and a big as I like both of those things. When I finally crash and burn this blog, I’m going to “pull a Jessica” and try my hand at writing children’s books. I f’n love kids.

Did you ever wonder what it was like to have sex with a Smurf? Did you ever wonder what the end result looked like? Well wonder no longer because apparently Jessica Simpson just finished doing sexing with a Smurf (the can she’s holding is Smurf protection). Luckily, she chose Jokey Smurf to molest and, well, Jokey is a good stand up kind of a guy so he deserves a little Jessica loving. In my mind, I’m Jokey Smurf but that’s a whole different story.

Anysmurf, Jessica Simpson licked the cake off of her boyfriend’s, Tony Romo’s, face at his 40th birthday. What, I don’t care. He plays for the Cowboys and gets to have sex with Jessica Simpson…he’s 40 in my eyes.

Are the Simpson sisters the new Olsen Sluts? They better not be! Ok, ok, there is plenty of room for two sets of slut-bag sisters in this world. Ashlee and Jessica Simpson were at the “Visions of Hollywood” fiesta at the GQ Lounge. I’m not quite sure what that means and don’t really care. More importantly, at first I thought that was the Simpson’s mother, Tina, who was sitting with her daughters, but it isn’t. It’s actually Cheri Oteri, former SNL member. Really? Yes. How in the holy hell does she get in the Simpson mix? I should be in the Simpson mix, similar to Chex mix.

Anyway, what’s up with Ashlee? In case you’ve recently gone blind her face looks all jacked up and she looks trashed. While “trashed” is typically a plus in my eyes, I’m going to have to knock her down a few notches. That’s right folks, I’m now putting Jessica Simpson ahead of Ashlee Simpson. That’s right I said it. Deal with it. Ok, I have to go.

Two Headed Simpson Sisters