More Mindless Stories on ‘jessica simpson’
13
Is She Supposed to Be Susan or Sharron?
Fake bonus points to anyone out there who got that one.
Jessica Simpson Tweeted some pictures of her “new hairdo” while on a plane yesterday. What a real treat. As a sidenote, this also made the news. No joke. The whole United States is going to be blown off the map before we know it.
Some people are saying it’s a wig, some are saying that she really got it cut. US Weekly, on the other hand, is probably preparing about 10 Watercooler Polls to see if you would allow Jessica Simpson to fly with scissors.
08
Breaking News: This is Jessica Simpson Without Makeup
Jessica Simpson is now on the cover of Marie Claire, which is apparently the name of a magazine and not one of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses. Seriously, they should have clarified that before I ever clicked on the link to see the picture. Regardless, I’ll be seeing them on Judge Judy.
Jessica Simpson with no makeup? She is so brave. I mean, the men and women who rushed up the towers on 9/11 were courageous, but Jessica is the true selfless hero. Thanks for helping tank the makeup industry. Just want our economy needs, less successful businesses.
23
The Jessica Simpson Pictures People Will Lose Their Mind Over
Breaking News: Jessica Simpson was spotted doing Christmas shopping in New York City yesterday and she wasn’t…wait for it….wait for it….wearing any makeup. You guys still there?
I’ve only posted these photos because I’m pretty sure they will make it onto Access Hollywood, that other terrible entertainment show that Slater hosts, Inside Edition, Larry King Live, and The View. These photos will be “Tweeted” by everyone and their mother and will poke fun at Jessica Simpson for not wearing any makeup and going out in public. Tyra Banks will, of course, somehow make this about herself and dedicate the next 10 episodes of her show to not wearing any makeup. Some news organizations will demand apologies for making jokes at Jessica’s behalf. John Mayer will Tweet some douchey comment on his Twitter account. Us Weekly will create a “Water Cooler Poll” asking, “Should Jessica Simpson be Allowed to Not Wear Makeup While Out in Public?” 78% of American’s will vote “No.” The Today Show will have Jessica Simpson comment on this scandal via sattelite and we’ll all have to sit through that awkward delay when Meredith asks Jessica a question while Jessica is still talking and then they both do that awkward pause and talk over each other while both saying at the same time “Go ahead. No, it’s ok, you go. You go. Well I was just going to say…..oh, you go” until the interview is cut short because they’re out of time. Facebook groups will be created like, “If My Teenage Daughter Gets 1 Million Followers She’ll Never Wear Makeup to School Again.” I will get invited to all of these groups. I will join none of them. While taking his dog for a walk while on Christmas vacation, President Obama will be asked what he thinks of the Jessica Simpson photos and he’ll make some inappropriate remark because he’ll think it’s off the record, but there will be cameras on him capturing every word he says. He’ll clear this up on his weekly appearance on David Letterman. Ashlee Simpson will make a spoof of Jessica without any makeup on in a Funny or Die video. Perez Hilton will draw “coke dots” on Jessica’s photo and say things like “F-List.”
Yeah, so that’s basically why I’m running these photos. I still think she looks good even without makeup, but let’s see what happens.
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16
Jessica Simpson is the New Phylicia Rashad
I’m not quite sure what that title means, but I know, I know, there’s a weight joke in there somewhere. Jessica Simpson put on her cameltoe inspiring jean shorts and her Nirvana shirt and brought her ass on stage to sing some songs in Irvine, CA the other day. What songs could she be singing? One may never know, but I think it’s important to discuss that Jessie Simps is not fat. Sure I’m about 4 months too late with a story like this, but when I saw these photos I thought, she’s thin again. She lost her bum and her rack-attack sorta entered the Witness Protection Program too. Eh, I guess that’s the price you pay for success.
Speaking of Phylicia Rashad I’m a little psyched to see her in her “after” photo on those annoying Jenny Craig commercials. It would be great if they used Sondra as the “after.”
02
It’s So Rude to Make Fun of Jessica Simpson’s Weight….
….when no one will be mention her boobs. It’s just rude. I mean, sure Jessie Simps may have gained a bushel or two, but to not even mention how this has made her boobs even bigger…well…it’s just not American. Get your priorities straight people. Big boobs are important too. Ugh. People.
