More Mindless Stories on ‘jessica simpson’
13
Is She Supposed to Be Susan or Sharron?
Fake bonus points to anyone out there who got that one.
Jessica Simpson Tweeted some pictures of her “new hairdo” while on a plane yesterday. What a real treat. As a sidenote, this also made the news. No joke. The whole United States is going to be blown off the map before we know it.
Some people are saying it’s a wig, some are saying that she really got it cut. US Weekly, on the other hand, is probably preparing about 10 Watercooler Polls to see if you would allow Jessica Simpson to fly with scissors.
08
Breaking News: This is Jessica Simpson Without Makeup
Jessica Simpson is now on the cover of Marie Claire, which is apparently the name of a magazine and not one of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses. Seriously, they should have clarified that before I ever clicked on the link to see the picture. Regardless, I’ll be seeing them on Judge Judy.
Jessica Simpson with no makeup? She is so brave. I mean, the men and women who rushed up the towers on 9/11 were courageous, but Jessica is the true selfless hero. Thanks for helping tank the makeup industry. Just want our economy needs, less successful businesses.
23
The Jessica Simpson Pictures People Will Lose Their Mind Over
Breaking News: Jessica Simpson was spotted doing Christmas shopping in New York City yesterday and she wasn’t…wait for it….wait for it….wearing any makeup. You guys still there?
I’ve only posted these photos because I’m pretty sure they will make it onto Access Hollywood, that other terrible entertainment show that Slater hosts, Inside Edition, Larry King Live, and The View. These photos will be “Tweeted” by everyone and their mother and will poke fun at Jessica Simpson for not wearing any makeup and going out in public. Tyra Banks will, of course, somehow make this about herself and dedicate the next 10 episodes of her show to not wearing any makeup. Some news organizations will demand apologies for making jokes at Jessica’s behalf. John Mayer will Tweet some douchey comment on his Twitter account. Us Weekly will create a “Water Cooler Poll” asking, “Should Jessica Simpson be Allowed to Not Wear Makeup While Out in Public?” 78% of American’s will vote “No.” The Today Show will have Jessica Simpson comment on this scandal via sattelite and we’ll all have to sit through that awkward delay when Meredith asks Jessica a question while Jessica is still talking and then they both do that awkward pause and talk over each other while both saying at the same time “Go ahead. No, it’s ok, you go. You go. Well I was just going to say…..oh, you go” until the interview is cut short because they’re out of time. Facebook groups will be created like, “If My Teenage Daughter Gets 1 Million Followers She’ll Never Wear Makeup to School Again.” I will get invited to all of these groups. I will join none of them. While taking his dog for a walk while on Christmas vacation, President Obama will be asked what he thinks of the Jessica Simpson photos and he’ll make some inappropriate remark because he’ll think it’s off the record, but there will be cameras on him capturing every word he says. He’ll clear this up on his weekly appearance on David Letterman. Ashlee Simpson will make a spoof of Jessica without any makeup on in a Funny or Die video. Perez Hilton will draw “coke dots” on Jessica’s photo and say things like “F-List.”
Yeah, so that’s basically why I’m running these photos. I still think she looks good even without makeup, but let’s see what happens.
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16
Jessica Simpson is the New Phylicia Rashad
I’m not quite sure what that title means, but I know, I know, there’s a weight joke in there somewhere. Jessica Simpson put on her cameltoe inspiring jean shorts and her Nirvana shirt and brought her ass on stage to sing some songs in Irvine, CA the other day. What songs could she be singing? One may never know, but I think it’s important to discuss that Jessie Simps is not fat. Sure I’m about 4 months too late with a story like this, but when I saw these photos I thought, she’s thin again. She lost her bum and her rack-attack sorta entered the Witness Protection Program too. Eh, I guess that’s the price you pay for success.
Speaking of Phylicia Rashad I’m a little psyched to see her in her “after” photo on those annoying Jenny Craig commercials. It would be great if they used Sondra as the “after.”
02
It’s So Rude to Make Fun of Jessica Simpson’s Weight….
….when no one will be mention her boobs. It’s just rude. I mean, sure Jessie Simps may have gained a bushel or two, but to not even mention how this has made her boobs even bigger…well…it’s just not American. Get your priorities straight people. Big boobs are important too. Ugh. People.
21
Jessica Simpson Kicks Off Her Country Music Career With Some Daisy Duke Denim Cameltoe
Yee Haw! Call your Pappy and your Mammy cuz Jessie Simpson is singing country and not giving up those daisy dukes no matter how many years have passed since they were cool to wear, but at least she looks good in them, y’all!
Jessica was all legs and huge mouth while she performed at the Country Thunder Concert just the other day in Wisconsin. It’s been reported that Jessica was boo’d while on stage performing and she said to the crowd this brilliant gem:
“I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas; I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and I’m dating a boy.”
….to which the one fan in the crowd replied, “Ok.”
As a side note, if you’ve been keeping up with “The ImBringingBloggingBack Cameltoe Rating System….to the Stars!” and I know you have, I’ve awarded Jessica with 3 camels out of a possible 4. The way she incorporated the cameltoe whilst on stage and wearing daisy dukes….well, that’s just terrific.
09
Jessica Simpson Should Freeze Herself
I would please like to put in a request to Santa, Jesus, the Dalai Lama or whoever typically takes these requests and ask that Jessica Simpson freeze herself like she looks in these pictures immediately. This is the Jessica Simpson I like best and with her d-bag sister all knocked up and stuff Jessica is definitely winning the “Who is the Hotter Simpson Sister” contest that I run in my head every Monday/Wednesday/Friday.
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11
Jessica Simpson Comes to NYC
Jessica “I’ll Keep Trying Anything” Simpson is in New York City to meet up, supposedly, with some very important people about her country music album. I feel safer when there’s a Simpson in the city….unless it’s OJ, then I run. But that’s another story for another time with another group of people. Anyway, I’m about to make a statement. Ready? I like Jessica Simpson and not just because I bet she’s a filthy pig in the bedroom (um, I mean her room is messy), but because with everything she tries and fails miserably at she just keeps on going. She like, “I’ve bombed all other musical genres…let’s try country.” She has spunk and a big as I like both of those things. When I finally crash and burn this blog, I’m going to “pull a Jessica” and try my hand at writing children’s books. I f’n love kids. 22
Jessica Goes to Town on Jokey Smurf
Did you ever wonder what it was like to have sex with a Smurf? Did you ever wonder what the end result looked like? Well wonder no longer because apparently Jessica Simpson just finished doing sexing with a Smurf (the can she’s holding is Smurf protection). Luckily, she chose Jokey Smurf to molest and, well, Jokey is a good stand up kind of a guy so he deserves a little Jessica loving. In my mind, I’m Jokey Smurf but that’s a whole different story.
15
Two Headed Simpson Sisters
Are the Simpson sisters the new Olsen Sluts? They better not be! Ok, ok, there is plenty of room for two sets of slut-bag sisters in this world. Ashlee and Jessica Simpson were at the “Visions of Hollywood” fiesta at the GQ Lounge. I’m not quite sure what that means and don’t really care. More importantly, at first I thought that was the Simpson’s mother, Tina, who was sitting with her daughters, but it isn’t. It’s actually Cheri Oteri, former SNL member. Really? Yes. How in the holy hell does she get in the Simpson mix? I should be in the Simpson mix, similar to Chex mix.
21
Jessica Simpson Drunk. Perfect!
Jessica Simpson is drunk and slutty. This officially makes Jessica the perfect girl and, perhaps, the perfect human. Yes, it does. This makes Jessica smarter, funnier, more talented, a better singer, a better actress, and a better person overall. I’m not kidding, I truly believe this.
21
This Time Last Year: Jessica Simpson
Memories, like the corners of my mind. I’d like to introduce a new little segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Jessica Simpson, This Time Last Year: Ghost Boobs and a Side of Cameltoe:
16
Jessica Simpson Practices Faces
I’ve never been to a fashion show before (luckily), but what takes place at these events that would ever bring on such a variety of facial expressions from Jessica Simpson? Jessica got a front row seat at her own fashion show for swimwear at the “Mercedes Benz Fashion Week – Miami Swim.” Ok, so a couple questions. (1) Now is Jessica’s mother, Tina, 17 years old? (2) Is Tina making her fingers into a fake gun in the last photo? Perhaps she’ll use it on herself? (3) Is Tina Simpson and Lynne Spears (Britney’s mom) the same exact person? I think they are. Ok, so all 3 questions were about Tina Simpson, but she’s becoming the new Dina Lohan for me. Anyway, I’m happy that Jessica is hot again. Now if only we could turn her into some type of drunk. Here’s to hoping. 18
Jessica Simpson Shows Her Cans
Jessica Simpson seems to be back to her old self again, and by “old self” I mean showing off her boobs. It seems like not long ago I was philosophising whether or not Ashlee was hotter than Jessica. At the time, Ashlee was clearly in the lead, but now I don’t know. I mean, Jessica isn’t singing or acting right now, but she seems to be looking better. Actually, she looks the best she has looked in months. Hmm maybe she should sing or act and just wear tight t-shirts. That seems to be working for her. Anyway, Jessica was all smiles (and boobs) this weekend while she got a little Italian food in Hollywood at Angolo Divino (??). Hopefully not too much though, we still need her skinny in order to be successful. What? I’m just saying…that’s what I hear.
01
Jessica Simpson, a Millionaire, Wears a Jogging Suit
Jessica Simpson was stopping for a quick bite to eat the other day in LA when, surprisingly, the paparazzi were following her. Now don’t get me wrong, I still think that Jessica Simpson is still hot even in her “jogging suit” but really? A jogging suit? I kinda feel that there should be a rule that if you have over $1 million, you are not legally allowed to wear a jogging suit. The only people that should be allowed to wear a jogging suit are those that either work in a supermarket or live in a cardboard box. I’m going to try to make that a law. Now how would I got about doing something like that. I know, I’ll ask Santa. Anyway, it looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are officially calling it quits again, for what I can only think is the 5th time. She should get back together with Nick Lachey and then do another reality show on MTV. That seemed to have worked for her before. Why not try it again? Either that or she could easily jump start her career again by partying too much, getting hooked on cocaine and/or heroin, hop in her car, drive real fast, crash into something, run from the scene, get arrested, go to Promises and/or Wonderland rehab, go to AA, head back to court, serve some jail time, finish that sentence, stop by Oprah to talk about it, record an album, film a movie, and collect the money. It’s a real simple plan for success. I should be her manager and by “manager” I mean her…
