More Mindless Stories on ‘jersey shore cast’
07
One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!
JWoww ShamWow and Snooki were celebrating Cinco de Mayo in Miami whilst filming scenes for the new season of Jersey Shore. With all the grease and oil that’s all over them you’d assume the lime would just shoot out of their mouths like a bullet. I’m glad that JWoww is wearing her token sombrero, but I’m a little surprised that she didn’t bedazzle the absolute sh*t out of it.
Now in case you were wondering, this photo does not have sound. I know, I’m the worst. However, my money is on the odds that right after Snooki finished taking her shot she’s screamed out “It’s Cinco de Mayo, bitch!” all while looking directly into the camera and waving with one hand and punching the bag out of a girl with the other hand. It’s called “multitasking” in the douche-bag world.
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22
JWoww’s Boobs are Going to Catch Secondhand Smoke
Well. As if we didn’t already know that JWoww ShamWow smelled like a mix between packaged ham, Sex on the Beach test tube shots, and burnt skin, we can finally add Misty 120’s to that list of scents as well. I mean, it’s like her future perfume line invents itself.
JWoww was caught by the paparazzi as she leaved her Florida “home” while she’s filming season 2 of Jersey Shore. Wearing an orange sheet that’s about one light summer breeze away from showing us her VagWow, JWoww was smoking a cigarette and increasing the chance that her rack was going to catch “the secondhand smoke” that all the doctors are up in arms about. Well, she’s either smoking a cigarette or she’s doing that Vagina call with her fingers and her tongue, you know, the way truck drivers do when they’re racing up the highway in their 18-wheeler? Yeah, like that.
Ok all done with this one.
15
Remember That Episode of Punky Brewster When Punky Went to Live With that Rich Family?
Well now this IS bazaar and bizarre all wrapped up and held together with the elastic band from tanning goggles. Snooki, JWoww ShamWow, and Sami SweatStains all became elegant “ladies” for a photoshoot with Harper’s Bazaar magazine. Uh, maybe Nell Harper’s.
The pigs in heat all got etiquette lessons from Lizzie Post and put on very expensive gowns that were, more than likely, smeared with bronzer by the time they took them off. Luckily for the second part of the photoshoot, JWoww’s rack came out to play. All the “ladies” even had to place books on their heads and try to walk around the room. This one was probably the easiest as AquaNet typically acts as an adhesive when the temperature hits 68.7 degrees.
However, the most revealing piece of information from this article is when Snooki talks about selling her version of the Bumpit called the “Snookit.” In regards to her freakin’ poof Snook’s said, “It was a teen Guidette thing, and when everyone grew out of it, I just kept it.”
Do me a favor, everyone, take those books off from your head and open them up. JWoww, grab an extra book to keep your rack occupied whilst you’re sounding out your words.
12
Snooki Finally Showing Us How She Protects Her Face from Punches
Wanna try and punch Snooki in the face again? Well good luck getting through two layers of tan and Real Housewives of Orange County inspired fingernails. Oh that’s right, Snooki is putting up quite the defense this season. I also like how Snooks is being proactive in regards to her red highlights she’s added to her hair. I mean, when cameras start to roll and fists start to fly it just makes it that much easier to camouflage the blood that will be splattered all over her. Good looking out, Snooki, good looking out.
Snooki, Grandpa Sitch, Sammi SweatStains, Pauly D/Ellen Travolta, and Ronnie No Nickname, were all walking up Ocean Drive over the weekend with their camera crew behind them capturing every riveting move. The D-Bag Brigade have been having a hard time filming at “da clubs” in Miami as they are frequently being turned away. Big deal. You can drink on the street in Miami and it just increases the chances of a drunken outdoor street fight. I say forget “da club” all together and just grab a 30 pack and a couple of metal folding chairs.
Check out more photos of “da gang” in action.
09
Miami is Just a Trashy Stopover. Jersey Shore Season 2 Finishing Up at the Jersey Shore!
It’s like all of a sudden saying that the birth of Jesus took place in a bedazzled stainless steel manger in the sunny Caribbean. You just can’t rewrite history like that. Well the same goes for the trashmasters over at the Jersey Shore. People (i.e me) were dumbfounded when they heard that Snooki and crew were filming the new season of Jersey Shore in South Beach, Miami. Sure the tanning is more consistent and you can purchase a carved wooden duck on the beach all whilst getting your hair braided and drinking a 40, but pretending a place like “the boardwalk” in Seaside Heights never happened is, well, horrifying and a fate that none of us should ever have to live. And, luckily we won’t.
MTV is officially reporting that while they are filming season 2 of Jersey Shore in South Beach, Miami, all the cast-members (that includes “Hefty Cinch Sak Angelina”) will be finishing up their filming in none other than the actual Jersey Shore. Phew. Hopefully this increases the chances that they not only “beat the beat” but also lovingly beat the bag out of each other.
While MTV confirms that all the cast-members will be returning, don’t be surprised if a few new cast-members are added to the mix once they all reach New Jersey, as casting has begun to potentially find Snooki 2.0 and even a possible JWhat. I say just shellac the duck phone with bronzer and toss an Ed Hardy trucker hat on it and call it a day. Get it? Call it? Double joke.
