More Mindless Stories on ‘jennifer aniston’

Jennifer Aniston Mastered the “Sitting” Pose

So I came across (not literally) Jennifer Aniston on the cover of Russian Shape Magazine (random I know) and realized that I’ve seen Aniston in a similar pose many times before.  She really mastered the “sitting” pose and the “play with strand of hair” pose and, of course, the ever popular “hunch over a little” pose.”  Look, I’m not hating on her, but let’s switch it up a bit.  I don’t know, try standing whilst playing with a strand of hair.  Or maybe stand while hunching over a little.  Now I know that Tyra has done every pose that has ever been created, including future poses that have yet to be created, but maybe Tyra can help?  While she’s at it, if she could ask Jennifer if the “Friends” were really friends, that would help me out tremendously.

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Are the “Friends” Really Friends?

When I was in first grade my nun was 41.  You wanna know who  my first grade nun didn’t look like?  Answer: Jennifer Aniston.  I’m not quite sure why she’s hiding her Mexican jumping beans with that bikini top but, eh, to each is own.  Or is it “to each his own?”  Semantics.  Jennifer Aniston headed down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to celebrate the big 4-1 with her husband friends like Courtney Cox, Sheryl Crow, and Gerard Butler.  I, of course, imagine them all playing Trivia Pursuit Friends Anniversary Edition or Monopoly: The Friends Board Game or Candyland: Central Perk Land.

I’d Have Some Questions for Jennifer Aniston…and I Think You Know What They Are

Jenny Aniston (she let’s me call her “Jenny” she just doesn’t know it) was out and about in NYC yesterday while shooting scenes for an upcoming film called, “Why Was Gunther Even on ‘Friends?’”  I kid, of course.  I have no idea what movie she’s shooting, but one thing is for sure…she will, yet again, be playing “Jennifer Aniston” in this role.

I would like to know why I never see Aniston while I’m out in NYC.  I would have many questions for her.  Of course, the first question would be “Are the ‘Friends’ really friends?”  I would, however, expand my line of questioning to include, “Were you and Ross really on a break,” as well as “Are you going to bring back ‘The Rachel’” and also, “Are you still trying to have Brad Pitt’s baby?”  I figure I can get a good three questions in before her bodyguard turns me into a human suitcase and tosses me onto the mean streets of New York. 

Mark my words, one day I will get these questions answered.  Mark my words with a “brick red” color Crayola crayon.  Thanks.

Aniston Apparently Blurts Out Statements

Jennifer Aniston said ”I will never remarry”……to which the barista replied, “Grande Caramel Macchiato, no whip, for Jennifer.”

The Oscars are Finally Over! Here’s What I Won’t Miss….

Praise Jesus Claus, the Oscars are finally over!  That means, I believe, that the 6-month long award season is finally over as well.  I couldn’t be more psyched.  To me, award season is like watching the news for 14 hours straight during the years first snow storm.  They cover the absolute piss out of it and after 3 hours I don’t care to hear from the person who’s at the supermarket and is pissed off because they’re out of bread and milk.  Here’s what I won’t be missing about the award season:

• What are you wearing!?  Seriously who gives an F?  Is anyone at home going to see Angelina Jolie’s dress and going out to the “store” to buy it?  We’re in a recession.  Maybe the question could be “Can you give us money?”
• Slumdog Millionaire.  I don’t care.  I don’t care that everyone loved this movie.  I’m over it.  If I have to see those damn kids one more time looking shocked when they win about 15 awards at each award show I’m going to fly to Durka Durka myself and punch them in the nose (1845 fight-style).  Final answer.
• Kate Winslet.  You, like the Slumdog gang, have been nominated for every award and every category.  In turn, you’ve won in every category for every award.  Stop “gasping” for breath whilst on the stage and trying to “gather yourself.” 
• Everybody likes a comeback.  Really?  Vanilla Ice. Screech Powers.  Ben Seaver.  Calvin from 227.  Kimmy Gibbler.
• Angelina Jolie’s fake smile.  She’s an actress, nothing more.
• People already talking about how when Jennifer Aniston was on stage they cut to a shot of Angelina Jolie laughing.
• Winners saying, “They told me I only have 45 seconds, but I don’t care. I’m going over!”  I laughed at that joke in 1989, it’s not funny every year for 20 years. I don’t know who your agent/lawyer/makeup artist/assistant/manager and/or mothers best friend is. I don’t need to know their names.
• The term “Fashion Police.” 
• Ryan Seacrest.

I’m also pissed that Jennifer Aniston was all over the Oscars yet not one person had the guts to ask her if the “Friends” were really friends.  It was our one shot!

R.I.P Awards Season!