More Mindless Stories on ‘jennifer aniston’
04
Jennifer Aniston Mastered the “Sitting” Pose
So I came across (not literally) Jennifer Aniston on the cover of Russian Shape Magazine (random I know) and realized that I’ve seen Aniston in a similar pose many times before. She really mastered the “sitting” pose and the “play with strand of hair” pose and, of course, the ever popular “hunch over a little” pose.” Look, I’m not hating on her, but let’s switch it up a bit. I don’t know, try standing whilst playing with a strand of hair. Or maybe stand while hunching over a little. Now I know that Tyra has done every pose that has ever been created, including future poses that have yet to be created, but maybe Tyra can help? While she’s at it, if she could ask Jennifer if the “Friends” were really friends, that would help me out tremendously.
09
Are the “Friends” Really Friends?
When I was in first grade my nun was 41. You wanna know who my first grade nun didn’t look like? Answer: Jennifer Aniston. I’m not quite sure why she’s hiding her Mexican jumping beans with that bikini top but, eh, to each is own. Or is it “to each his own?” Semantics. Jennifer Aniston headed down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to celebrate the big 4-1 with her husband friends like Courtney Cox, Sheryl Crow, and Gerard Butler. I, of course, imagine them all playing Trivia Pursuit Friends Anniversary Edition or Monopoly: The Friends Board Game or Candyland: Central Perk Land.
30
I’d Have Some Questions for Jennifer Aniston…and I Think You Know What They Are
Jenny Aniston (she let’s me call her “Jenny” she just doesn’t know it) was out and about in NYC yesterday while shooting scenes for an upcoming film called, “Why Was Gunther Even on ‘Friends?’” I kid, of course. I have no idea what movie she’s shooting, but one thing is for sure…she will, yet again, be playing “Jennifer Aniston” in this role.
I would like to know why I never see Aniston while I’m out in NYC. I would have many questions for her. Of course, the first question would be “Are the ‘Friends’ really friends?” I would, however, expand my line of questioning to include, “Were you and Ross really on a break,” as well as “Are you going to bring back ‘The Rachel’” and also, “Are you still trying to have Brad Pitt’s baby?” I figure I can get a good three questions in before her bodyguard turns me into a human suitcase and tosses me onto the mean streets of New York.
Mark my words, one day I will get these questions answered. Mark my words with a “brick red” color Crayola crayon. Thanks.
26
Aniston Apparently Blurts Out Statements
Jennifer Aniston said ”I will never remarry”……to which the barista replied, “Grande Caramel Macchiato, no whip, for Jennifer.”
23
The Oscars are Finally Over! Here’s What I Won’t Miss….
Praise Jesus Claus, the Oscars are finally over! That means, I believe, that the 6-month long award season is finally over as well. I couldn’t be more psyched. To me, award season is like watching the news for 14 hours straight during the years first snow storm. They cover the absolute piss out of it and after 3 hours I don’t care to hear from the person who’s at the supermarket and is pissed off because they’re out of bread and milk. Here’s what I won’t be missing about the award season:
- What are you wearing!? Seriously who gives an F? Is anyone at home going to see Angelina Jolie’s dress and going out to the “store” to buy it? We’re in a recession. Maybe the question could be “Can you give us money?”
- Slumdog Millionaire. I don’t care. I don’t care that everyone loved this movie. I’m over it. If I have to see those damn kids one more time looking shocked when they win about 15 awards at each award show I’m going to fly to Durka Durka myself and punch them in the nose (1845 fight-style). Final answer.
- Kate Winslet. You, like the Slumdog gang, have been nominated for every award and every category. In turn, you’ve won in every category for every award. Stop “gasping” for breath whilst on the stage and trying to “gather yourself.”
- Everybody likes a comeback. Really? Vanilla Ice. Screech Powers. Ben Seaver. Calvin from 227. Kimmy Gibbler.
- Angelina Jolie’s fake smile. She’s an actress, nothing more.
- People already talking about how when Jennifer Aniston was on stage they cut to a shot of Angelina Jolie laughing.
- Winners saying, “They told me I only have 45 seconds, but I don’t care. I’m going over!” I laughed at that joke in 1989, it’s not funny every year for 20 years. I don’t know who your agent/lawyer/makeup artist/assistant/manager and/or mothers best friend is. I don’t need to know their names.
- The term “Fashion Police.”
- Ryan Seacrest.
I’m also pissed that Jennifer Aniston was all over the Oscars yet not one person had the guts to ask her if the “Friends” were really friends. It was our one shot!
R.I.P Awards Season!
29
Crap! Aniston Sees Us!
12
Are the Friends Really Friends?
Why couldn’t I have been at the “Propr” clothing launch in NYC this week with Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox, suckers!? It would have been my best shot at following them around the whole night yelling, “Are the Friends really friends?” along with my other personal favorite, “Is there going to be a Friends reunion.” I don’t care that these jokes date back to the year 2000, they’re still brilliant in my book.
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25
I Don’t Care What Every Single Person in America Says. Jennifer Aniston is NOT Going to Die Alone.
Jennifer Aniston was looking all hot and junk whilst walking her fine ass all around New York City over the weekend. Figures, she was out in public while I wasn’t there. That’s so how mine and Jen’s relationship is.
People say that Jennifer Aniston is going to die alone and I don’t agree. I’ll totally marry her for a variety of reasons. First, she’s hot. Second, she’s rich. Actually let me swap those. First, she’s rich. Second, she’s hot. Third, she’s in insane shape for being like 52. I mean, at the end of the day, those are really the only qualities you need in a successful relationship. I’m sure she’s mad-cow-disease crazy, but I’m fine with that because the hotness and the money cancels that right out. As long as she doesn’t mind waking up with me every morning asking if the Friends are really friends, then I think this is going to work out for the both of us. I’ll be beginning my major facial reconstruction surgery on Tuesday.
31
Some Lady Tries to Block Jennifer Aniston’s Upper Waist?
Wow. Who’s this chick with the bag? Is she Jennifer Aniston’s assistant? Friend? On call Debbie Downer? Either way someone needs to tell her that if she’s trying to prevent photographers from getting pictures of Jennifer Aniston’s face she’s gonna need to move her bag about 3 feet north of where it currently is. Perhaps Jennifer Aniston told her to make sure no one take any pictures of her space about 1 foot south of her rack. I mean, the possibilities are endless….or there’s only two possibilities. It’s hard to even follow what I’m talking about at this point.
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23
Not Really a Jennifer Aniston Story
22
Jennifer Aniston’s Wedding
See what I did there with that title? You thought this was Jennifer Aniston’s actual wedding. Well you just got IBBB Punk’d. Take that Kutcher! Anyway, devoted IBBB reader, Kelly (aka Irish Stacey), was kind enough to send one of her friends out into a fake snowstorm in Philadelphia just the other day to snap up some pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson filming scenes for their upcoming movie, Marley & Me. In this movie I’m assuming Jennifer Aniston plays a bride who is a lot like Rachel Green from “Friends.” I say that because Jennifer Aniston always plays “Rachael” from Friends no matter what movie she’s in. Why do I feel like after this scene was shot, Jennifer Aniston went home in that wedding dress and stayed in it for the entire weekend?22
When Jennifer Aniston’s In a Bikini, People Touch Themselves
Finally scientific proof that when Jennifer Aniston is in a bikini people just spontaneously start touching themselves (see above photo with pervy perverson). Jennifer Aniston was at a Miami hotel getting some sun and obviously she doesn’t mind mixing in with the common folk. Now that I know this I will certainly up my stalking of Jennifer Aniston. I just assumed she would be placed in a locked cage while on vacation so that people couldn’t just attack her. Note to self. Anyway, I don’t even know what I would do if I saw Jennifer Aniston at the same hotel as me in a bikini. Actually, I know exactly what I would do. I’d scream like 14 year old school girl from one lounge chair over from her and I would, of course, yell over “Are the Friends really friends” whilst touching myself. I am a gentleman after all, I would of course show interest in her while going to town on my sex stick. Seriously what? I just crossed my own line. I feel abused.
03
2 Questions for Jennifer Aniston’s Ass
I have 2 questions for Jennifer Aniston’s ass. (1) Are the “Friends” really friends? (2) Will there be a Friends reunion? I think those are two great questions to ask anyones ass, let alone Jennifer Aniston’s. Jenny Jen (as I call her with her knowing it) was vacationing in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico for the new year, also known as 2008. There are many rumors flying about Jenny Jen being “with child” but her stomach doesn’t look like it has a human being stuffed inside of it. Sure she could be like 2 weeks pregnant, but I’m going to say that this rumor is false. I say this as an expert guessing if cast members of Friends are pregnant. So far I’ve been correct 7 out of 8 times (you do the math).
16
Aniston, Oprah, Oprah, Aniston
Aniston, Oprah, Oprah, Aniston
20
…In Other News…
God bless the paparazzi. Clearly they followed Jennifer Aniston into a swamp and snapped some pictures of her trying to paddle a surf board with shorts on. There’s a lot that was just wrong with that sentence. I hope they at least asked her if the Friends are really still friends. I love 1997. In other news…
~ Portia de Rossi Still a Lesbian ~ Yeeeah
~ Kanye West is Afraid of 50 Cent ~ POTP
~ Amy Winehouse’s Mom is Pretty Too! ~ Popbytes
~ Pete Doherty Arrested Again. Next Time It’s Free! ~ NinjaDude
~ Michael Vick to Get it Doggy Style in Prison ~ FatBack
~ Cameron Diaz and John Mayer Will Have Kids with Horrible Skin ~ EvilBeet
~ Paris Still Retarded in Gold ~ DSF
~ What is it That Lily Allen Does Again? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Star Jones Did Something ~ AgentBedHead
