More Mindless Stories on ‘heidi montag’
06
Heidi Montag Can’t Jog Anymore Due to Plastic Surgery. In Related News, I Can’t Eat Anymore When Seeing Pictures of Heidi Montag.
Future Cat Lady, Heidi Montag, headed over to On Air with Ryan Seacrest to talk about, what else, her 10 surgical procedures that were all done on the same day. The conversation took a turn when Heidi began to lifelessly chat about her back surgery, which she referred to as having her “back scooped.” When Ryan Seacrest asked her what having her “back scooped” actually meant Heidi responded “I actually didn’t know. I might be the first one to try it. It carves out your back a little bit.”
Uh, great. Why couldn’t Heidi have been the first one to have a “brain scoop” where they just carve out what’s left of her brain a little bit?
Anyway, now that Heidi has an E or F (which I believe stands for Epic Failure) boob size she is no longer able to jog….or apparently run from a burning building so, well, I’m not suggesting anything to anyone…but do what you need to do and lets just let the chips fall where they may.
12
Heidi Montag’s Psychic Better Be the New Cast Member on “The Hills.”
Hey mon! Ya wife’s cheatin’ on ya, mon! Call me now!
I don’t even care if any of the following is true. The fact that Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade for $100 million in the same week that Heidi Montag announces she’s faux-fired Steve Sanders/Spencer Pratt from managing her and, instead, hired a psychic to manage her career is, well, making this the best week of 2010 thus far. I’m not even kidding, the world could end tomorrow and I wouldn’t care less.
The newest face of Heidi Montag told People Magazine that she replaced Spencer Pratt as her manager with psychic, Aiden Chase. Heidi lifelessly said without facial expression, “After the incredible experiences I have had healing my life and truly connecting to my dreams with healer intuitive Aiden Chase, I have officially asked him to become my manager. Having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has.”
Is this robot for real? If I were Heidi I’d just give Enzo a Magic 8 Ball and call it a day. And I’m no psychic, but I have a strong premonition that one day when Heidi dies and is standing at the gates of Heaven, Jesus Himself is going to walk up to Heidi and simply say, “Bitch? Were you completely sh*tting me this whole time?”
10
Well It’s Official. Heidi Montag Turned Into Janice from The Muppets.
If there’s one thing that Heidi Montag is good at, it’s comedic acting. And, lucky for us, she’s trying her hand at a little comedy by teaming up with Funny or Die. She pokes fun at herself for being an absolute a-hole for getting all those much-needed-but-should-have-never-been-done surgeries and, in the end, she’s taking a bubble bath and looks like Sandy, the dog from “Annie” when they tried to give him a bath at Daddy Warbuck’s mansion. Spade her while you’re at it.
Check out Heidi on her Funny or Die video below and the guest appearance by Spencer/Steve Sanders who looks pretty much a homeless man with a blowout.
19
Heidi Montag Boob Watch Continues
(Sung to the tune of “Carmen Sandiego”) Where in the world is Heidi’s new booooooobs?
Looking like a straw with two big spitballs stuck in it, Heidi Montag filmed new “scenes” for the upcoming season of “The Hills.” This included having her face look like it was stuck in a typhoon and eating breakfast in Beverly Hills all while cameras rolled.
Now I’m not sure if I’m technically looking at Heidi’s new boobs or if it’s just Spencer Pratt sitting on Heidi’s chest and mooning me. Either way, the bleach that I’ve poured into my eyes should be burning right through the retinas in 3…..2……1…..blind! Thank God!
Seriously she is the worst and the #1 reason why terrorists are lighting their nuts on fire and trying to explode our airplanes. So thanks, Heidi. Because of you I’m afraid to fly and no longer have a love for playing basketball. Hmmph.
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16
Why Do Heidi Montag’s New Boobs Start at Her Shoulders?
Every time I see new pictures of Heidi Montag I always get excited because it’s like playing “Where’s Waldo” but with surgical procedures. Heidi Montag, the Annette Funicello of our generation, was all painful facial expressions while on the red carpet at Pure Nightclub in Vegas the other night. She was accompanied by, of course, Spencer Pratt/Steve Sanders who was eager to show off his new douchlets and his new darker blown out perm. He’s almost got his “Sandy Duncan” look down to a science.
Now I’m not a certified doctor, although I do operate on people for sport, but when you get your 2nd boob job, do they normally start them around your shoulders and then just let them hang? I swear if I didn’t know any better I would have just assumed they shaved Enzo’s head and stuffed him down Heidi’s “sluts wear red” dress.
I miss the old Heidi. Like, the old “old” Heidi. Pre-pre surgery. Her face actually looks like it hurts. I grimace when I look at it. Although ba-da-ba-ba-ba Heidi’s lovin’ it. She told People Magazine, “My favorite part, I think one of them is my chin. I think that’s what I was so excited about.” You wanna know what my favorite part is? My favorite is the part where Heidi burns in hell. That’s my favorite part.
