Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?

Posted by IBBB

gottaquestion

IBBB is proud to present you with another installment of “Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?” Here’s how this works. You have a question or need advice, you send me an email. I read it. I advise. Sometime, depending on my mood, I advice as well. Here are some recent questions/comments I’ve received. The names have been changed to protect the trashy.

Dear IBBB,
Even though you write an entertainment blog, I would love your take on the current recession and how we get out of it.

Signed,
The Economy

Dear The Economy,
Recession? Recession!? What country are you living in? Because if you live in the United States of the Americas you would know that not only are we not in a recession, but there is no such thing as a recession. “Recession” is just a word that is made up by the people of Hallmark to sell greeting cards during Valentine’s Day. At least, well, that’s what I’ve heard. Now I’m not sure if the following numbers are accurate, but the homeless guy who lives outside of my building told me that 99.98% of people are out work and there are only 3 businesses left in the USA (Spencer’s Gifts, Red Lobster, and Brookstone). If this is true I think I have a very simple solution for all Americans (sorry Canada) to follow. Here goes it: Either try to get a job or start your own business. There you go. Done and done. Get creative when thinking of your own business to start. You should think, “what is it that people need?” Well, people need air. So maybe start up a business that sells that. Or maybe lease air to people. I hear that’s how Bill Gates got all of his money. What else? People like sex still, right? Well, sell sex. Set up a lemonade-like stand and just stand there naked with your naughty bits hanging out and when someone drives by, just yell “sex for sale!” I really think these things will get us out of a “recession” if we are in one. You’re welcome.

I Should Own 55% of Your Business,
IBBB

Dear IBBB,
What are you going to dress up for this Halloween?

Signed,
a Ghost

Dear Ghost,
I’ll be dressing up, once again, this year as your mother.

Never Write Me Again,
IBBB

Dear IBBB,
You should be your own reality show. I love your blog!

Signed,
IBBB Fan

Dear IBBB Fan,
That’s not a question.

Learn From This,
IBBB

One Comment

Feb
25

Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?

Posted by IBBB

gotta question?????

gotta question

A spinoff of “Spencer’s Busy…Let IBBB Take a Message,” IBBB is proud to present you with another installment of “Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?” Here’s how this works. You have a question or need advice, you send me an email. I read it. I advise. Sometime, depending on my mood, I advice as well. Here are some recent questions/comments I’ve received. The names have been changed to protect the trashy.

Dear IBBB,
Are the “Friends” Really friends?

Signed,
Monica

Dearest Monica,
Faux-thank you for this question. I truly believe this is one of the great mysteries of the world. In fact, I plan on asking my Jesus this when I see him either as I get into Heaven…or whilst he is explaining to me why I’ll be taking the express train to hell. I feel as though this is a question that can stand the test of time. I must also admit that whenever I see any celebrity, any celebrity at all, I want to ask them this question….even if they were never connected to the show. In conclusion, the answer to this question really isn’t any of your business. That’s like me asking you if you’re really friends with your friends. I would never ask that. Ever.

Are You Really Friends With Your Friends,
IBBB

Dear IBBB,
You always talking about selling out, yet I notice on this new site you don’t have any sponsors or ads. What gives?

Signed,
Money-Whore

Dear Money-Whore,
“What gives” sounds like the title to a movie of my arch-nemesis, Diane Keaton. So basically you already have me all pissed off. While I do try to sell out on an hourly and minutely basis, it is never really for the money. In fact, I decided for the time being to not have any ads on this new site at all. It cheapens me, really, and that’s hard to do. I enjoy writing for the sake of writing. I link out to other blogs that I like and they are typically good people who own those blogs. In turn, they link back to me. I just like to get my mindless brain-rot out there into the world and, one day, make it onto The Hills. Ok, that last part was a lie. Sort of. The fact of the matter is that one day I will make something from this blog. I’m confident of that. It just won’t involve monetary gain. Ok, enough seriousness.

How Much is in Your Bank Account,
IBBB

Dear IBBB,
For or against the groundhog?

Signed,
Puxatony Phil

Dear PP,
I am against the groundhog (not literally). I am against all animals. Dumb dogs, nasty cats, stupid birds….the list goes on. I think it’s time to switch up the game of the groundhog seeing its shadow. I say we we let it out of its cage and if it can outrun my bullets then we have 6 more weeks of winter. If I shoot it dead then Spring starts tomorrow. Who’s with me? Ironically enough, this is also the same way I decide what to have for lunch and it works seamlessly. Good day.

Peta is Wrong,
IBBB

No Comments

Feb
05

Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?

Posted by IBBB

gotta question?????

Dear IBBB,

I’m graduating college in May and haven’t found a job yet since the no one is hiring. Can you possibly pay me to just read your blog? I do it anyway!

Signed,

Unemployed

Dear Unemployed,

The economy isn’t that bad when you really think about it. Let’s face it, you have no real experience so even in a great economy I’m sure you’re not getting a high-level job anyway. See how I view the glass as “half-full?” Regardless of what the economy is doing, you know who is always hiring? Always? Pimps. That’s right, Unemployed, if you’re willing to do $2 dollar sucky-sucky on the corner of Washington and Broadway then you’ll be just fine. And, if you’re smart about it you’ll bring your “services” to Hollywood and perhaps you’ll end up banging someone famous in which they’ll either pay you a ton of money…or turn your story into a movie or television series on HBO. So remember this last bit of advice boys and girls…when the economy starts to really blow…..blow back.

Wear Protection,

IBBB

Dear IBBB,

I miss The Hills. Is that bad? I feel like it is.

Signed,

Hills Fanatic

Dear Hills Fanatic,

I could, of course, completely tee off on you. However, I won’t. I won’t because I, too, miss The Hills. I miss the old Hills….you know, season 2? I miss the days when Heidi looked like Heidi. I miss the days when Audrina just sat behind the receptionist desk and only had 2 lines per episode. I miss the days when Lisa Loveless would rule the office with an iron fist. I miss the days when Lauren and Heidi didn’t look like they were about to hit the red carpet in every scene. While I’m at it, I miss Laguna Beach. I do. None of that Newport Habor crap…I’m talking actual Laguna Beach. It will be back soon. Keep the faith.

In Desperate Need of a Life,

IBBB

Dear IBBB,

What’s in your iPod?

Signed,

Nosy iPoder

Dear Nosy iPoder,

What’s in your bank account? None of your business.

Getting a Restraining Order,

IBBB

Gotta question for IBBB? Email it. Or don’t. Either way, I’m not losing sleep over this.

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

2 Comments

Dec
05

Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?

Posted by IBBB

gotta question?????

A spinoff of “Spencer’s Busy…Let IBBB Take a Message,” IBBB is proud to present you with another installment of “Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?” Here’s how this works. You have a question or need advice, you send me an email. I read it. I advise. Sometime, depending on my mood, I advice as well. Here are some recent questions/comments I’ve received. The names have been changed to protect the trashy.

Dear IBBB,

I’m thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend, but want to let him down easy. Any idea how I should do this?

Signed,

Claire Huxtable

Dear Claire,

Well you’ve certainly come to the right place. True story: IBBB was dumped via email. That’s right. Email. Nothing quite says “grown up love” like that. Although this has changed the way I date. I only date via email so that when my sorry ass gets dumped via the email, it seems a little more justified. So that’s always a fun and entertaining option for you. Other ideas include, dumping him immediately after you’ve completed doing sex to each other. Preferably you will let him down before you get out of bed. If you’re really creative and can wait a few weeks, simply leave him a letter from “Santa” letting him know that the deal is. He’ll be pissed at Santa and not you. Happy holidays!

Santa’s Helper,

IBBB

Dear IBBB,

My office loves you. Will you come and visit us?

Signed,

Officina

Dearest Officina,

I love the business world so the answer is, of course, “yes.” While I’m there I might as well pass along my resume to you because the economy has officially hit “shitter” status and I’m sure I’m on my way out of where I currently am. If you wouldn’t mind checking with your boss to see if he’s ok with me taking extra long lunches, coming in late, saying inappropriate jokes to my co-workers, taking additional vacation time, and possibly playing “Office Diddler” on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Let me know! Thanks.

Diddle You on Monday,

IBBB

Dear IBBB,

You really are a terrible person.

Signed,

I Hate You

Dear I Hate You,

I know, right? It’s insane how terrible I am. Just when you think I can’t get worse I do.

I Hope Your Mother Ripped Her Stinky When She Gave Birth To You,

IBBB

Gotta question for IBBB? Email it. Or don’t. Either way, I’m not losing sleep over this.

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

One Comment

Nov
21

Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?

Posted by IBBB

gotta question?????

Dear IBBB,

I am just wondering why you never cover the Girls Next Door? I always find myself disappointed when you turn slack and I find out my celebrity trash gossip from another source, your rude and sometimes obscene depiction of gossip always makes me smile more than the ‘matter of fact’ ones!

Signed,

Nosy Claus

Dear Nosy Claus,

Wow. The nerve on you. If I ever see you on the streets of New York I will give you the spanking of your life for calling me out on “slacking.” Now I’m not sure what you look like so therefore I’m going to have to just start giving spankings to random people on the street in hopes that it will one day be you. I mean, at this point, it’s a numbers game. Anyway, I’m not TIVO so stop treating me like I am and trying to humiliate me in front of the other readers. I don’t go to your office and tell you that your Excel spreadsheets should have all the numbers centered in each cell and not defaulted to the right, do I? They should, by the way. Ok, well I hope I answered your question.

Go Recap Your Mother,

IBBB

Dear IBBB,

I love your sense of humor and wit and was hoping you could help me come up with some great ideas for Christmas gifts this year? Help!!!!

Signed,

Sue Who

Dear Sue Who,

Uh, only one exclamation point was needed. Not four. Anyway. Sweetie, did no one tell you the news? Oh, I’m sorry. Santa Claus has died. Yes. Thanks to all the gas your SUV uses he died from Global Warming Poisoning. It’s a real thing. Look it up. As far as gifts go maybe just print out some of your charming emails and stuff them in their stockings. They’ll be as happy as I was when I opened your email. There’s 45 seconds I’ll never get back.

You’re the Worst,

IBBB

Dear IBBB,

I’ve been following your site for 2 years now and love it. I LOVE The Hills recaps the best. It’s my favorite thing to read all week. What are you going to do when The Hills goes off the air?

Signed,

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Well thanks for bursting my balloon, skank. What are you gonna do when your grandfather dies? See? How does that feel? Why would you ask me such a morbid question? Rude. Anyhills, I’m glad you read my site everyday and not just on Hills Recaps Tuesday. I hate those people who do that. And you know who you are! The Hills will never go off the air, but if it does I will start to film episodes myself and then recap those episodes. I will be 92 years old and on my death bed hooked up to life support, but I’ll be filming scenes with the nurse who I will force to play Heidi and will have my seeing-eye-pony typing on my laptop. I’m depressed now. Never write me again.

R.I.P,

IBBB

Gotta question for IBBB? Email it. Or don’t. Either way, I’m not losing sleep over this.

http://www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

5 Comments