More Mindless Stories on ‘go to skank’
Posted by IBBB
go to skank
Hi everyone! I’m pleased to introduce you to reality televisions newest star, Skanky McWhore-Wife. It’s nice that she hyphenated her last last name. She’s, clearly, a class act. Skanky McWhore-Wife was recently on the new game-show on Fox, “The Moment of Truth” in which you must answer personal questions about your life in order to win money. You were hooked up to lie detector so these sick bastards know if you are telling the truth or not. If you’re honest you win some money, if you lie you lose it all. Let’s watch Skanky McWhore-Wife answer such fun-loving questions as: Would you rather be married to your ex-boyfriend than current husband, Have you ever cheated on your current husband, and do you think you’re a good person. I wonder how she does? She seems nice.
Ashley Tisdale was continuing the tour of her new nose as she appeared at the Starlight Starbright Children’s Foundation Winter Wonderland event in LA. I’m confused by this. Isn’t her new nose supposed to make her look better? I’m not saying she doesn’t look good. Yeah, no actually I am. Maybe she needs to slut is up a bit in order to take notice away from her drastic new look. Perhaps she should “go straight to skank,” as I have recommended others to do in the past. Ashley is definitely suffering from Jennifer Grey Syndrome, where she looks like a completely different person. Maybe the swelling and stuff will go down? Maybe she can ask them to just put everything back to the way it was before? Either way she should show a little boob action in order to shift focus. Hmmm, I should help manage celebrities
. I have the best ideas.
Ashley Tisdale’s Nose: Part 2
When oh when will Amanda Bynes go to skank? Amanda Bynes has been everywhere lately promoting the new movie she’s in, Hairspray.
Personally, I think the movie looks like a bad acid trip and will never see it, but I digress. Moving on, so Amanda is everywhere (pictured above on TRL the other day) and she’s the sticky sweet girl who never seems to do anything wrong. While most people probably see this as refreshing from the rest of the trash that runs around Hollywood, I’ve began to wonder, “when will Amanda Bynes go to skank?” I think we’re ready for it. It will definitely make her more interesting and if she did go to skank then that would increase the chances of me wanting to see her movies and/or watch her TV shows. Until then I am officially boycotting Amanda Bynes. If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.
Wait, was that just a public service announcement? I think it was. Good day.
I hear it’s almost impossible to go grocery shopping when you’re not dressed like a street walker. I mean, just ask a street walker. Britney did a little grocery shopping the other day with her Siamese twin, Alli,
and made sure that she had on her shiny high heels and daisy-dukes that allowed her gut to hang over the waste-band. Alli was kind enough to pick up the Windex, probably in hopes of trying to clean up Britney’s career. Ohhhhh! Stop me if you heard this one before. Try the veal. Tip your waitress!
Is Britney taking my advice about “going to skank?” When your career is in the crapper and there is nothing left to do to safe it, just go to skank. I’m sure Britney reads this.
Who Shot That Street Walking Grocery Shopper!?!
First off, Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. Second, this weeks Harriet Carter post will be a bit different. Why you ask? Because I’ve officially found out exactly who “failure model chick” is. Now if you are new here today, don’t even bother reading this. If you are one of the many die-hard Harriet Carter Wednesday readers you are probably rejoicing over the uncovering of “failure model chick.” Don’t ask me how I found her. I just did. To my surprise her name isn’t technically “failure model chick.” It’s actually Rachael Platt. Boring. Regardless I’m going to continue calling her “failure model chick.” Also, she’s technically isn’t a failure as a model because “failure model chick” has the following accomplishments under her belt:
- A finalist for the prestigious Ms. Trump Taj Mahal (The Apprentice on NBC)
- Jersey Style Magazine covergirl (breezy, yet easy)
- Longhorn Tobacco Calendar Girl (Mmm smokey and cancerous)
- Sweetheart Gowns Bridal Magazine
- And, of course, the Harriet Carter Catalog
At least this finally explains why I haven’t been able to break into the Harriet Carter modeling industry. I’m just a simple dude from a blog. I’ve never been on a New Jersey magazine cover and have never been a finalist for anything.
I love how “failure model chick” is all kind and sweet modeling a hat or leopard caftan in the Harriet Carter Crapalog, but get her in another photoshoot and she goes straight to skank. Honestly, I think that’s her best bet anyway. Going straight to skank is always your best bet when your career is tanking. I actually just spoke of this concept the other day in my Brooke Hogan blog post. I wonder what Harriet is going to think when she discovers that her cute little hat model is also being photographed with her boobs hanging out. I mean what will the customers think? You think they’re still going to buy a car seat neck pillow or a flying pig hat that claps when you pull the string from “failure model chick” now that they know her troubled past? Sales will likely plummet. Could this be the end of the Harriet Carter catalog? Da-da-duuuuuun!