More Mindless Stories on ‘go ask IBBB’
Apr
28
28
Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 7
Posted by IBBB
go ask IBBB 
Back by popular demand is my own advice column: “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….
Dear IBBB,
I’m dying to know, what’s your take on Kathy Lee Gifford on The Today Show??
Luv,
Anonymous
Dear LISA,
You may have signed your email “anonymous” but you emailed me…therefore I know your name. Nice try, sneaky. You know, this gets me pretty upset. Why would anyone care what my take is on Kathy Lee Gifford? There is a war that’s still going on and we, as a universe, are facing day in and day out major issues with global warming, etc. Why not get your priorities in order!? PSYCH! Just playing. I could care less about global warming or the war. I am, however, passionate about all things Kathy Lee Gifford, or Snatchy Leak Gifford as I like to call her. Personally, I’ve only seen her once on The Today Show, but feel I can place 100% judgement on her based on the 25 minutes that I watched. Bottom line, she’s still doing that weird winking thing with her left eye. And I’m still confused by the relationship with her husband. Plus, Cody and Cassidy are complete douche bags. Therefore, I give Snatchy Leak Gifford 2 middle fingers up! Keep up the good work, Snatchy.
Stay Strong,
IBBB
Hey ImBringingBloggingBack,
I don’t mean to be mean, but you’ve been saying your goal is to host The Soup for 2 years now. No offense, but I don’t think The Soup has ever had a guest host. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Signed,
Breanna
Hey Breanna,
First off, thanks for addressing me by my full name. Second, thanks for crushing my dream. But, please don’t stop here. I’m sure there’s an orphanage that you want to swing by and fill the little kiddies in on that whole Santa thing. After that please get your passport ready because you have to catch your flight to give inspirational speeches to the summer Olympians. Be sure to let them know that most of them won’t win. They like that. Finally, swing on by a Jenny Craig meeting and just yell into the room “pointless.” They’ll all be squealing with delight. Anyway, thanks for the email.
You Suck,
IBBB
***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.***
Apr
21
21
Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 6
Posted by IBBB
go ask IBBB 
Back by popular demand is my own advice column: “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….
Dear IBBB:
Being a long time devoted fan of your blog and since I know no one else with your vast knowledge of all things worldly, you are possibly the only person who can help me with this question. Last night my husband, son and I went to dinner. A lady (and I use the term loosely – think Shelia from BB9 after a 6 pack a day habit) seated a table over from us proceeded to tell her group of “friends” about how she had walked in on her brother watching a XXX porno about a girl having sex with men dressed up as animals and then she went on to tell them in pretty clear detail what was happening in the video. I wasn’t quite sure if I was repulsed or curious. Given my son was sitting at the table with me also listening to this lesson in zoophilia (if you don’t know…look it up) I’m not sure what to do so I just sat there and did or said nothing. Should this happen to me again what should I do differently?
Debil Dog
Dearest Debil Dog,
Sounds like you guys were having dinner at Burger King because a conversation like that would never take place at an establishment like McDonald’s. Therefore, I blame “The King.” Regardless, this question you bring up is one that philosophers have been battling with for centuries. My advice to you is the next time this happens you, your husband, and your son must each start yelling out the following words repeatedly and one after another: whore, pervert, skank. There is no need to stand up and shout these words, just keep looking at your menu and yell out these catchy phrases. I’m sure she’ll get the message loud and clear. If needed, feel free to shout out that you’ve had sexual intercourse with Mickey Mouse and it was less than exciting.
Warm Regards,
IBBB
Dear IBBB,
With the nice weather starting to arrive I feel like I should start going to the gym. Is this something you would recommend?
Shannon
Hello there Shannon,
My first reaction is that, NO, you should not go to the gym. That place has some heavy shit and if you’re at the gym how are you supposed to watch TV? However, I then started to change my mind when I wondered if you had some sort of weight problem because if that’s the case you should hit the gym because people aren’t going to want to look at you. Just sayin. Now don’t go all crazy and start shoving your tooth brush down your throat. Perhaps just eat a bit healthier and run a bit. I’ll give you the same advice that Aunt Becky gave to DJ when she was trying to lose a ton of weight for Kathy Santone’s pool party. You could start eating some nice chicken or fish with veggies and salad. See? It worked for DJ and only took her about 15 yrs to drop 10 pounds. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. When all else fails, go green! Hope that helps.
Signed,
IBBB and Jenny Craig
***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.***
Apr
14
14
Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 5
Posted by IBBB
go ask IBBB 
Back by popular demand is my own advice column: “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….
Dear IBBB,
I am a legitimate massage therapist and lately business has been slow at the day spa I work at. Any tips to bringing more customers in without having to break the law?
Thanks,
Yvette
Dear Yvette,
With a name like Yvette and your profession being a massage therapist, I’m pretty sure you’re a hooker anyway. Admit it. It’s fine. Oh, and thanks for the email. If you’re not hooking, I’m sure you’re stripping. Either way, I suggest taking these skills and mixing them into your massage career. A little $2 dollar sucky sucky never hurt anyone and I don’t think it’s against the law. Oh, and if that doesn’t drum up any additional business you could sell drugs out of your massage room. I think the kids still like “the meth” so that may be your best bet. In conclusion, don’t worry about “the law.” If you ever even get caught you’ll only spend like 25-30 yrs in the slammer anyway. Consider it a vacation. You’re welcome.
Signed,
IBBB
Dear IBBB,
I was thinking of starting my own blog and considering you don’t have any talent I figured anyone could start one. Any advice for me?
Thanks!
Melonie
Hi Melonie! I didn’t realized people were actually named that. I assumed you had to be a stuffed animal to be named Melonie. Anyhooters, you bring up a valid point. Anyone can start up a blog. It’s free and easy to do and clearly doesn’t require any talent. Oh, thanks for pointing that out by the way…as if all the readers didn’t already know that. I have a question for you, if I may. What’s it like being a filthy whore who, more than likely, has genital herpes? Good luck with the blog! Let’s exchange links when you get it up and running!
With Love,
IBBB
***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.***
Apr
07
07
Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 4
Posted by IBBB
go ask IBBB 
Back by popular demand is my own advice column: “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….
Dear IBBB,
First of all, why are you so sexy? Second, is it wrong to carry vodka in my water bottle when I’m going to meetings – or actually, whenever I work in general?
Sincerely,Larlita
PS: So, do you like, want to go out with me or what?
Dearest Larlita,
There are too many reasons why I’m so sexy to list out here, but what’s most important is that it’s been stated. I may be considered sexy in the blogging community, but that’s like being considered the whore in a group full of nuns. Sure, the nun is considered the whore, but you’re comparing her to all the other nuns. Make sense? Me either. Moving on, you bring up an excellent point in regards to the vodka. No, it is never wrong to bring vodka to your meetings or just whilst in work in general. What is wrong is not switching over to rum during your lunch break. You see, the vodka will give you a great buzz during the hours of 9am – 12pm but you definitely need to bring your glow to the next level once you run out for a bite to eat. If you’re not doing that then I’d assume you aren’t working hard enough. Finally, with a name like Larlita I’d assume you were one of the members of Destiny’s Child that got kicked out. In the case, “yes” I will go out with you.
Signed,
IBBB
I have a question for your Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message segment. It is:
Why are middle-aged women such bitches? I work in customer service and take phone calls from various people every day. The only ones that want pick fights with me, hate on everything and talk like their dead inside, is these middle-aged bitches. What’s wrong with them?
Why are middle-aged women such bitches? I work in customer service and take phone calls from various people every day. The only ones that want pick fights with me, hate on everything and talk like their dead inside, is these middle-aged bitches. What’s wrong with them?
Thank-you.
Emily
Greetings Emily,
You could have just asked the question you didn’t need the intro sentence. I’m pretty sure the less words you type the better it is for the environment. I think it has something to do with “going green.” Anyway, I think it’s extremely rude and closed minded to say that middle-aged women are bitches. That is in extremely poor taste. In actuality most women, regardless of age, are bitches. That lady on the train with her umbrella poking you. Bitch. That chick that could have been a model that didn’t give me the time of day. Bitch. That crossing guard that lets every single student cross the street right when I’m at the crosswalk. Bitch. Let me ask you Emily, are you a bitch too? I think it’s a magnetic thing. Kinda like the law of attraction. Bitch attracts bitch. I’m also pretty sure that’s a psalm in the Bible as well. Next time one of these bitches makes you mad just simply respond, “Hey. Stop it at once. I’m a bitch too. If we can combine out bitchiness together then we can double bitch that dumb bitch who’s sitting next to my cubical bitching about some bitch on phone who’s bitching at her. Get it, bitch?”
Signed,
You’re Still a Bitch
***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.***
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Mar
31
31
Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 3
Posted by IBBB
go ask IBBB 
Back my popular demand is my own advice column: “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….
Dear IBBB,
Why do girls who excessively tan always ask if you want to see their tan lines? And why don’t more guys do it?
Why do girls who excessively tan always ask if you want to see their tan lines? And why don’t more guys do it?
Sincerely,
I work too much to tan
p.s. I love Harriet Carter Wednesdays!
Dear “I Work Too Much to Tan,”
Is your name Russian? It’s catchy. Anyway, who are these girls that are asking this and can you please send them my way. Thanks in advance. To best answer this question I will compare it to those people who are cock-eyed and always make you feel uncomfortable because you never know exactly where you should be looking when they’re talking to you. As a helpful tip, the answer is: always in the middle, always in the middle. Anyway, these cock-eyed freaks are the same as these ultra tanned skanks. These skanks ask you to check out their tan lines because they have that power over you as you, I’d assume, are the color of paste perhaps. Oh, and also because these girls are, again, skanks and need the attention. More than likely they’ve been molested by their uncle and also sport some type of eating disorder. Perhaps I’m generalizing. In conclusion, the next time you’re asked to see their tan lines make sure you ask them if you can also see their “molestation marks.” You’ll both my laughing with delight.
Signed,
IBBB
Hey! I have a very important question that I need an answer to. It might help all those other peeps out there that are struggling with this problem. Please explain to me why it is so offensive to “hack” in public. I just don’t see what the problem is when one has to clear it’s throat. I mean when you have to cough, you have to cough, know what I am saying. I just don’t appreciate all the looks that could kill and the stares and the disgust that I can see all around and the whispers. It’s very disturbing to me. Please help.
Thanks!
Britt
Dear Britt,
Um, do you have any manners? It’s typically polite to address the mail receiver by name. For example you could have started out your letter by saying “Dear IBBB,” and then you continue on. I don’t want to be that picky, but that was pretty f’n rude. Anyway, onto your question. Is this a problem that’s happening to you? If so, you’re probably getting all these looks from people because they assume you have some form of an STD that can be caught simply by breathing in the same air space as you. Let me ask you this, do you sleep around a lot? I assume the answer to that question is “yes” as your name is Britt with 2 “T’s.” I don’t want to cast judgement, but your name screams “loose.” I’m just kidding….I do mean to judge. On the other hand if you are not the town slam pig then I owe you an apology. These people that you see probably do not even exist. You see, you’ve imagined them. You cough and then all of a sudden you dream to life people looking at you. It’s normal for people who have syphilis to eventually go crazy from it. Again, it all ties back to slutty behavior. I hope this helped. Thanks for your letter.
Signed,
(Please Don’t Breathe the Same Air as Me You Freak) IBBB
Dear IBBB,
You are funny as sh!@#*, but your spelling SUX.
Signed,
Tina
Dear Tina,
Your mother’s a whore and your father holds the money.
Signed,
Your Father
***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.***
