More Mindless Stories on ‘fauxlebrities’
08
When Did Kate Gosselin Turn Into “Sweet Dee” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Remember that lion’s mane that Kate Gosselin had super-glued to her scalp for her big “makeover?” Well, apparently she just cut her weave and wanted to show it off while heading to Butter in NYC the other day. She looks better, but when in the holy hell did she turn herself into Sweet Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? And when this photo was taken on Friday (Feb 5th) NYC had a high of 25 degrees. Where the hell is her coat?? Would she let any of her little brats outside the house without a coat in the winter? Way to lead by example, Kate, way to lead by example. That’s it, I’m suing for sole custody. I think I have a good shot.
In other “Kate Gosselin is Ditching Her Kids” news, it is rumored that Kate will be co-hosting The View, again, on March 11th so, well, there’s that. And that about wraps it up. I miss It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Insert sidewards sad face here.
01
When Did Hannah Montana Have a Baby?
Fresh off her recent fiance death tour, Tila Tequila (the Tamlyn Tomita of our generation) quickly moved onto her new tour, the “I’m Having My Brothers Baby” paparazzi blitz by sporting a $2 dollar sucky sucky wig and baby doll (the most real thing in this photo) at Kitson Kids in LA late last week.
Meanwhile, in other “Tila Tequila is Simultaneously Pregnant With Someone Else’s Baby” news, Tila is claiming that The Game is the father of her unborn baby and is threatening to have an abortion if The Game goes not claim responsibility. This sits a bit uneasy with me. However, I’m all for Tila aborting herself…if that’s possible…which…I think…it is.
30
The New York Emmy Awards Look Horrific


Who knew there was actually something called the New York Emmy Awards? Can anyone just have an Emmy Awards? Maybe I’ll have an IBBB Emmy Awards, in which Bindi Irwin will win “F’n Little Bitch of the Year” award and “The Hills” will be nominated in each category and will win in all categories, but one. And in that one they will tie with Donna Martin being thrown down the stairs and Papouli dying. Hmmm, I may be onto something. I’ll have to look in to that.
Anyold, Dr Ruth Westheimer and Constantine Maroulis (ex American Idol finalist) were just some of the A-list stars who hammed it up for the cameras, by doing a little dance and remaining relevant during a recession. I have no idea what that last part meant. These Emmy Awards were held at the Marriott Marquis over the weekend. Absolutely terrible.
12
Lauren’s Mustache Must Be Kinda Pissed


I bet Lauren’s mustache is fuming! Fuming! Once a sub-sub-sub cast member of The Hills and Lauren Cockpigs love interest, Doug (DouK) Reinhardt was spotted on a beach in Hawaii with Paris Hilton. Perfect.
So that is all totally boring, but you know what we have NEVER discussed here on IBBB before? The fact that DouK is the brother of Casey, the skanked-out-mess who was in Laguna Beach Season 3. How did we never talk about this? You remember Casey, right? She was the chick who played “the new girl” and switched schools so she could be on Vagina Creek. I believe she was a beauty pageant contestant too. She would be the grown up version of Jon Benet Ramsey, had she not been dirt-napped. My favorite part of her was her “baby doll” voice and Paris Hilton-like bleach blond puppet hair extensions. So, uh, wait a sec. It’s sorta like DouK is banging his sister. Well that figures. Pervs.
16
Caridee English, Alive, Makes News

Someone hand me my alarm clock because I need to wake up. Bonus points for me being loser enough to remember that Caridee English quote from America’s Next Top Model. ANTM winner, Caridee English, is not only still alive but is also allegedly dating fellow model Tyson Beckford. You may remember Tyson Beckford from such things as…things he modeled for. Anyway, Page Six is reporting that Caridee kicked her hometown boyfriend to the curb (as Ricki Lake audience members would say) and is now bumping Zoolanders with Tyson.
While Caridee was at the Entertainment Weekly upfronts she told Page Six that her ex-boyfriend stole $10,000 out her bank account and blew it in Vegas. What’s even more shocking is that a winner of America’s Next Top Model only has $10,000 in their bank account. I had $10,000 in my bank account when I was 15 and worked as a clerk at Walgreen’s. Yes I have lived a wild life.
Anyway, Caridee is hot sex so when she and Tyson call it quits I’m sure she’ll want to date a loser blogger like me. I’ll give her half of her missing money is she dates me. Wait, it that prostitution? Whatever.
05
One Half of Danity Kane is Too Much

What happens when Diddy hosts the Sean John CFDA after party at Marquee in NYC? He gets a piss-poor turn out of celebrity guests. Less than half of his all girl group, Danity Kane, (that was supposed to be an international powerhouse, what happened?) showed up. That would be Aubrey O’Day and “the other chick.” I think I finally know what “Danity Kane” is supposed to mean. White-trash-street-walking-stripper-drag-queens. Bonus points for me using over 5 hyphens. Seriously? do these chicks think that looks good. I mean, at one point they both had to be in the mirror and thinking, “Ok, perfect. Ready to go.” So who else showed up for this after party free-for-all? A-List guests included, “the miss universe chick from the United States who recently fell on stage,” “the girl who won America’s Next Top Model two seasons ago,” and “the girl who actually won the Miss Universe contest.” I don’t find it necessary to actually find out any of their names.
26
MTV: My Interview with MTV Juvies
Sierra – I was in there because I supposedly ran way, which NEVER happened. The attendance office looked at the wrong name and the officer never went back to look at my records like he was supposed to. He probably went to Dunkin Donuts instead…lol! But my parents didn’t like my boyfriend at the time and thought I would run away with him.. So, when I was walking home from school, I got arrested. When I arrived at L.C.J.C., the MTV lady asked me if I would be on the show, so I said sure. It made my stay a bit easier though, like I was allowed to leave my room more for interviews.
IBBB – Yeah, I like Dunkin Donuts too. Er…awkward.
IBBB – Why do all the girls seem to braid each others’ hair right before they go to court? Is it like getting ready for the Prom?
Sierra – Haha, yeah I had my hair “did” when I went to court. I guess it’s just because we’re bored. It’s either braid hair or play Spades. It’s a girl thing, playing with hair, so we usually have our hair braided before court. And yeah I guess we do want to look nice… lol.
IBBB – Oh, I’m funny to the Juvies! You use the “lol” a lot. I’m old.
IBBB – I get nervous that by having your image displayed on a show like that it may be difficult to find work. (1) Who do you think would win in a chicken fight – Nicole Richie or Mischa Barton and (2) What are your career inspirations?
Sierra – I don’t know who would win. They would probably both break if they touched each other. They are as skinny as tooth picks for crying out loud. So, it would be a lose-lose situation. My career inspirations are probably animals. I feel bad for really sick animals, and I want to make them better. I plan on becoming a vet.
IBBB – I think Mischa would win because she’s taller. I guess since spending time in “Juvies” you are most qualified to work with animals. Oh! Stop me if you heard this one!
IBBB – In your episode your parents seemed to realize that you didn’t call yourself out of school and they were just trying to look out for your best interest. Do you no look back and see that they were correct for doing so?
Sierra – I personally don’t think so. I understand them looking out for me, but they don’t seem to understand that I’ve been around these kind of people my whole life, and I’m well aware of the risks I’m taking. But, maybe later on down the road I’ll agree with their decision. But right now, no.
IBBB – Honey, honey that is not the right answer. Even if it is how you feel, your parents will toss you back in the slammer before your 18th birthday and you’ll be braiding hair until your next trial. Just be grateful that Sally Jesse Raphael isn’t still on the air. She’d toss your ass right into boot camp!
IBBB – Your myspace seems to have a lot of skull and cross bones all over it. That’s danger. If you could provide any words of wisdom to Britney Spears what would they be?
Sierra – Don’t EVER shave your head again. And go get help like the rest of us abnormal people have to. Don’t leave after a day; you’ll get nowhere by doing that.
IBBB – You didn’t mention anything about the skull and crossbones on your myspace page. Ok, I’ll let it slide for now, but I’m telling Tom.
IBBB – What was the best thing that came out of your experience on MTV?
Sierra – The best thing would have to be the fact that I was on TV, nothing else because it was for the wrong reason. Even though I did agree to do it I could care less about the popularity.
IBBB – Well you never know what can happen. That blond chick from the first episode wants to try out for American Idol. Really shoot for the stars Sierra!
IBBB – Speaking of train wrecks, do you think that J. Lo traded up with Marc Anthony or did she trade down?
Sierra – Sh*t, I still think that no one can ever replace Ben Affleck. Those two were one of the hottest couples I’ve ever seen. Marc really isn’t all that great looking to me…but what ever floats her boat. It’s not based on looks, I know.
IBBB – Um Sierra, if it’s not based on looks how do you know you like someone? I only base things on looks. P.S If Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx reads this, you’re dead! P.S Watch your mouth. This is a PG-13 rated site!
IBBB – What are some misconceptions that you would like to set the record straight on about you and your experience on Juvies?
Sierra – I did NOT actually run away, I was in school. I’m not as big of a cry baby as I looked. I actually laughed and had fun more than I did cry. Sounds bad to say that, but it’s the truth. And I’m not really that obsessed with “that guy.” We had a thing, I loved him, but he wasn’t all that I freakin talked about. And I did think he was cute. They just asked me NOT to say ANYthing good about him. Hint – why I laughed a little bit when I answered that question.
IBBB – Interesting. So you were basically “coached.” I’m not saying a word because I want to work at MTV one day.
IBBB – It seems like you’ve learned a lot through this process. You have one guess…who is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter?
Sierra – Who f*ckin knows? She’s a whore, man. I know it’s not that old guys though, all he shoots out is dust probably.
IBBB – Yowza! Don’t speak ill of the dead unless you end it with, “TrimSpa, baby!”
Sierra – Naw, you don’t look old at all….just about the right age actually.
IBBB – You are very wise Sierra and you speak the truth. You hear that MTV?
Thanks Sierra you were great and besides your filthy mouth you seem like a normal teen who just happens to like skulls and crossbones. Best of luck with all that you do! If you ever need a reference for a job well you can just ask….er…good luck with that.
04
VH1 Big in 06; Meaning Boobs

VH1 held their “Big in ‘06″ Awards and let me tell ya that the biggest thing about this award show were the boobs and the d-list celebrities. Now don’t get me wrong, I would have gone in a minute, but it was just as fun watching it on TV….uh, yeah. Clearly the boobs were on parade and when you toss in a little Andrew Dice Clay with his signature cigarette, you really have yourself a winning show. Oh yeah, and the Burger King guy was there because….
01
Perez Hilton Gets Wicked Sued
01
Santa Gropes Debbie Gibson







