More Mindless Stories on ‘drugs’
Posted by IBBB
, mary j blige
Huh? Why in the holy hell would Mary J Blige be named in a Steroid investigation? Mary J and a bunch of other celebrities
(50 Cent, Timbaland, Wyclef, and Tyler Perry) have been accused of buying performance-enhancing drugs. Yeah, those guys I totally believe, but Mary J? Won’t her testicles shrink? She does have them, right? Her spokeswhore has “blasted” these any allegations by saying, “Mary J Blige has never taken performance enhancing illegal steroids.”
Wow, if this is true I bet Mary J is going down. She’s going down. She’s going doooooown, cuz you ain’t around. Her whole life turned upside down. Or something like that. Records are allegedly showing that between 2005 and 2007, Mary J received many shipments of HGH and anabolic steroids from an Orlando pharmacy. Orlando? I bet Mickey definitely has something to do with this. I heard he used to get all hyped up on steroids and then beat the mouse bag out of Minnie.
I’m going to say that this story is probably not true and Mary J has probably not taken steroids. I’m not saying that it’s not true for any other reason then Mary J could beat the bag out of me with or without steroids. Oh, and she could do it drunk and/or high and with an eye patch and with one arm stuck in a bucket of cement….and half asleep….you know that REM sleep, not the full sleep. I am still a man after all.
I couldn’t reach Mary J herself for comment, but I assume it would go something like this, “Snap into a SlimJim…eat me!
Who Claims This?!
Mary J Blige: Roid Rage?
Kelly Clarkson is one wild and crazy SOB. Get this. Once, while in Amsterdam, Kelly tried a…wait for it….wait for it…..wait for it….cookie that was laced with marijuana. FINALLY a logical reason for the fat ass. What? It’s medical. Now don’t jump ship yet you die-hard Kelly Clarkson fans. Little Kelly only tried this one time because it was legal in Amsterdam and insists that she has never done it again. So kids, what’s the big life lesson that Kelly is trying to teach? It’s ok to do anything in any country as long it’s legal. I think in some countries it’s ok to have sex with chickens. Go have fun kids! Gobble Gobble!
So first I need to say that every time I take a few days off there seems to be some type of celebrity scandal. I was away when Anna Nicole took her dirt nap, I was away when Paris was sentenced to p-to-the-prison, and I had some friends in town for Memorial Day Weekend when Lindsay crashed and burned and then got arrested. The next time I’m away I’m sure that Kathy Lee Gifford will get knocked up and I won’t even be able to report on it. Life’s not fair. Anyway, by now you know what happened with Lindsay No Pants. However, now Lindsay was spotted all cracked out, tripping, and passed out in the car of her BFF leaving a Memorial Day party.
Awesome. Look, I’m not suggesting Lindsay enter rehab because, clearly, she doesn’t have a problem, but if I got arrested with a DUI and also had coke found in my car, I’d probably take like five or six days off from drinking. Ok, maybe not 5 days, but at least 2 days. People are blaming Lindsay for her bad behavior. I don’t blame Lindsay. Next in line would be her mom, Dina Lohan
. I don’t blame Dina. Next would be to blame her dad. I don’t blame her dad. Other would blame the pressures of Hollywood. I don’t blame the pressures of Hollywood. You know what I blame? Global warming. It’s totally global warming that has caused Lindsay to behave like this. Damn you “El Nino.” Damn you!
Who Shot Lindsay No Pants!?!
Al is going to be pissed! Bud Bundy (also known as David Fostino) was allegedly arrested in New Smyrna Beach police for marijuana possession and disorderly intoxication
, according to The National Enquirer.
Is there such thing as “orderly” intoxication because if so I don’t know about it. I think this will be great for Bud’s career. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he was more than pleased that he has a 10 second spot in some of the recent Burger King commercials, but I’m sure he’d like to do a little more than just sell hamburgers. If he can somehow tie this arrest into public rehab, shave his head, and/or become bunk-mates with Paris Hilton I can really see a major career comeback.
Oh I hope this is true! Nobody finds a sober Whitney Houston interesting. I certainly don’t. At Stevie Wonder’s surprise 57th birthday party in the Bahamas, Whitney Houston showed up allegedly looking stoned and her eyes were all red.
I mean this was from one drunken source at the surprise party, but I’m taking that as the gospel. As a side note, people were wondering how Stevie’s wife pulled off the surprise and got him on a plane to the Bahamas. Uh…er…um…not to be mean or anything, but isn’t Stevie blind? How difficult of a task could that have really
been? I mean, she could have told him that they were in the bathroom and really had been on the plane. Speaking of which, do people at a blind person’s surprise party even have to hide or do they just stand there in front of him and yell surprise?
This gets me to thinking, I wonder if anyone ever had a surprise party for Helen Keller? I mean, she was blind and
deaf. How would they surprise her? Maybe all the guests would just shake her arm or something. Hmm, that’s one for the great philosophers to ponder.
Anyway, back to the party. Other special guest besides an allegedly stoned (yet more fun) Whitney included: Janet Jackson, LaToya Jackson, Sean Connery, Spike Lee, Claire Daines (really?), Tim Allen (huh?), Gayle King, among others that I don’t feel like typing.
Who Claims This!?!