More Mindless Stories on ‘donald trump’
Jul
31
For some reason I felt that bad/incorrect Spanish needed to be used in this title. What? I’ve broadened my reach in Y2 of IBBB. I’m reaching out to all of my Spanish speaking reader. Anyway, Dina Lohan continues to address every single person who makes a public statement on about Lindsay No Pants. This time she’s calling out Donald Trump. Ok, so here’s how it went down. Donald said:
“Find what you love doing (other than drugs and alcohol), work hard, stay focused, get a new set of parents – then join me on ‘Celebrity Apprentice,’ which is shooting soon – I’ll keep you straight!”
Oh snap (as the kids say), when Dina heard this she replied back to Donald via Access Hollywood, to which Dina said:
“Donald, I’m really disappointed in the statement that was brought to my attention from The New York Post. I’ve always had a great admiration for your business sense and I’ve read all your books and learned from them! Your own brother died of alcoholism and you own Trump Vodka? You say Lindsay needs new parents? Such a rash statement without backing it with fact? I am a single mother of four children doing what I can during this difficult time! Do a background check of both parents and you will find the truth! Shame on you… so many families suffer from this, yours included. We need solutions not opinions! – Dina and family”
To which I reply to Dina:
“Dina, I’m disappointed that you haven’t addressed me yet. I’ve been teeing off on your daughter for about 1-year. Step it up, trash. Oh, and you said that you need solutions not opinions. Maybe you could find solutions if you stopped addressing every one in the news. Oh, and I have a solution I’d like to throw into the ring. Give Lindsay a spanking and when you do if you could film it and upload it to YouTube that would be ok too. P.S If you could somehow place a brown paper bag over your head during the filming that would just help a bit or maybe just shoot from the neck down. Ok ok I’m not going to tell you how to film this. Get creative.”
Seriously, what the hell was I just writing about?
Mar
14
You may find this surprising, but Donald Trump does not find Rosie O’Donnell to be quite the sexy beast that the rest of us find her. Donald was on Extra the other night commenting on Rosie’s life with depression. The Trumpet stated that “
all Rosie has to do is look in the mirror and she suffers from depression.” Oh that Trump is a quick one! Seriously, what’s funny about that to me is that he is famous for these 2nd-grader insults, yet he thinks these insults are brilliant. The Apprentice.
Rosie fought back on her blog by stating:
“The dump truck is at it again,
so hurtful 2 know he doesnt find me attractive
as it has been my goal
for so long
to give a balding billionaire a boner.”
Yeah the thought of all of that just made me throw up a little in my mouth.
Jan
10
Seriously, the high-school fight between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell continues and this time a note has been passed. No joke.
Entertainment Tonight got a copy of a letter that Donald wrote to Rosie.
Let’s read it, shall we?
“Dear Rosie,
I hope you had a wonderful vacation with your wife — you needed the rest. An article in today’s New York Post indicates that you blew up at BARBARA WALTERS for being a ‘liar.’ Actually, I don’t blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She had heard that I was going to retaliate against you and tried to talk me out of it. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could ‘patch things up’ (I said no). To be exact, she said that ‘working with her is like living in hell’ and, more pointedly, ‘Donald, never get into the mud with pigs’ and, ‘don’t worry, she won’t be here for long.’ Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that’s why her initial statement was so mild!
In another incident, when I saw her eating at Le Cirque about two months ago and asked how ‘Rosie was doing,’ she sarcastically rolled her eyes and said ‘Donald, do you have to ruin my meal.’ In any event, you have a good reason to be angry. Please give my warmest regards to Kelly!
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
P.S. I was surprised that you let your spat with Barbara get into the newspapers, but, as I have always said and as you proved with Rosie, the magazine, you are very self destructive. You must work on this for your own good!”
Ok, so that’s how the letter went down. Here’s how I think his original draft went:
Dearest Rosie,
What’s up? N/M/H. Barbara Walters is a wicked liar and I think you’re kinda dumb too (The Apprentice on NBC). I was really pissed at you when you said what you said to me in homeroom the other day. I don’t even have 2 say it ‘cuz you know what you said (The Apprentice on NBC). Do you wanna bury the hachet so we can be BFF again? Please circle “yes” or “no” at the end of this note. After you answer please pass this to Melania in Geometry and she’ll give it to Carolyn in Biology who will then pass it to be in gym (The Apprentice on NBC).
P.S Don’t always be a biotch.
P.S.S. Wanna go to prom with me?
Signed,
D to the Onald. (The Apprentice on NBC)
Dec
21
Girls, Girls! Now don’t make me have to separate the two of you! With all the hoopla (my favorite word) surrounding Miss USA and Donald Trump lately, Rosie O’Donnell decided to call Trump a “snake-oil salesman.” OH SNAP! Wait a minute, what the hell is a snake-oil salesman. Uh, and Rosie? Shouldn’t it be a “snake-oil salesperson?” I figured you would be the first to say that women can sell too.
Well, after the Trumpet heard this horrible insult (really?) he dialed up
Multiple Persons Magazine and said that
Rosie is “a women out of control” (The Apprentice on NBC). And also that he plans on suing over her statements that question is financial well-being (But not before next seasons The Apprentice on NBC). Rosie claimed that the Trumpet was bankrupt. So what else did the Trumpet have to say:
“You can’t make false statements. Rosie will rue the words she said. I’ll most likely sue her for making those false statements – and it’ll be fun. Rosie’s a loser. A real loser. I look forward to taking lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie.”
Hahaha seriously the more I read that, the harder I laugh. Did he mean that to be funny because it actually was. The only thing that he was missing in that statement was, “The Apprentice on NBC.” I love it all. If they could somehow settle this on Judge Judy, both my Tivo and I would be very happy.
Dec
18
All of a sudden a little “coke” is a bad thing? Apparently Donald Trump thinks so and after it’s been reported that current Miss USA, Tara Connor, has tested positive for cocaine and has been sneaking dudes into her Trump apartment, which I guess is frowned upon.
TMZ has reported that the doorman for the Trump building as said that,
“She does not live here anymore…and is not allowed on Trump property.” He also didn’t think that this was her choice. Uh yeah, Mr Doorman? I kinda think you will be fired next for blabbing to the paparazzi. Anyway, she should be “decrowned” soon…very soon.
Here’s the way that I think it went down and what Donald Trump said to Miss USA:
To the left, to the left,
Everything you own and your box to the left.
In the closet that’s my rug,
Yes if I bought it, Miss USA please don’t touch.
And keep snorting that coke, that’s fine,
But could you snort and walk at the same time,
And it’s my name that’s on this pad,
So remove your bags, let me call you cab (sponsored by Yahoo!)
You must not know ’bout me, you must not know ’bout me,
The Apprentice on NBC.
Clearly, not as funny as my live Donald Trump impression, but you get the point.
