More Mindless Stories on ‘dirt nap’
13
Ike Turner: Beating Bitches in Hell
Tip your pimp cup, Ike Turner has kicked the fur-lined bucket. Ike, who is likely beating up bitches in hell (shut yo’ mouth), passed away at his home at the age of 76. You may all remember Ike best as he was portrayed as a wife beating, drug addicted, musician. What you may not remember though is that Ike Turner also went to prison in 1989 for drugs. Oh, and he helped shape music as well. Whatever. As I am living a perfect life I can wish Ike well on his journey throughout the fiery pits of hell. I will be contacting him via my Ouija Board, so please let me know if you have questions for him.
08
Celebrities Are Just Like Us. They Try to Kill Themselves!
Allegedly, Pete Doherty tried to take a bit of a dirt nap after finding out that Kate Moss was dating someone else. Here’s a snippet from the article:
Awesome! Now why can’t US Weekly do more things like that? Here are some other possible “Celebrities are Just Like Us” topics:
-
They cheat on their wives
-
They beat their kids when they lose the Oscar
-
They take the “morning after” pill
-
They don’t always flush the toilet in a public restroom
01
Britney Dirt Nap Rumors, Again
It wouldn’t be a new week without a new “Britney Wants to Take a Dirt-Nap” rumor. This time around, Britney was allegedly suicidal last week following her custody battle over her two kids, “What’s His Face” and “The Other One.” It’s like a black cloud follows Britney. Maybe the bad luck is that bird hat that she’s always wearing. All Italians know that birds are bad luck. All Italians. I’ve polled all of them and they all answered…and they all said, “yes birds are bad luck.”
13
Debbie Downer Moment: Who’s Dead?
Two major/minor dirt naps in 1 day? Sadly, yes. First off, the world mourns the loss (I’ve always wanted to say that) of televisions favorite scientist, Mr. Wizard. Don Herbert, who played Mr. Wizard since the 1950’s has died at the ripe old age of 89. I remember watching Mr. Wizard every Sunday morning before church. I remember being so hungry because we couldn’t eat 30 minutes prior to going to church because of communion. Yeah, it used to be come crazy Catholic rule that you weren’t allowed to eat 30 minutes before going to church. Random, I know. So as much as Mr. Wizard used to rule my Sunday mornings, I have bittersweet memories of him, mainly because I was starving. 
Next up on the dirt nap list is Frankie from MTV’s Real World: San Diego. You may remember Frankie as being the girl from the reality show who suffered from cystic fibrosis. However, most will remember Frankie not so much from the cystic fibrosis, but as the the first cast member on The Real World who was a “cutter” and from the famous quote by one of her cast members, “And that’s when I realized Frankie was a cutter.” While most assume that Frankie died, at 25, from her cystic fibrosis it has not yet been confirmed and her mother has said that Frankie died unexpectedly. For some crazy reason, similar to Mr. Wizard, I equate the memory of Frankie with me being hungry, but mainly because I couldn’t eat when watching that season of The Real World because I always felt that it looked like Frankie needed a bath and it turned my stomach. What, I’m just saying. Don’t make it seem like you didn’t think the same thing. Look, I wasn’t going to treat her any different just because she had a disease. She looked dirty…disease or no disease.
R.I.P You two. R.I.P. Oh, also FYI OPP PYT ASAP.
25
Howard Stern to Take Dirt Nap?
When Artie and Howard were talking about depression and past bouts with depression, Howard stated that he had a gun in his mouth twice before. The others in the studio were a bit shocked, clearly, and Howard just stated that he has some dark days in the past and then he quickly moved on. Since even I can’t make a funny joke about that, let’s move on to some other Howard Stern Show news…
Artie Lange, Howard’s sidekick, informed listeners that he is quitting the show and will be leaving this coming January. Uh, wouldn’t a two-week notice suffice? Artie has been working a bit on the TV show “Rescue Me” and “Entourage” and has just felt a little burnt out. Have you called Jenny yet?
